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SorrowBhindSmile posted 7/1/2013 13:53 PM

6 months out from DDay and in the heart of A season. Over all, i have been doing ok.... I have my good days, my bad days, my ehhh days.

In a nut shell, a couple weeks ago, the OW engineered a situation where we would run into each other and contact would have been unavoidable. Fortunately, i had the forethought to see it ahead of time and was able to avoid it, but it came at great emotional cost to me. On top of that, she is still creeping on my WH. I feel like she is screwing with me.

My WH has been trying hard. He has been there for me in every way he possibly can. He is so remorseful and has done everything i have asked, even more. But the OW has totally invaded my head. I cant get her out. The mind movies are back in full force. I am trying to keep the R mindset and be strong, but its just brutal. i just cant shake her, cant get her out.

how do you work thru R when you feel like the ow is sabotaging it?

Lucky posted 7/1/2013 15:00 PM

how do you work thru R when you feel like the ow is sabotaging it?

OW stalked me for 18 months after d-day. It was horrible and in some ways kept me from moving forward.

Your H is doing everything he can, he can't control her. For us I just needed to vent and rant every once in awhile and sometimes that included raging at Mr Lucky about it for bringing this into our lives. He really was helpless and felt like shit about it. But.. again, he had no control over her antics.

When she gets into your head just tell her off silently, laugh at her stupidity and move on. Take the crappy day and do something really great for yourself.

Don't allow her to have so much real estate in your head or real life. It sounds like you handled the encounter beautifully. Just keep on living your life happily and let her wallow in her own ick..

MandoBando posted 7/1/2013 19:36 PM

OW#3 is the worst for me in regards to being a mental squatter. I have had to physically stop and shake my head more than once in order to knock her hold on my mind loose. I have found that the best way for me personally is what my C suggested. Every once in a while, I envision her standing in front of me with a set of stairs behind her. And I shove her. And watch her hit every step on the way down. I know it sounds violent, but right after the A came to light, I always felt like I was the one at the bottom. Now, I am the one with the power. I am in control. She is powerless and I just proved it to her. And while she is a broken heap at the bottom of my stairs, I can just dust off my hands and walk away.

Ashland13 posted 7/1/2013 19:50 PM

OW is the one in this situation who "threw STBX under the bus. At the end of false reconciliation, he told me he was actually glad and relieved, because he would not have told me about the affair, he thinks.

??

I am 5.5. months from Dday and still bits and pieces like that and his voice creep into my mind.

Ow fought tooth and nail to keep him also, and also knows he is married and also knows his wife is pregnant (me), and I'm told not to but can't help but wonder what kind of person this is?

She took my pictures from him, too, of my family and him and put them online with these awful emoticons and dates, the whole ball of wax.

I'm sorry for all of you who have this problem and have spent long periods trying to understand people who won't slam the door on a married person.

I've heard many reasons but maybe because I would not do it, I don't get it?

I could go on and on and feel a rant coming.

I just wanted to say that even though I had to initialize divorce, I'm with you in spirit and concept.

I fought tooth and nail for my marriage and lost.

I wish you all health and peace...and some clarity to come.

Markay81 posted 7/2/2013 04:51 AM

I will admit I am guilty of thoughts of doing bad things to OW. I have pictured shoving her down the stairs, hitting her with my truck ect Some of my favorite thoughts are seeing her and telling her how pathetic and what a waste of skin she is. Along with every nasty name I could think of. I picture her tucking her tail between her legs and running away like the dog she is. Ow does sometimes take up head space but I try and turn it around were she is not the one humiliating me. I am the one doing the humiliating. Sometimes I fell better sometimes I don't. But this is what Ive came up with so far. Hopefully I can find a healthier way to get her out of my head. But for now its the only thing that works so better then nothing right lol.