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Problematic Statements

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ShockedErica11 posted 7/1/2013 14:49 PM

There are a few statements that my WH utters during discussions on the A. One of them that grates on my nerves the most is his "at the time" statement. I'll ask him something like, "Oh, hey, so you two were flirting all out in the open on Twitter?"

And he'll say, "Well, at the time, I didn't think of it as flirting. I was just being nice."

It grates on my FUCKING nerves, and I can't quite seem to articulate why. For some reason, I feel like he's giving himself a pass on how he acted merely because he "didn't know any better [at the time]". Like, just because you didn't know you were acting the ass doesn't cancel out that you were acting the fucking ass!!!

Am I wrong?

He just texted me back: "Fine, I won't discuss how I felt at the time anymore because its not helping, I admit I still did it and I take full responsibility of my actions and the consequences for it."

This is, of course, after months of - what I feel like - are piss poor attempts at showing me he actually wants to be here, but that's neither here nor there, and I'm having a very angry day/weeks/months. He's just pissing me off at the moment, and I can't pin down why. Maybe it's froma member's thread that I read about LTAs, and how they are a different beast altogether because the amount of shit that went into them, and then me making the realization that everything I'd ever asked him to do for me in this relationship he did for the OBitch so now I'm in this melancholic, wrath of God mood.

I need a break.

Kalliopeia posted 7/1/2013 15:00 PM

I got that a lot. Mine would tell me some terrible mean thing that was basically emotionally abusive and he would end with "that is how I feel right now."

I guess later he will feel I am awesome or something and he was just being honest and all and RIGHT NOW he doesn't feel that way *so get OVER it*

No. I won't cause I don't feel that way RIGHT NOW.

rachelc posted 7/1/2013 15:02 PM

"Fine, I won't discuss how I felt at the time anymore because its not helping, I admit I still did it and I take full responsibility of my actions and the consequences for it."

no, he's not accepting the consequences... nor responsibility if he won't talk about it.

ShockedErica11 posted 7/1/2013 16:03 PM

no, he's not accepting the consequences... nor responsibility if he won't talk about it.

That's his standard response when he gets angry and defensive. He decides that the thing we're discussing - things that trigger me or things that I'm pointing out that he's done wrong - are things that he jst won't do at all anymore because I've gotten angry. There's no negotiation or figuring out a different way. He just won't talk or deal with it at all. Something from his FOO issues, we've found out.

It's not like we don't talk about the A or issues or FOO issues; it's that I usually bring up the conversations, lead the conversations and dictate the topics. Since I'm sucha control freak bitch, I'd like him to lead these discussions for once or at least bring SOMETHING up, but if we don't talk about the Affair, he'll talk about something else that I care less about OR of we do, he'll deflect with above statements once it's gotten too problematic and he's lost his temper after I've gotten angry.

Which, come to think of it, still happens quite often enough that my anger over his actions still gets shut down once he's lost his temper.

I don't know. I'm wrathful, like I said. I don't know how to be objective about this crap because quite franly I've been getting headaches and nausea a-plenty, and my decision making has gotten considerably poor these past few months/weeks/days.

I don't know what to do anymore.

rachelc posted 7/1/2013 16:57 PM

There's no negotiation or figuring out a different way. He just won't talk or deal with it at all.

this is manipulation, you realize?...

if you are acting angry at every conversation that probably is too....

are you guys in MC? Hugs to you! I know how hard it is!!

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