[This message edited by melamber at 5:17 PM, July 1st (Monday)]
We are in R.
My C has diagnosed me with PTSD and I am seeing the mind movies and panic attacks and general shitty feelings amp up. I am terrified to keep marching through A season. And I am having a hard time some days not feeling extreme resentment for LRA22 for bringing this shitstorm into my life. But I just keep telling myself (with varying levels of success) that he can't MAKE me feel anything. All my feelings are my own. And since they are mine, I determine what I do with them. And I don't want to be a victim anymore. Yes, I feel some days like all I am doing is rubbing coarse salt in an open wound, but I try so hard to power through.
Keep talking to him. Tell him how you are feeling, ask how he is feeling, discuss those feelings, then talk about them some more. And if you are still feeling down, talk more. The more you can communicate, the more you can connect. I am a firm believer that my connection and the budding emotional intimacy between me and LRA22 is what is going to get more through A season without me getting committed.
If you're in R, talk with your WS. Feel your feelings. If you feel like asking more questions, or the same old questions, ask 'em. If you feel sad or scared, nurture yourself and ask for support. If you feel angry, vent, hit a pillow, write out your anger....
It'll be easier next year, but this year especially, be gentle with yourselves, folks.
I do know that I feel much worse if I don't tell WH when I am triggering or if something comes up. I end up carrying it around with me and feeling crappy for days whereas if we talk about it I can process it a lot faster.
I figure after what they did to us the least they can do is take whatever comes their way during A season, especially around the first anniversary of Dday.
i am right smack dab in the middle of my first A season. it sucks. i had a complete breakdown last weekend when the realization hit me like a mack truck.
i wish i had words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to send hugs your way and remind you that you are not alone.
we have been aruging a lot lately...and i think this is why. i was on a cruise with my husband during this time...for our anniversary...it is not a good time.
Thinking back to this time last year, I just feel like I am dying inside, and I am dreading this August, which is when his affair actually began. How could my life change so drastically, and how could the man that I was so in love with and who I thought was so in love with me, do such a hurtful, horrible, awful thing? Lately I feel like maybe his affair is just too much for me, like we not repairable. Is that because it is affair season?
Also for anemie, I am curious about your pregnancy; I am also pregnant as a result of hysterical bonding and I feel like I was dealing with all this stuff better before I got pregnant, do you feel the same way?
[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 5:15 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."