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Newest Member: Nala87 (61091)

User Topic: Was your spouse in a better mood during the A?
♀ 24687
Member # 24687
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure but I suspect my husband is having another A. I'm in the progress of investigating now to get all my facts together before confronting him. If my memory is correct 7 years ago when he had an affair he seemed much happier and I thought life was good. He has been in a pretty good mood lately and no that's not why I think he's cheating. I can't imagine having an affair would make you happier around your spouse but was curious to see if others have had the same thing happen. I would have thought a spouse would have been grouchy keeping secrets and all.

So my question---was your spouse in a happier mood during his affair?

M-BS 50's
H-WS 50's
3 kids
Last A was with still neighbor/was friend.

Life is a test. If this would have been a real life you would have been instructed on where to go and what to do.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Jul 2009
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, in fact he became much angrier and has been ever since. He plays happy guy with OWiftress but any and all who knew him before and after have said he is the angriest man they know.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
♀ 38604
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, he was mean and indifferent to me. He's in a much better mood now. Wish I was

ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 26,16, 15 and 13
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 476 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
♀ 19636
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no way

BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)

Posts: 3840 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
♀ 4286
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No real change in that regard. He was a bit more insecure, though. At the time I didn't understand his regular comments about his age and looking good for his age and seeing someone his age that looked a lot older, etc. Then I found out about the OW and that she was half his age! No wonder he was focused on his physique and appearance.

But he never seemed overly happy or overly unhappy.

It seems to me that after reading story after story on this site that the opposite seems to be more common. They get grumpy, depressed, unsatisfied, fidgety. Partially due to the need to demonize their life and/or spouse to justify the cheating.

But something is setting off your radar. So go into stealth mode and figure it out. Could it be something else that is making him seem more happy? Is he getting more sleep, eating better, getting more exercise, things going well at work?

How sad that we have to be suspicious when our spouse behaves more happy.

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

Posts: 3683 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During his affair he was distant, cold at times, distracted, cruel to me & the kids in passive aggressive ways. Treated us like inconveniences. He was moody. His eyes were empty and his smile was off. He was miserable. In his pic's with mow he had big smiles and looked so happy but all the times i now realize he had been with her came home to me & the kids looking and acting guilty. It pisses me off how he treated me and our kids. We were all so confused by his behavior.

exwh- multiple affairs
Left him and seperated Sept. 6, 2015 final and last dday forever!
Filed for divorce Nov. 2015
Divorce final March 4, 2016
Finally off of the rollercoaster...

Posts: 1158 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
♀ 38162
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. He was miserable, angry and emotionally abusive to me.

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No!!! He was an effin jerk. Mean, cruel, verbally.abusive, short with the kids....exxcept when he was around people other than his family. Around anyone that was not related or friends of our M, he was a real swell guy. During A, he even cut ties with our friends, ones that we BBQ'd with and hung.out. started saying they annoyed him.put me in a real awkward position.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 6449
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, during his A, he was smug, arrogant, hateful, and often angry. His eyes were dark and haunted and he became an alcoholic because he couldn't deal with his guilty conscience.

~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"

Posts: 10023 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, she was a cruel raving bitch at the time. Part of me was ready to let OW have at it.

Me: BS 48
Her: FWS 51 (both family med MDs; together 21 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Here
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is pretty even tempered so I would not say that he was in a better mood...But then again, he *worked* 7am-8pm and passed out (alcoholic) in front of the TV by 9pm so who the hell knows what his mood was like.

The one thing he was is distant during his affair...that and absent.

ME: 57 BS
HIM: 64 WH
Married: 32 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 6 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2438 | Registered: Nov 2011
♀ 38141
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He would either be fakey happy or mean and verbally vicious. He absolutely hated it (still does) when I would call him on the fake happy crap.

He was nervous - tended to look guilty but would go on a verbal rampage of my faults.

When he was trickle truthing and such, he did the fake happy quite abit. (I see that now that I have found out about April and given him the ultimatum which I am prepared to follow through with should he contact chickie again).

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse

Lawyers involved.

Posts: 689 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ 32292
Member # 32292
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, she was definitely in a better mood, cause she was in the "love" high. she was flying high, and almost or whole life was better as a result of her better mood. that's kinda what poisons me now is that or relationship is so much harder now, and she is not in a very good place right now, so it makes me feel a bit inadequate since I don't make her feel the same she did for him.

Me: BH - 28, Her: WW - 31, 10 years, 5 months, 6 days.
2 beautiful daughters. 1 devious, deceitful, serpant-like liar of a wife.
"oh god this has brought a path of destruction and scorching pain leaving in its wake a charred wasteland of a onc

Posts: 149 | Registered: May 2011 | From: emptyshelldad
♀ 32528
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miserable, mean, manulative, just angry all the time and everything ht did wrong was my fault

Married 25

2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R

Posts: 745 | Registered: Jun 2011
♂ 38681
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my ExW was very happy. She was living a dream. The moment I called or even stepped in her domain/space she would become super irritated and make me feel unwanted, and express it well with her body language and facial expressions.
On divorce day my family friend told me she looked like a monkey physically. All that tensed and exhausted look of sleep deprivation and the PTSD effects on her body, her weight loss after the trouble started for her etc.

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my wife was very distant during her A. Recently, during IC we touched upon my lack of trust for my wife...and for myself...still wondering how I could NOT have seen the A earlier.

My counselor kindly pointed out what I WAS noticing before I realized the A was going on. I DID notice my wife withdrawing from me....I just was ignorant to the possibility that an A was an option for her.

NOW I am aware A is an option.

My point is that you are probably really in tune with your relationship with your husband. Even if he is a master have seen the tricks behind his magic now know what to look for.

Trust your gut. Trusting your spouse is difficult, but your gut tends to be right. It should be even more right after the A...since it has been educated to what to notice and look for.

NOTE: It is still a very real possibility that your marriage is actually improving to the point of making him genuinely happy! Don't be quick to rule this very much could be the case for you. I pray it is the case for all of us at some point.

God be with us all.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

Posts: 5800 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♀ 38966
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was occasionally on a giddy super-high. Very strange. Of course, I didn't even think to investigate. Just thought it was work going well, or something. Other times, more vacant and disconnected.

Me: BW 50
Him:Peter Pan late 50's
DS: 13
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger


Posts: 306 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
♀ 38712
Member # 38712
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no no. At least not with me, I was ruining her fantasy world with the mundane. She was snappish and distant and always late from work. She would get irritated and angry with me at the drop of a hat.
She's her old self again now. Must be nice.

BS 36
WS 34
together 10 years prior to:
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
3 yo DD and 1 to old DS
4 years trying to R
It's over, baby.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron

Posts: 114 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During his affair he was distant, cold at times, distracted, cruel to me & the kids. Verbally abusive. He acted like I just pissed him off all the time. Anything to do with us was an inconvenience. He was moody and miserable to be around.

Then there were times he was loving

I imagine it's very hard to live a double life.

In the end it was so sad and scary to see the mental breakdown of my H. Apparently, he could only handle the stress for so long.

Me: BS H: WS
4 kids
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 959 | Registered: Jun 2012
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is what nogoingback said above. "I was ruining her fantasy with the mundane."

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 6 (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
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