Topic: Was your spouse in a better mood during the A?
Member # 24687
| Posted: 9:19 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
I'm not sure but I suspect my husband is having another A. I'm in the progress of investigating now to get all my facts together before confronting him. If my memory is correct 7 years ago when he had an affair he seemed much happier and I thought life was good. He has been in a pretty good mood lately and no that's not why I think he's cheating. I can't imagine having an affair would make you happier around your spouse but was curious to see if others have had the same thing happen. I would have thought a spouse would have been grouchy keeping secrets and all.
So my question---was your spouse in a happier mood during his affair?
Last A was with still neighbor/was friend.
Life is a test. If this would have been a real life you would have been instructed on where to go and what to do.
Posts: 513 | Registered: Jul 2009
Member # 34373
| Posted: 9:35 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
No, in fact he became much angrier and has been ever since. He plays happy guy with OWiftress but any and all who knew him before and after have said he is the angriest man they know.
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
Posts: 1842 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Member # 38604
| Posted: 9:41 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
No, he was mean and indifferent to me. He's in a much better mood now. Wish I was
ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 26,16, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere
Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 19636
| Posted: 9:43 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
Posts: 3679 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Member # 4286
| Posted: 9:43 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
No real change in that regard. He was a bit more insecure, though. At the time I didn't understand his regular comments about his age and looking good for his age and seeing someone his age that looked a lot older, etc. Then I found out about the OW and that she was half his age! No wonder he was focused on his physique and appearance.
But he never seemed overly happy or overly unhappy.
It seems to me that after reading story after story on this site that the opposite seems to be more common. They get grumpy, depressed, unsatisfied, fidgety. Partially due to the need to demonize their life and/or spouse to justify the cheating.
But something is setting off your radar. So go into stealth mode and figure it out. Could it be something else that is making him seem more happy? Is he getting more sleep, eating better, getting more exercise, things going well at work?
How sad that we have to be suspicious when our spouse behaves more happy.
Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
Posts: 3109 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Member # 28979
| Posted: 9:53 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
During his affair he was distant, cold at times, distracted, cruel to me & the kids in passive aggressive ways. Treated us like inconveniences. He was moody. His eyes were empty and his smile was off. He was miserable. In his pic's with mow he had big smiles and looked so happy but all the times i now realize he had been with her came home to me & the kids looking and acting guilty. It pisses me off how he treated me and our kids. We were all so confused by his behavior.
Wh-32 yrs old then, now 37
bs-(me)33 yrs old then, now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- our realtor, 45 then, now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010
3rd D-day waitress he went home with 6-2010
Posts: 1148 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Member # 38162
| Posted: 10:04 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
No. He was miserable, angry and emotionally abusive to me.
Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 34827
| Posted: 10:15 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
No!!! He was an effin jerk. Mean, cruel, verbally.abusive, short with the kids....exxcept when he was around people other than his family. Around anyone that was not related or friends of our M, he was a real swell guy. During A, he even cut ties with our friends, ones that we BBQ'd with and hung.out. started saying they annoyed him.put me in a real awkward position.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5347 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 6449
| Posted: 10:28 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
No, during his A, he was smug, arrogant, hateful, and often angry. His eyes were dark and haunted and he became an alcoholic because he couldn't deal with his guilty conscience.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
Posts: 9992 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Member # 34262
| Posted: 10:52 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
Nope, she was a cruel raving bitch at the time. Part of me was ready to let OW have at it.
Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish
Posts: 2473 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 33867
| Posted: 11:00 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
My WH is pretty even tempered so I would not say that he was in a better mood...But then again, he *worked* 7am-8pm and passed out (alcoholic) in front of the TV by 9pm so who the hell knows what his mood was like.
The one thing he was is distant during his affair...that and absent.
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 38141
| Posted: 11:02 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
He would either be fakey happy or mean and verbally vicious. He absolutely hated it (still does) when I would call him on the fake happy crap.
He was nervous - tended to look guilty but would go on a verbal rampage of my faults.
When he was trickle truthing and such, he did the fake happy quite abit. (I see that now that I have found out about April and given him the ultimatum which I am prepared to follow through with should he contact chickie again).
ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Posts: 567 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 32292
| Posted: 11:37 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
yes, she was definitely in a better mood, cause she was in the "love" high. she was flying high, and almost or whole life was better as a result of her better mood. that's kinda what poisons me now is that or relationship is so much harder now, and she is not in a very good place right now, so it makes me feel a bit inadequate since I don't make her feel the same she did for him.
Me: BH - 28, Her: WW - 31, 10 years, 5 months, 6 days.
2 beautiful daughters. 1 devious, deceitful, serpant-like liar of a wife.
"oh god this has brought a path of destruction and scorching pain leaving in its wake a charred wasteland of a onc
Posts: 149 | Registered: May 2011 | From: emptyshelldad
Member # 32528
| Posted: 11:39 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013|
Miserable, mean, manulative, just angry all the time and everything ht did wrong was my fault
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)
Posts: 658 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 38681
| Posted: 12:53 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013|
Oh my ExW was very happy. She was living a dream. The moment I called or even stepped in her domain/space she would become super irritated and make me feel unwanted, and express it well with her body language and facial expressions.
On divorce day my family friend told me she looked like a monkey physically. All that tensed and exhausted look of sleep deprivation and the PTSD effects on her body, her weight loss after the trouble started for her etc.
DS: 3 year old.
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.
Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38044
| Posted: 1:41 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013|
my wife was very distant during her A. Recently, during IC we touched upon my lack of trust for my wife...and for myself...still wondering how I could NOT have seen the A earlier.
My counselor kindly pointed out what I WAS noticing before I realized the A was going on. I DID notice my wife withdrawing from me....I just was ignorant to the possibility that an A was an option for her.
NOW I am aware A is an option.
My point is that you are probably really in tune with your relationship with your husband. Even if he is a master manipulator...you have seen the tricks behind his magic show...you now know what to look for.
Trust your gut. Trusting your spouse is difficult, but your gut tends to be right. It should be even more right after the A...since it has been educated to what to notice and look for.
NOTE: It is still a very real possibility that your marriage is actually improving to the point of making him genuinely happy! Don't be quick to rule this out...it very much could be the case for you. I pray it is the case for all of us at some point.
God be with us all.
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.
Posts: 4492 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Member # 38966
| Posted: 3:52 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013|
He was occasionally on a giddy super-high. Very strange. Of course, I didn't even think to investigate. Just thought it was work going well, or something. Other times, more vacant and disconnected.
Me: BW 50
Him:"Rockstar" late 50's
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Posts: 219 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
Member # 38712
| Posted: 3:57 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013|
Oh no no. At least not with me, I was ruining her fantasy world with the mundane. She was snappish and distant and always late from work. She would get irritated and angry with me at the drop of a hat.
She's her old self again now. Must be nice.
together 10 years prior to:
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
Trying to reconcile
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
Posts: 76 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 35862
| Posted: 5:07 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013|
During his affair he was distant, cold at times, distracted, cruel to me & the kids. Verbally abusive. He acted like I just pissed him off all the time. Anything to do with us was an inconvenience. He was moody and miserable to be around.
Then there were times he was loving
I imagine it's very hard to live a double life.
In the end it was so sad and scary to see the mental breakdown of my H. Apparently, he could only handle the stress for so long.
Me: BS H: WS
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."
Posts: 735 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 36857
| Posted: 6:22 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013|
It is what nogoingback said above. "I was ruining her fantasy with the mundane."
Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"
Posts: 1053 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
|Topic Posts: 67|