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I am 4 months into reconciliation with WH. Things are going well, excluding the occasional trigger. The more time I spend with him the better I feel. Unfortunately I can't be with him all the time! I'm not worried that he's still cheating. I just hate being away from him. I'm very insecure and vulnerable right now. I'm sure that's normal. When he's with me I'm so certain that he wants to fix things as much as I do. But when we are apart I start doubting that. I'm glad I found this site. It will be nice to have people who understand.

Glad you found SI site but so sorry to have you here. I am 9 months out from D-day and it does get better. Have had some times that we back peddle but that seems to be the thing. Around 6-7 month out was really bad and it could have been related to the cold snowy winters and long dark times.

Is your spouse totally transparent? Do you have access to cell phone, emails, computers and etc? Need to and I still check just to make sure when things maybe are too good or not. He has lost all privacy and cannot change pass words without telling me. I rarely check any more, but I did a lot early on to give myself peace of mind......and him some understanding that if he did not follow the MC's guidelines, he was telling me to leave.

The self doubt is there for a long while....and understand it can take a long while for it to get better. It is strange to me how another female can have no affect on me for years and the affair has changed so many things in our relationship and how we relate to others. Trust is gone....

Take care of yourself and know you can always share anything here.

hi there...welcome to si...so many great people on this site...so much valuable support and encouragement. it sure is a painful process. it sounds like you have a remorseful husband...and that is so helpful when trying to heal.

just remember to take it all one day at a time. it is a rollercoaster...and expect...no...count on it getting really bad before it gets better....the whole attempt at r is a process.

it just takes a really long time to heal..and allow yourself that, no matter what. we are all here for you!

[This message edited by sri624 at 11:21 PM, July 1st (Monday)]

Thanks for the responses. I haven't demanded transparency from him. It didn't feel right for me. I don't want to be with him if I have to be his parole officer or warden. I totally get why other BS need that though. He knows I'm not stupid, and if he lies, I will ( and have) found out. I trust him in that I know that he knows if he cheats again we are DONE.

Hello Ohio, I'm not as far along as you and I definitely notice that I feel better when we are together. How were you pre-A? I was totally a loner pre-A...pretty much had to detach and grow into that because WH was not very emotionally available.

I think that now that we are talking every day for hours, I am slowly allowing myself to feel that vulnerability again (and it is very tough for me, but that's for another thread).

As for the transparency thing, I originally felt the same as you, but then it became a symbol of sorts to me. The fact that I CAN have access to everything showed me that I could feel safe to investigate and piece together the A. WH was totally fine with it, and honestly I think that to him it was a bit of a symbol also (recognizing that he will have a looooong haul to earn back my trust).

Same here only two months out and I am only ok when he is here not that I suspect but because he can take my mind of my thoughts I played the mind movies over and over and over they rarely make me cry now just get me angry . The first month all I wanted to do was throw up. Still I get very depressed and sort of silent and my mind goes off to A land . Is sucks that your still have that separation anxiety I guess I have a ways to go . Though WH is transparent I don't go crazy checking everything either I will on occasion ask who texted him or what he's doing being it was a ONS there isn't a real OW to worry about but still do check in time to time but no way am I the prole officer actually It about the same pre-A accept I wasn't looking to find something this time I'm prepared in case.

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 8:15 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]