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I feel so crazy! I am 19 months out from dd. WH is out of town this week and I had been doing well with it recently and feeling somewhat good and lighthearted. Then I spoke with him in the phone. It's like he is my trigger. As soon as we start talking and there isn't a whole lot to say I start to question why I didn't get all the hours and hours of calls and texts from him. Why didn't I get the time and energy he gave her? I ended up hanging up and then texting him a recent pic of her that I found on Facebook (where she looks terrible). I told him I just want him to see what he could have right now! Now I just sit here and think what am I doing? I am supposed to work on letting go! I feel absolutely crazy sometimes. I guess overall it is less often but still....this isn't me. God I wouldn't want to talk to me either!
Maybe the drinks I was having to relax weren't such a good idea after all.
Please please please let this end!

That sounds like the symptoms of having been gas lighted and you are just now regaining your senses. You cannot expect to live in their crazy world and feel normal. Just remember, all of their lies were your normal until you realized the truth and now have to redefine your own reality again. Been there and still trying to cope but your truth will win out over their false reality soon if you remember they believed wrong was right and wanted you to believe right was wrong.

If you are crazy, I am too...and we might be.

I, too, think about how much time and energy my WW put into her relationship with the OM...how quick she responded to HIS text, how often she thought about him, how excited she was to see him.

I also look at myself, see that the pain of the affair has on me...how I trigger, how I anger...and I too think I wouldn't want to talk to me either.

I also find that a beer helps...which I know is not a good thing.

I know we have to heal ourselves before our marriage can heal. I am torn though on how this looks. Much of what I read about a BS recovering from an affair has to do with what the WS does immediately after discovery and then how willing they are to assist the BS deal with the fallout.

But their is another problem at play here....our broken marriages. We had issues pre-A...didn't really know it, but they were there. Repairing this damage is much more of a solo venture...my wife and I have coping mechanisms and other issues within ourselves to deal with.

So that is the rub right? Parts of recovery are a team issue, parts are a solo venture. What I find that makes me crazy is that sometimes, thanks to triggers caused by my wifes A, our solo trails cross and tangle with the team work trail that is dealing with the affair....only my WW fails to recognize this and takes it as me being needy and demanding....a very unattractive thing.

I am closer to DD then you are. Do you have a classic remorseful husband who is tolerant and patient when you do stuff like send him a facebook picture of the OW? I do not have a classic remorseful wife...and tolerance is not a particular strong part of her personality right now when it comes to me triggering over the affair.

Wife and I were our firsts too....read that in your profile...maybe this is harder for people who have not had sex with other people...maybe if we had other sex partners pre marriage this would not sting as much?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:32 AM, July 5th (Friday)]

He also talked to the filth for hours. He called her Sundays while I was at church and spent 2 hours yacking with her on j=his cell phone. His conversations with me were. Do we need anything? Going to your Sisters?