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Thanks all for the support so far!

Some background: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=499571&HL=39602

Planning to leave WS this month and as I'm making my exit plans, I realize there is still SO much I want to know. I have proof (mostly screenshots of conversations between the two from his FB page) that prove he was screwing her six weeks after we married, and also that he probably sent her money, but I'd like to know how deep their relationship went-- exactly how much betrayal I'm dealing with right now.

They are still friends on FB. A couple days before I leave I want to message her and ask her for the details of the relationship (she is married as well.) I want to tell her quite plainly that I have proof they f*cked around, and if I don't get a clear and cohesive timeline of what happened OR if she tells my WH I contacted her, I will not hesitate to send such proof to each and every person on her friends list, including her husband.

That's all I want from her. Nothing else.

If this is a colossally stupid idea, please talk me out of this. Ugh. I hate this situation so much.

You would be much, much better off contacting her husband instead of her.

She is more likely to tell you things that SHE wants you to hear, truth or lies; not the truth you need to hear.

Her husband, on the other hand, may put two and two together as you talk and impart information to you. It was while I talked to the other woman's husband that I got information - much more than she would ever have given me.

Go to him with it gently because he may be unaware of it, and with proof, letting him know what information you need. It may take him a couple days to go through things in his mind or he may have immediate information.

Cheaters lie. She will lie her ass off. Don't bother.

Contact her H - tell him. It is not fair for him to be in the dark.

Do not tell OW or WS you are contacting her BS.

As far as her friends list goes...I'm all for it, but not sure you would have legal issues...perhaps someone else will come along who can clear that up.

Damned if I'd keep this shit in - hell, I've heard of stories where people post their WSs infiedlity on friggin billboards!

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 7:47 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

Focus on you and your future. Let the dead bury the dead so to speak.

I think that your plan is great, except the telling OW part.

I wouldn't tell her or WS anything, only send your proof to her BS and let that part go. If her BS wants to bury his head and stay, that's on him.

If you are really set on leaving, then why the need to know more? Is there a closure you are looking for in the knowing of how far it really went?

Focus on you and getting away. Then, afterwards, if you want to let the BH know, go for it. Out your lying, hypocritical husband to the church leadership then too.

But only after you are safe and away.

Maybe I have missed a post somewhere but did you tell your parents? When are you leaving? The sooner, the better.

And I know I am echoing other posters but -- this is so not your fault, Frankie. And you have been given a tremendous gift to see this guy for what he is NOW, before you are tied to him through a child or two.

((Frankiebaby))

Maybe I have missed a post somewhere but did you tell your parents? When are you leaving? The sooner, the better.

I haven't told them yet. Part of me is afraid that they, since they are quite traditional and he is an old family friend (lived with my cousin, worked with my father in the past) will make me confront him and try and work through things, and I don't think I'd be strong enough to keep to my resolution to leave him and not look back. They would want answers that I'm not sure I'm willing to work with him to get.

I just want to be free of him.

I just signed a contract for a new job and will be leaving this month, fingers crossed.

Don't expect honesty from mow. Imo, and from what i have experienced and seen on SI she will lie, minimize and deflect. Tell her BH before she has a chance to spin a bullshit story to him. Expose her. Mow are a special kind of f*cked up. Dont be surprised if she sees herself as the victim. You dont mean anything to her, not as a person, a woman or as a wife. All just my opinion.

Honey, don't do it.
I did several things Sunday that I totally regret and can't take back.
I do not think she will give you any honestly.
My WH "girlfriend" of 4 years told me two times, once in a text and once on the phone that they were over. Lies, lies, lies.
Take care.

I made the mistake of speaking with the mOM first. I should have spoken with his BW first.

Don't go to the OW now. Listen to what others here have said. Speak to her BH first. The OW will lie, cheat, and steal all the way and you will be no better off than you were to start.