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GRRR WH and I had it out last night. Well more of me wanting to punch him in the face. He says some of the stupidest S&#%. He asked if he had just been talking to a woman on the phone just a friend no sex talk or anything if I would think something was going on. I asked like 50 texts a day hours talking on the phone? He said yes. I told him yes I would be upset because he was putting time into her he shouldn't be. "Friends" do not do that even if they aint talking about sex and all that. Then he says off and on for 2 years he has wanted out of the marriage. Hes always wanted me just not all the fighting and that. So I ask when did he decide he did want the marriage. Get this, at the end of Jan 2013. I feel like I have been completely mind fu$#&d by him for so long and I didn't even know it. I asked why the heck didn't he put the effort into trying to fix the marriage instead of his A. He totally does a blame shift and said because I wouldn't let him. I asked how the hell did I make him choose not to work on our marriage. Crickets. So finally I just asked him why the hell didn't he just stay away after he asked for a divorce back in Nov 2012 instead of coming back 2 weeks later saying no he didn't want one he wanted to work it out. He says because he saw how much stress it had caused me. Are you freaking kidding me??? OMG I am so angry. I had to walk away because I was truly afraid I was going to swing on him. This is not R, he just doesn't freaking get it. He is still being such a selfish ass. Any and all advise welcome.

Any and all advise welcome

My advice in these situations...

180 is your friend

It is my friend and I always keep her nearby in case I need the support.

He clearly doesn't get it. I'm seconding the 180 advice. Detach from the crazy, turn your focus away from him, and train it on yourself. ((((Markay))))

3rd for the 180. For me, it didn't matter what I said mattered in these matters. It took reading the book by Shirley Glass (Not Just Friends) for him to somewhat understand. In other words, in my situation it didn't matter what I said about how ___ he was doing was hurting me. When someone else said it, it made sense to him. Would you WH be willing to read the book?

((((Markay81))))

Sorry, I had to shake my head... All of what your wh said is the same as what I got. ALL of it and repeatedly.

My suggestion is 180! If I would have listened to all my fam here I would not have lived in the hell for nearly 4 years. Also, he was still in his A and then he was still in A fog.

We are seperated now. We are off and on now. We are not committing to R at all but we are civil and I'm really starting to detach. But, it has taken me SOOOOO long... Now, I am like.. Okay, thats nice.. and walk away.. I do not engage in him. I have learned when I do, I get the mind fuck, no empathy, and blaming me or the marriage or "all we did was fight, I am scared that we will keep doing that"...HUMMMM....HELLO??????
"We fought for all those years because you blamed me and you were fucking HOworker, partying with her, and and letting her disrepect me and our kids"

180 him, he needs a HUGE wake up call. If you don't he may always do what he is doing and you will start to think you are crazy, and be fustrated because you keep hitting the brick wall with him.

Sorry sweetie.

I am for you!

Thanks everyone. I did start the 180 when all this started. But stopped cause he was doing the transparency, answering my questions, saying how truly sorry he was and holding me when I bawled like a wounded animal, I could see pain in his eyes. He did read How to help your spouse heal from your affair. He was doing all these great things then bam the other night hits. So I was like WTF??? I need to put my bitch boots back on, keep the damn things on and start the 180 again.