Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: Advice re: WH and his XW and some allegations
♀ 34740
Member # 34740
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my 11yo stepson is dealing with a lot, depression and now on medication. He's been going to therapy steady for about 6 weeks now, my WH takes him, XW rarely does. XW called us on Sunday evening and said she had concerns about the therapist and refused to go back. Seems the therapist told her on their last visit - over a month ago - "SS was being emotionally abused at our house" and of course, she didn't believe her, doesn't think the therapist reported it but why would the therapist make a claim like that and the XW thinks SS needs a new therapist, in fact she was looking for one.

WTH? A month ago and you're just telling us now? WH had a therapy appt for him the next day and promised to talk to the therapist. Said therapist denied saying anything like that, said they did the standard questions but she in fact does not believe there is any abuse going on. In fact, believes WH is an engaged and active parent - much more so than XW.

So now what? XW clearly made up this lie for some reason. I am clueless as to why. I am very worried. I have sole custody of my 13 yo son, but his father doesn't play around and is not happy about my WH's affair which my son disclosed to him. If the XW is starting to make allegations and waves, if CPS starts an investigation, then I could potentially lose my son. His father has no leg to stand on at this moment, but that would give him the ammunition needed to try to take him. I cannot have that.

I don't like dealing with crazy. WH and I are almost done anyways, and this, tops the cake.

WH was supposed to confront XW with the lie but "hasn't had time"...he'll try today.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I am breaking under all this strain.

D-Day#1 - Dec. 8, 2011 - found the receipt
D-Day#2 - Dec. 28, 2011 - found the phone logs
D-Day#3 - Jan. 6, 2012 - admitted to PA
3 amazing sons - 13DS, 13SS, 11SS
in R

Posts: 762 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry - I don't have any experience that will help you. Just wanted to send you some support.


You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40247 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 38408
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You work in law - so you know how to get XW to chill if you want to:

Send a letter to the therapist, cc'ing XW that these are the allegations that have been made about your son's environment, and that you expect a response as to why the breach of confidentiality by discussing your son's treatment and situation with a non-related party.

Or, better yet, invite the therapist to write the letter, cc'ing the XW that her allegations of therapeutic breach of confidentiality will not be tolerated and met with the full consequences of the law for misleading statements. That way you have a paper trail of the lie, and the therapist's threat of legal consequences on the XW so that any rumor your XH attempts to act on will be completely neutralized.

I'm not a lawyer, but something along these lines would be something I'd explore in a similar situation.

(I used to work in a therapeutic setting where a confidentiality form was required to be completed by visitors, and I very nearly used it in a situation where there was clearly a breach of that confidentiality agreement)

Posts: 732 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 34740
Member # 34740
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do work in law. unfortunately this is about my stepson, for whom I have no legal responsibilities. The therapist has every right to discuss this with WH and XW. XW just made up a lie as to an allegation she says the therapist made.

So...XW seems to be trying to start something. Problem is I do have complete control over my son and he lives in the house XW is saying she has been told is emotionally abusive to her son.

Does that make sense?

Basically I have my WH's crazy XW making abuse allegations about her son while he is in our custody. We just don't know the extent she is taking the allegations, if she's reporting them, or just testing the water by saying them to us.

She's crazy, bottom line. I just can't let my son be affected by WHXW's craziness.

[This message edited by FightingChance at 9:42 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

D-Day#1 - Dec. 8, 2011 - found the receipt
D-Day#2 - Dec. 28, 2011 - found the phone logs
D-Day#3 - Jan. 6, 2012 - admitted to PA
3 amazing sons - 13DS, 13SS, 11SS
in R

Posts: 762 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 38408
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

perhaps then requesting that since the issue has been raised about your son's home environment, that she may be called to testify at some point, unless she's willing to provide documentation that she has never perceived that your son's home environment is abusive and has never mentioned such a thing to XW. If you have that documentation in hand, then let XW do her derndest!

Posts: 732 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 21183
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fighting Chance,

Since you stated - You "are almost done" with this marrige to WH....
Why delay leaving/divorcing WH; and taking any chance of putting your relationship/custody of your OWN SON at risk by delaying this divorce from WH any longer?

If you're DONE with this marriage to WH -- then be done! Leave, file for a divorce and move on with your life, with your own son.
WHY risk anything so valuable to you (custody of your son)- for this failed marriage

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6216 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: PA
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the therapist sending a letter to XW regarding the allegations that XW put in the therapists mouth is the way to go. That way the therapist is aware of what XW is saying about them.

Starting a paper trail is the best way to deal with this...IMHO.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.