Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Long story sort, current BS, fWW/BW to my SAWXH in my first marriage. Basically his A was when we first got married, my first was almost 4 years later. We never dealt with either of our issues. We were both the posterchild for horrible WS's, gaslighting, blameshifting, rugsweeping, took A underground and all. I ended up leaving him and along the road found remorse. I had guilt at first but did find remorse after we were divorced.
Met current WH and my own WW side never (I mean really, seriously NEVER) reared it's ugly head until Dday. Since, I have *REALLY* struggled at times with that side of me. It is back full force today and I need help.
I get hurt, from some trigger or just because it's a day that ends in Y and I am a BS. Then the resentment and entitlements kick in. I see the pattern clear as day. I *KNOW* it's faulty thinking. It feels like I am a dry drunk on days like today. I have to force myself NOT to act on these feelings. I know I won't actually do it. But how do I *STOP* the feelings from even happening or from overwhelming me?
I have done my own digging and working on me. IC, digging into MEGA, MEGA ACOA issues, figured out my why's. Current WH's A really did blow open the door on ALL my issues, from childhood on. I have worked my butt off to try and fix my side of things.
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an