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Sad and angry

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musiclovingmom posted 7/2/2013 11:10 AM

Yesterday was one year since my H's sexfest with his last OW. We spent a lot of the day driving home (we had been out of town for my grandmother's 80th bday party). I had told him the day before and reminded him yesterday morning that I would likely need extra support and attention. We dropped my daughter off with her father and came home. It was very hot in our house (we left the swamp cooler off while we were gone), so we went to have pizza for dinner. He thought it would be nice to get a redbox movie and some beer to take home. The boys started throwing a fit in the store while he was checking out, so I took them outside and left him to choose a movie. He brought out an action flick and a kids' movie. Generally, I don't like action flicks. When I'm the slightest bit stressed, I hate them. The noise is more than I can handle. Since I'm a SAHM, my idea of intimate time with my H doesn't include kid movies - I do that every day. My H knows this, so I'm already irritated by the time we get home. I feed our baby and start getting him relaxed. My H did manage to put our toddler to bed, but not before yelling at him and therefore increasing my anxiety level. By this time, the baby has also been screaming for 20+ minutes. I'm more than a bit frazzled and it is visible. So, my H decides the best course of action is to start the action flick saying 'if it gets to be too much for you i'll turn it off'. Crying baby in hand, I try to watch with him. The baby gets louder and he turns up the volume. I leave the room. I get the baby asleep, but have seriously digressed by this point, so I don't come back out. Never once did he come to check on me. In fact, he didn't come to bed for at least 3 more hours. (Yes, I did remind him that I was upset and that I felt like he was making the night completely about what he wanted). This morning, the boys woke up at 6:40. When he finally got up (3 hours later), it was because he got called to work. He let me know what he would be doing, where and that it would be a long day (I usually have to drag this information out, so he gets points for that). He kisses me like always and says I love you. As he's leaving, he acknowledges that I'm still angry by saying 'I know you don't really care about any of that right now' and walks out. I know I'm passive aggressive and I'm working very hard to communicate when I'm upset and need him, but right now I just want to be gone when he gets home just to see his reaction. I know he wouldn't react and I'd just get more angry. Idk. I'm rambling now and have no real point. I'm just angry and sad and he totally failed to meet my needs on a devastatingly difficult day.

crazycatlady posted 7/2/2013 11:30 AM

I hear you and understand why you are hurt. Others will come along with better insights but bless you and your babies.

PinkJeepLady posted 7/2/2013 15:16 PM

I hear ya music mom! I was a SAHM for years and I so remember how hectic it can be. Wonderful, but at times a bit stressful?!
I have been thinking about your post and I am wondering if the same exact scenario had happened pre-cheating, would your reaction have been the same? I wonder if I react differently as a BS to let's say mildly annoying things? Is it that your H just wasn't being sensitive to the movie, crying kids or was it all that on top of the A?
Just random thinking, hope you don't mind!
I can see that you needed a bit more sensitivity last night, which you certainly deserved! I hope you guys will be able to make arrangements soon for a sitter and movie of YOUR choice!
Take care,

musiclovingmom posted 7/2/2013 15:56 PM

PinkJeep - I think about that too. Thing is, I probably would have reacted the same way. I am a little spoiled in that I am used to having things go my way (I'm typically the one planning things and that makes getting your way easier). I tend to get upset when something doesn't go the way I wanted it to. I know it's inappropriate for an adult to pout, and I have gotten better about it. My H's job is constantly ruining our plans (he's on call 24/7). Last night it was just all intermingled - uncomfortably hot, what HE wanted for dinner, beer for HIM, movies HE wanted to see, screaming babies and all the emotions associated with A stuff and life in general this time of year. I think, honestly, I felt like I was giving him a chance to prove he was there for me (since he botched that so badly this time last year because he was focused on his A) and he failed miserably. What's worse is he doesn't seem to care today either. Even though I've clearly told him I am not feeling loved by him at all right now.

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