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Nature_Girl posted 7/2/2013 11:55 AM

So, do y'all have something in your final decrees about not taking the children on trips more than XX miles away unless you notify the other parent in advance?

I found out that STBX has been making secret plans with the kids to take them on a long trip over 1,000 miles away. Mind you, he does not have custody, nor will he have custory, not does he even have overnight visitation at this point. Some day he MIGHT have overnights, but it will take a lot on his part to get to that point. Regardless, the secret "don't tell Mom" vacation plans have been made.

So what kind of language needs to be put in a decree indicating that the parents aren't to take the children out of state or more than XX miles away without advance notice?

Lord, why do I have to have such an idiot for the father of my children?

Undefinabl3 posted 7/2/2013 12:28 PM

Yes - and in plain english.

1. DH can not take his son out of state for any reason without first telling Bio-Mom about it (and vice versa). (this is usually not an issue. We went to a zoo out of state and all it took was "hey we are going to X zoo".

2. We are allowed to move up to 50 miles away from Bio-mom's location and still handle our own pick up and drop offs (so she drops off, then we drop off). However, anything over 50 miles then we have to do both OR we have to agree upon a location that works for all of us.

Our state is fairly small, so the amount of miles doesnt apply, but if you live in like TX or CA, it might make a big difference.

A friend of ours actually got full custody of his DD and has it in the divorce decree that she is not allowed to take the child out of state at all. His XWW was thisclose to moving across the country to be a with a guy she'd only known online with his daughter. He got into her emails and found out what was going on.

Also, I would put your point in about type of travel - planes, trains, buses...so that you know how they are traveling and what not.

Amazonia posted 7/2/2013 12:33 PM

I have seen this a lot on SI - like Undefinabl3 said, it's usually pretty straight forward. You probably want to say that if either parent plans to take the children more than xx miles from home, they must give advance written notice to the other parent, and if the child will be staying overnight away from home, the other parent must be given an address of where they will be staying at least one week in advance.

In your case, make sure you're also the one who holds their passports.

caregiver9000 posted 7/2/2013 13:28 PM

Yes, if overnight travel more than 50 miles from home, must provide physical address and phone number for location to the non-traveling parent.

Like so much in these situations, having the written legal right to something is far different from having something.

Get your children a cell phone. My boys have a prepaid cell, no data plan. Flat rate per minute and per text. Don't make a big deal about the cell with stbx. Try not to react when he removes the battery, takes it from the kids, and claims you are trying to "control him." (um, yeah, that happened.)

As for the super secret pie in the sky vacations... It sounds like fantasy.

Definitely address the secret keeping thing again with the kids. My kids shared plans to go to Disney World, to fly to some far away state to visit OW's family and I overheard ex promise to take DS fishing in...... Mongolia! yep. Plans are just talk. Lack of overnight visitation? Big stumbling block dude.

eta: the kids have not taken those trips, big surprise. Car trips have been taken and ex has followed the decree about 50% of the time, or only provided half information.

[This message edited by caregiver9000 at 1:32 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]