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One more rant about the WW who just won't go away

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dbellanon posted 7/2/2013 12:01 PM

The latest in the STBX move-out saga is that after making a push to get an apartment for July 1st, my WW was once-again turned down, meaning that she's now looking at places with leases beginning August 1st (and there aren't many. It's not a popular date), or September 1st. It's hard to think of anything that I'd like less right now than to live with her for another two months.

Her double-think at the moment is truly amazing. I mentioned in a previous post that the apartments she is looking at are way out of her price range (The cheapest chewing up a full 2/3rds of her income). This time, she actually admitted that one of the apartments she applied to was out of her price range ($2100/month for a two bedroom!), but when she was rejected, she still vented to me about how frustrated she was that the landlord discriminated against her because she was a student. Unbelievable!

I feel like I'm completely stuck. I've tried to convince her on multiple occasions to live further away from the city and closer to me, where it's cheaper and she could have easier access to her daughter. She refuses to listen. For a brief moment, even her mother (who has mostly just been enabling her behavior in this whole process) was actually trying to convince her of the same thing. I have no idea what happened to that, but one way or another, there's no persuading her.

I'm stuck. Some folks on this site suggested setting a move-out date for her, but the problem is that I don't really have any authority to do that. The lease is in both of our names. She has as much right to be here as I do. I wish I could kick her out, but I can't. I could try to get our landlord to evict her. I'm not sure exactly how I would convince him. He's a decent guy, and I suppose I could try to appeal to the famous supreme court case of Bros vs. Hoes, but it's risky, and I have no idea what my WW would do in that circumstance. She'd probably go ballistic, maybe even lawyer up and ditch the whole collaborative process.

No. Unfortunately, it seems that the best course of action is just to stay on the best terms we can and hope to God that somebody is stupid enough to rent to her soon.

In the mean time, I'm still doing the brunt of the housekeeping and child care while she is out doing her apartment hunt. I think the only reason I am doing it is because I want her to leave. If I make it harder for her to find a place than she is already making it for herself, then it's just going to prolong the process.

The nightmare goes on. End rant.

Afraid2LoveAgain posted 7/2/2013 12:54 PM

He's a decent guy, and I suppose I could try to appeal to the famous supreme court case of Bros vs. Hoes, but it's risky, and I have no idea what my WW would do in that circumstance.

That is hilarious!

movingforward13 posted 7/2/2013 13:44 PM

Can you move? I know you may not want to but if she is making it impossible for her to find a place, then you should focus on yourself. Let her keep the place and you move. Or at least get off the lease first so you aren't responsible.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 1:45 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

SBB posted 7/2/2013 17:53 PM

He's a decent guy, and I suppose I could try to appeal to the famous supreme court case of Bros vs. Hoes, but it's risky, and I have no idea what my WW would do in that circumstance.

Oh, my ribs. One for the quotes thread.

I'd seriously consider giving your landlord notice and moving out too. That will definitely force her hand.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 5:55 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

dbellanon posted 7/2/2013 19:16 PM

Moving out is technically an option for me, but it's not a good option for several reasons.

First of all, I'm in the middle of a job search. I would probably have similar problems convincing landlords to rent to me without having a steady income. In addition, if I do move, I would want to move closer to where I work. Since I don't know where that is, it doesn't make sense to move.

The apartment that we have is a very good place at a very good price for the area. I am admittedly very fortunate that she is leaving it to me (a fact of which she never ceases to remind me). And her reasons for doing so are good, namely that she said that she wants our daughter to have at least some semblance of consistency and stability. I agree with this, and so I want to stay as well, at least for the time being.

Adding an apartment hunt on my part to my wife's apartment hunt, my job hunt, the divorce, everything would be a terrible stress for me. I would just be replacing one stress (the stress of living with her) with another one.

So no. I don't think I'll be moving out. Maybe if I find a job soon...

dbellanon posted 7/2/2013 19:17 PM

I believe the court ruled in favor of Bros.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/2/2013 19:22 PM

You could have a free consul with an atty w/o her knowing. Ask how you could get a legal separation filed in a nice way so that she doesn't get all rattled.

I, too, was too stressed out to move after Dday. I am so glad I stayed put and kept it together for my sons....It is hard sometimes, because the OW and XWH were in my home together. YUCK., but I'm making it mine.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 7/2/2013 19:28 PM

Sending job mojo your way. Right now STBX and I live together. I think the fact that I am detached so much helps. I literally say one or two sentences a day to him...kids, house, finances only. Your WW needs to know you are not her sounding board for her money/apartment woes. When STBX is here at the same time...he goes upstairs. We spend as little time together as possible.

dbellanon posted 7/2/2013 19:40 PM

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. There actually is no such thing as legal separation in my state, which is both a blessing and curse.

We don't see each other much or spend much time together (as I write, I have just put my daughter to bed, and I have no idea where she is), but every time we do see each other, there is always SOMETHING. Discussions about the details of the divorce agreement we are trying to work out are always heated and stressful. Just this morning, she gave me grief about going out for a run in the morning. Whether it's the little things or the small things, there is rarely a moment that we spend in each other's presence that is pleasant.

What is more, I am anxious to get this divorce taken care of. While we can technically start the process while living together, it will be easier if we do not. It is our intent to split our assets before filing for divorce, that way we can just have our agreement stipulate that, for instance, whatever she already has at her place stays with her, and whatever I have at my place stays with me. If we can pull it off, it'll be a lot easier, but it all depends our possessions being separated before we file.

kernel posted 7/2/2013 20:15 PM

I suppose I could try to appeal to the famous supreme court case of Bros vs. Hoes

*snork* Love it!

Also, t/j - I just have to say $2100 for a two-bedroom apartment, holy shit!

m334455 posted 7/2/2013 22:19 PM

She should get a roommate if she wants a fancier place.

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