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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Waiting
stilllovemywife
♂ 32910
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over two years out and I'm still waiting. Waiting for something I'm not sure will ever come. I'm angry. I've changed. I'm no longer the person I want to be. I don't smile. I don't laugh. I don't socialize. I just robotically go through the motions each day, looking. Looking for something I've lost. Something I've yet to find.

Today is my birthday. Nobody has wished me a happy birthday except my son and my WW. It fills me with joy to hear it from my son. I don't know how to feel when my WW says it.

Today is my birthday and I am filled with sorrow and sadness. Regret and remorse. I'm filled with a sense of loss and of loneliness. I have a picture of my wife and I and our dog (at the time) during happier times. You can see the happiness on our faces and the love in our eyes. I miss that.

I still struggle daily with what has happened. I'm still trying to figure out the why. Saddest part is I know it is still going on. I know they still sleep together and I know they still talk daily. I feel inadequate and paralyzed to do anything about it.

Today is my birthday.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
Josephine01
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stilllovemywife,

I don't know if this will help, but Happy Birthday !! I will think about you today and try to send happy thoughts your way.

Have you told your WW what you just told us? If so, does she care that she is putting you through so much pain? If not perhaps, it is time to move on. I am sorry. Not trying to be harsh, but it seems like this relationship is toxic for you.

Take care my friend.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stilllovemywife,

Happy Birthday mate. I wish there was something I could say to lift your spirits.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Dec 2011
kiki1
♀ 37184
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((stilllovemywife))) My heart aches for you. Happy Birthday Friend

Posts: 680 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
healingk
♀ 28889
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday, I wish I could say the right things to you, but I am not sure what they are, I do know one thing , if you ww continues in the directions she is going, it will be extremely hard for you to ever be happy. It may be time to think about being happy without her.

I am so sorry and I will be sending good thoughts your way.


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
stilllovemywife
♂ 32910
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for the kind words and birthday wishes. I just don't want to be alone. I don't like to be alone. I was a good person once. I was someone people wanted to spend time with, do things with. Now I feel like I'm just a bitter, angry person that has driven everyone away with my issues.

Someday I will be someone again. I will be good again. Hell, I'll be great again. Someday, just not today. Today, I am going to try to smile. Today, I am going to try to enjoy 1 thing, no matter how small.

I will give myself something for my birthday. I'm giving myself the permission to smile and to laugh. At least once. Maybe I just don't know it's ok to do so and I need to tell myself it is.

Before the A, I always felt like I knew what was ahead for me in life. I knew where we were going and what we were doing. I knew the road ahead. Now, after A, there is no road in front of me and I don't know what lies ahead and I'm scared. The world just seems so different now. Everything about it is so different.

I have told my wife all that I said in my first post. I don't know that she cares. She says she does, but actions speak louder than words.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
PinkJeepLady
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"actions speak louder than words" thanks for the reminder!
I know how it feels to not be the person you want to be
I am sorry for your sadness on your birthday. Just getting through those days are tough, all I can add is that maybe you can celebrate something about YOU personally? Reflect on your accomplishments perhaps?
If all else fails, try a large piece of chocolate cake, that and a ride in a pink jeep helps me cope (at least temporarily!)
Take care of YOU today and Happy Birthday!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
1Faith
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Still

Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday Dear Still
Happy Birthday to YOU

Cha Cha Cha....

(((sending birthday hugs)))

Try and do something for you today. Just for you. You deserve it.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Apr 2013
unfound
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saddest part is I know it is still going on. I know they still sleep together and I know they still talk daily. I feel inadequate and paralyzed to do anything about it.

^ so she is still active in her affair?

I have told my wife all that I said in my first post. I don't know that she cares. She says she does, but actions speak louder than words.

if she's still seeing her ap, then her actions are clearly saying she doesn't...

what are you waiting on really? when you take actions, you will be able to change. I hope that your fear and feelings of being paralyzed turn to at the least anger, and at the most, empowerment to not just act, but to do so in a way that brings you the happiness you deserve.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14866 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
huRtZ413
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2 years is a long time to be in despair , and to know she is still doing it! How horrible!

I'd like to wish you a happy birthday but its seems that's hard for you.


But I will say thank goodness you were born! Through you , you have the son that makes you smile.


I hope you find the strength to leave and know that you'll be ok . You can find love and you can be happy.



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Still.

I am so, so sorry for your continued pain.

Maybe today you can start by giving yourself the gift of letting go.

What your wife has done to you does NOT define you.

Before the A, I always felt like I knew what was ahead for me in life. I knew where we were going and what we were doing

Sometimes we have to change directions. We hit a detour and it throws off our plans...but only until we regroup and start a new journey.

Allow yourself to think about starting a new path. She isn't helping you heal and being stuck will not get you where you need to be.

Take a baby step today and imagine...imagine a trip that has changed direction and the wonderful possibilities that can come from this new road.

You can find happy again, one step at a time. Nobody else can give you this gift but you. Please allow yourself the opportunity.

You deserve a life worth smiling about.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
stilllovemywife
♂ 32910
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes Unfound. Still active in the A. Yes she still sees him.

And I hope so too Unfound. I want these feelings to change as well. Something has to, because there is no point continuing this way. I realize that the pain staying with her will always be there. She doesn't want to change. The pain if I leave will eventually fade and I will be able to move on. I have also decided that I am going to give myself that "time frame" that I need. I will set a time frame after which, I will move on. I have to.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
stilllovemywife
♂ 32910
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great Advice Karma....I will try that.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
SoVerySadNow
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very sorry for the pain you are in.
Happy Birthday to you. I Hooe you are able to feel some bit of happiness today.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope next year is a very happy birthday for you.

Don't forget the 180, bro.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:40 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
girlsbird
♀ 30877
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday wish for you is peace, a delightful time with your son and for you and your child to have a very large piece of cake together.


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday stilllovemywife!!!

Go out and do something you have always wanted to do. You deserve it!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
mtab
♀ 36981
Member # 36981
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now I feel like I'm just a bitter, angry person that has driven everyone away with my issues.


still, this isn't "your issue" this is HER issue.

SHE is broken, incredibly so, if she knows you know and continues on anyway.
SHE. IS. BROKEN.

Why are you still there? You are modeling bad family behaviors for your son.

Kick her out or take your son and leave.

Two years out and you are waiting? Are you kidding? Why do you think it's acceptable for there to be 3 in your marriage? She either stops or you stop it.

This is not a marriage, put your big boy boots on and DO something.

BTW- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[This message edited by mtab at 3:47 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


me:BW 64
him:WS 65
married 22 years
DDay: Sept. 4, 2012
2 sons (his)
1 grandchild
A: 6 mos (according to him) UPDATE:11 months is the latest admission....


Posts: 57 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: off grid middle of nowhere
kenny55
♂ 23014
Member # 23014
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!
If you placed your hand on a hot stove and it started to hurt you what would you do?
Get away form what's hurting you and this will help the pain to fade.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Feb 2009
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok Still...

Let's hear it.

Did you do 1 thing yesterday to make your birthday a little brighter?

Let us know. You sounded really down and taking steps to take care of you can really make a difference.

Share :) it will make you smile.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

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