SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Waiting

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Pages: 1 · 2

stilllovemywife posted 7/2/2013 12:25 PM

Over two years out and I'm still waiting. Waiting for something I'm not sure will ever come. I'm angry. I've changed. I'm no longer the person I want to be. I don't smile. I don't laugh. I don't socialize. I just robotically go through the motions each day, looking. Looking for something I've lost. Something I've yet to find.

Today is my birthday. Nobody has wished me a happy birthday except my son and my WW. It fills me with joy to hear it from my son. I don't know how to feel when my WW says it.

Today is my birthday and I am filled with sorrow and sadness. Regret and remorse. I'm filled with a sense of loss and of loneliness. I have a picture of my wife and I and our dog (at the time) during happier times. You can see the happiness on our faces and the love in our eyes. I miss that.

I still struggle daily with what has happened. I'm still trying to figure out the why. Saddest part is I know it is still going on. I know they still sleep together and I know they still talk daily. I feel inadequate and paralyzed to do anything about it.

Today is my birthday.

Josephine01 posted 7/2/2013 12:37 PM

stilllovemywife,

I don't know if this will help, but Happy Birthday !! I will think about you today and try to send happy thoughts your way.

Have you told your WW what you just told us? If so, does she care that she is putting you through so much pain? If not perhaps, it is time to move on. I am sorry. Not trying to be harsh, but it seems like this relationship is toxic for you.

Take care my friend.

Tred posted 7/2/2013 12:39 PM

Stilllovemywife,

Happy Birthday mate. I wish there was something I could say to lift your spirits.

kiki1 posted 7/2/2013 12:44 PM

(((stilllovemywife))) My heart aches for you. Happy Birthday Friend

healingk posted 7/2/2013 12:50 PM

Happy Birthday, I wish I could say the right things to you, but I am not sure what they are, I do know one thing , if you ww continues in the directions she is going, it will be extremely hard for you to ever be happy. It may be time to think about being happy without her.

I am so sorry and I will be sending good thoughts your way.

stilllovemywife posted 7/2/2013 13:08 PM

Thanks everyone for the kind words and birthday wishes. I just don't want to be alone. I don't like to be alone. I was a good person once. I was someone people wanted to spend time with, do things with. Now I feel like I'm just a bitter, angry person that has driven everyone away with my issues.

Someday I will be someone again. I will be good again. Hell, I'll be great again. Someday, just not today. Today, I am going to try to smile. Today, I am going to try to enjoy 1 thing, no matter how small.

I will give myself something for my birthday. I'm giving myself the permission to smile and to laugh. At least once. Maybe I just don't know it's ok to do so and I need to tell myself it is.

Before the A, I always felt like I knew what was ahead for me in life. I knew where we were going and what we were doing. I knew the road ahead. Now, after A, there is no road in front of me and I don't know what lies ahead and I'm scared. The world just seems so different now. Everything about it is so different.

I have told my wife all that I said in my first post. I don't know that she cares. She says she does, but actions speak louder than words.

PinkJeepLady posted 7/2/2013 13:29 PM

"actions speak louder than words" thanks for the reminder!
I know how it feels to not be the person you want to be
I am sorry for your sadness on your birthday. Just getting through those days are tough, all I can add is that maybe you can celebrate something about YOU personally? Reflect on your accomplishments perhaps?
If all else fails, try a large piece of chocolate cake, that and a ride in a pink jeep helps me cope (at least temporarily!)
Take care of YOU today and Happy Birthday!

1Faith posted 7/2/2013 13:52 PM

Dear Still

Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday Dear Still
Happy Birthday to YOU

Cha Cha Cha....

(((sending birthday hugs)))

Try and do something for you today. Just for you. You deserve it.

unfound posted 7/2/2013 14:07 PM

Saddest part is I know it is still going on. I know they still sleep together and I know they still talk daily. I feel inadequate and paralyzed to do anything about it.

^ so she is still active in her affair?

I have told my wife all that I said in my first post. I don't know that she cares. She says she does, but actions speak louder than words.

if she's still seeing her ap, then her actions are clearly saying she doesn't...

what are you waiting on really? when you take actions, you will be able to change. I hope that your fear and feelings of being paralyzed turn to at the least anger, and at the most, empowerment to not just act, but to do so in a way that brings you the happiness you deserve.

huRtZ413 posted 7/2/2013 14:13 PM

2 years is a long time to be in despair , and to know she is still doing it! How horrible!

I'd like to wish you a happy birthday but its seems that's hard for you.


But I will say thank goodness you were born! Through you , you have the son that makes you smile.


I hope you find the strength to leave and know that you'll be ok . You can find love and you can be happy.

karmahappens posted 7/2/2013 14:14 PM

Happy Birthday Still.

I am so, so sorry for your continued pain.

Maybe today you can start by giving yourself the gift of letting go.

What your wife has done to you does NOT define you.

Before the A, I always felt like I knew what was ahead for me in life. I knew where we were going and what we were doing

Sometimes we have to change directions. We hit a detour and it throws off our plans...but only until we regroup and start a new journey.

Allow yourself to think about starting a new path. She isn't helping you heal and being stuck will not get you where you need to be.

Take a baby step today and imagine...imagine a trip that has changed direction and the wonderful possibilities that can come from this new road.

You can find happy again, one step at a time. Nobody else can give you this gift but you. Please allow yourself the opportunity.

You deserve a life worth smiling about.

(((hugs)))

stilllovemywife posted 7/2/2013 14:16 PM

Yes Unfound. Still active in the A. Yes she still sees him.

And I hope so too Unfound. I want these feelings to change as well. Something has to, because there is no point continuing this way. I realize that the pain staying with her will always be there. She doesn't want to change. The pain if I leave will eventually fade and I will be able to move on. I have also decided that I am going to give myself that "time frame" that I need. I will set a time frame after which, I will move on. I have to.

stilllovemywife posted 7/2/2013 14:18 PM

Great Advice Karma....I will try that.

SoVerySadNow posted 7/2/2013 14:18 PM

I'm very sorry for the pain you are in.
Happy Birthday to you. I Hooe you are able to feel some bit of happiness today.

sisoon posted 7/2/2013 14:39 PM

I hope next year is a very happy birthday for you.

Don't forget the 180, bro.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:40 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

girlsbird posted 7/2/2013 14:46 PM

My birthday wish for you is peace, a delightful time with your son and for you and your child to have a very large piece of cake together.

crazyblindsided posted 7/2/2013 15:33 PM

Happy Birthday stilllovemywife!!!

Go out and do something you have always wanted to do. You deserve it!

mtab posted 7/2/2013 15:45 PM

Now I feel like I'm just a bitter, angry person that has driven everyone away with my issues.


still, this isn't "your issue" this is HER issue.

SHE is broken, incredibly so, if she knows you know and continues on anyway.
SHE. IS. BROKEN.

Why are you still there? You are modeling bad family behaviors for your son.

Kick her out or take your son and leave.

Two years out and you are waiting? Are you kidding? Why do you think it's acceptable for there to be 3 in your marriage? She either stops or you stop it.

This is not a marriage, put your big boy boots on and DO something.

BTW- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[This message edited by mtab at 3:47 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

kenny55 posted 7/2/2013 19:08 PM

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!
If you placed your hand on a hot stove and it started to hurt you what would you do?
Get away form what's hurting you and this will help the pain to fade.

karmahappens posted 7/3/2013 08:02 AM

Ok Still...

Let's hear it.

Did you do 1 thing yesterday to make your birthday a little brighter?

Let us know. You sounded really down and taking steps to take care of you can really make a difference.

Share :) it will make you smile.

(((hugs)))

Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.