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Newest Member: dahlia33 (50586)

User Topic: boundaries/personal space...
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

a visual on how to let someone know you do not hug people of the opposite sex .

I'm not a big hugger, never have personal space with most people is orangutang arms length. I have become skilled in avoiding hugs from those I don't want them from. tense body, furrowed brow, slow or fast step backwards depending on the incoming huggers speed, hell, I'd learn to moonwalk if it would help .

now, in R, it's even more a boundary for me, for additional reasons, and is one mr unfound has as well. I'm sure it's not an issue for some, but it's a part of our R .

might try this technique next time a repeat hugger doesn't get the message!

I put this in R to show that there are always ways to defend your boundaries when people try to cross them (even innocently). plus it's frigging hilarious

[This message edited by unfound at 12:43 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

you are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice. *a universal paradox

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♀ 28837
Member # 28837
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I relate to you - I'm not a big hugger either. Maybe I should say I'm not a casual hugger.

I appreciate that you acknowledge that there are reasons some people need to learn techniques on how to deter the well-meaning (I'll give them the benefit of the doubt) huggers.

This has been a constant problem in our M and seems to be slowly returning in our R, after the strict boundary guidelines after d-day.

Even after d-day, finding out my husband had a LTA, several women friends and relatives all had to hug my husband, to show their support, I guess.

It's very triggering for me.

Anyway, I agree it can be a problem.

Posts: 132 | Registered: Jun 2010
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A good friend of mine is in the process of D with her unremorseful WH. I was at her house the other day helping to prepare for her DD's wedding and he showed up. I put out my hand to shake and he pulled me in for a hug. As a WW I do not want to hug any man who isn't family but we live in the south and hugging is the norm here. I didn't find a way to avoid it and felt like crap for her and me. (She doesn't know about my wayward status.) I told my BH immediately afterward and he wasn't thrilled either. I really need a good plan to enforce this boundary.

ETA my BH says Jiu-jitsu is an option.

[This message edited by knightsbff at 2:43 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 23, 16, 12. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1699 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Topic Posts: 3

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