"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

huRtZ413 posted 7/2/2013 14:36 PM

So we're only two months out and he says he's happy....I'm just shocked

I ask how can you be happy with all this hell were going through better yet I guess I'm going through ...
How can he be happy when he thinks I may cheat on him
Or that I'm fighting with him and crying?.....and the list goes on

He goes to say how can I not be happy we're communicating?, spending time together goin on dates. And you DIDN'T leave me you gave me another chance how can I not be happy ?

I don't know what to say ...he says he feels he's in a better place because he feels he opened up to me about his past now and deployment events that I didn't know about and the PTSD that goes with it . He isn't dignosed and won't go for it but he at least finally came to me about it .

That he is happier now than he was pre-ONS that he didn't know how bad things were getting til that eye opening night that he didn't come to me when he should have......I argue he credits the ONS for our improvements and his happiness his answer was NO NoT AT ALL that he credits my staying and the effort to communicate that the only thing he can credit the OW was that she opened his eyes that shit was not right and He had his crap fucked up. That he told himself why did I do this I love my wife what the fuck !

Sorry about the cursing he curses a lot ....so do I lol

I guess what I want to know does your WS claim happiness ?

He says he should know if he's happy or not ....because I told him he isn't .

I'm lost what to think is this good or not

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 2:55 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

kiki1 posted 7/2/2013 14:40 PM

hello hurt

Yes my husband says he is happy too.

all i can say to him is "oh, I'm glad your happy"

I feel like pieces of me have died and i will never be as happy as i was.

I'm sorry you find yourself here.

hugs

RightTrack posted 7/2/2013 20:06 PM

My WH is happier than he's ever been. He also sleeps like a baby at night. He says he finally figured out that all his selfishness was making him miserable, that he loves spending time with me and the kids. It's hard to get mad at his happiness when he says that but I would like to see just a little bit of self-disgust or remorse. It's hard to live with Mr. Mary Sunshine all the time when I'm majorly depressed.

RidingHealingRd posted 7/3/2013 00:59 AM

My WH witnessed the complete devastation and the tremendous pain that his actions caused me as well as my children. He has always been accountable for his actions; he understood that his selfishness caused tremendous hurt to others. He absolutely hated himself, so no he was not happy.

About 1 yr post dday he had neuropsychological testing done. The results of that test showed that he was depressed.

Even today, 2.5yr post dday, while discussing the hurt he caused my son during his affair, he cried, dropped his head and uttered, "I am such a POS"

Although our M has improved during the 2+ yrs of R and life is far better, I know that, much like me, my WH lives with deep sadness in his soul. He was the destroyer of lives he should have been caring about and protecting, who could be happy living with that?

PrincessPeach06 posted 7/3/2013 07:52 AM

Oh my I could have written that! Our WS's must be twins!! ((Hugs))

doesitgetbetter posted 7/3/2013 10:14 AM

IMO, if you couple this with the fact that he just took a weekend security job at a club (which is where his ONS found him), the fact that he told you that you have to start to trust him sometime so this is a good time, and that he says he's happy just 2 months after he betrayed not only you, but himself as well, tells me that he doesn't even kind of get it.

Listen, my H was miserable and angry with himself and hated life for about the first 2 years. After that, he wasn't miserable with life anymore, but he was still angry and disappointed in himself. Today, after 5 years, he still gets angry with himself for what he's done, he's still disappointed and ashamed of what he did, but it's much less as he's been truly trying to forgive himself for what he's done. I've forgiven him a long time ago, but he can't yet. IMO, that is a truly remorseful person, someone who gets the devastation that they caused.

At 2 months out, my H would use words like: grateful you are here, hate myself, I'm so sorry, I've destroyed everything, how can you look at me, how could I be so stupid, what have I done to our children, etc. etc. etc. Not a single one of those is a "happy" comment. My H would have never said he was happy.... happy that I stayed maybe, but that doesn't mean a person is happy about everything which your WH sounds like he is saying. He's not close to getting it, and it sounds like he's working on not going into MC or IC by getting you to be his therapist as well.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/3/2013 12:28 PM

And you DIDN'T leave me you gave me another chance how can I not be happy ?

Of course he's happy. His selfish behavior almost lost him everything he had. You chose to reconcile and he gets to keep everything that means something to him - so he's happy.

Your crying and devastation (to him) are just a small price for HIM to pay in order to stay where he wants to be. Of course to YOU, it's hell feeling that way.

I think we tend to forget that cheaters are incredibly selfish people, and they have a tendency to look at the world in terms of what THEY'RE getting out of things and how THEY'RE benifiting from everything that happens in their lives. It's kind of rare to see a cheater do a TRUE about-face and get some empathy for anyone other than themselves.

He's simply feeling fortunate that he got what he wanted when it was all said and done.