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A little light of an epiphany

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fyou143 posted 7/2/2013 14:49 PM

So before DDay2 I started seeing Bridezilla Marriage Bootcamp. The couples that are there are there not so much because of infidelity (maybe like two out of the 5 couples involve it in some form) but they were past bridezillas and so well i like to see drama. N e ways even after Dday2 I continued to see it even WH started to see it with me so this past Friday we were seeing the new episode and at the end of the episode each couple stands up for that weeks/days evaluation. There is this couple Danni and Marlon who have communications issues then to top it off Dani suffered postpartum after their child which added more stress then marlons view on a woman and how she is suppose to be a housekeeper and Dani's lack of it also add a lot to their problems. Anyways this episode the couples were doing an exercise of where they write down on post its what the other spouse does that hurts them or they don't like and put it on their spouse after they talk to them about it without the interruption of their spouse. So Dani had put on a post it that she doesn't like it that at work Marlon gives everyone else "big slim" the happy go lucky fun flirty guy and that she wishes big slim would come home and would appreciate it.

OK so fast forward to evaluation the therapist calls this couple up and tells Marlon that him being big slim and getting the attention of these woman was not right because he will end up having an off day were a touch or word will end up traveling that fine line of infidelity. Then another therapist (it is 4 therapist = 2 couples who head this bootcamp) says this:

"It is like if you are waiting to get home for a meal but you have been snacking along the way so when you get home you aren't hungry. You need to be hungry for each other. Marriage bootcamp definition for infidelity is broader than having sex outside of the marriage. If you are getting any emotional gratification or physical gratification outside of the marriage even if it doesn't involve sex there is a little level of infidelity there. If you are doing something that you can't do in front of your mate it is something you shouldn't be doing."

So while the therapist is saying this I was on the couch and I wanted to point it out to WH and say "see do you hear that!" but I didn't I was just there and I wanted to tear up but no tears would gather in my eyes. My WH was on the other couch and during the commercial he turns to me and he says I'm sorry and I'm playing stupid and I say what and he says I'm sorry for everything I did and I go you heard what they said and he goes yes that is why I moved. He was on the couch laying down and when the therapist was saying this stuff he shifted closer to the pillows away from me like hiding from me more. He goes yea that is why I moved more into the couch and he didn't say it but his action and his body language read that he was ashamed by what was said because it pegged him. So when he said sorry and in not so many words because he was put to shame I started tearing up because he FINALLY got it not all of it because he still goes about like nothing is wrong but for that moment he realized it was wrong and his sorry was/felt genuine.

gahurts posted 7/2/2013 15:57 PM

That's really great fyou143. I hope this is the start of you two working through some of your issues.

nomistakeaboutit posted 7/2/2013 16:48 PM

Very good. That's an important moment. Do you plan to thank him for sharing those feelings with you?

Skan posted 7/2/2013 16:56 PM

I love those moments when they can demonstrate that they actually GET it!

fyou143 posted 7/3/2013 09:28 AM

Yes it is a big little step! @ nomistakeabout it He didn't really pour out his feelings like tell me everything everything it was a simple sorry just more genuine than his other sorry's since I found out on DDay2. Does it mean I am ungrateful and not going to thank him? No I appreciate it but he is really iffy when it comes to this situation so I took whatever I could get. Should I have said thank you right there and then? I guess spur of the moment I didn't I was to emotional to say n e thing back to him I just was crying and trying to compose myself and he knew not to push it n e more by giving more affection which was also appreciated because he knew not to over hug me or over talk that moment weird can't explain it.

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