I did not feel very much understanding and remorse from my wife during this period. ... I really do not want a divorce but I do want to be valued and respected.
I am a betrayed wife, but I feel the same as you. I'd like to try to work things out but there can be no traction, if the wayward spouse has no remorse. I also want to be valued and respected, but how will that happen when there is no remorse to begin reconciliation?
On a practical note, start with yourself. Value and respect yourself first. You are entitled to it.
Have you looked into the 180? Keep contact with her to a minimum while you recuperate. Understand that the 180 is for you to heal, not bring her back.
More in a bit.