Me-30 ,Two boys, 11 and 9
How does one find the right counselor/therapist for their kids?
Even acknowledging this is needed is hard. I've went to counseling for a period of time 3 times in my life. Once, when I ran away from home at 13 I went to family counseling and that meant my parents literally screamed at me while calling me a lying bitch, while the counselor said they were just expressing their feelings. My grandma had to put me in therapy to get me through counseling. And, once we tried marriage counseling, where XH told the guy I was nagging and insane. I explained I nagged because he was cheating, then XH and counselor explained to me that making out with coworkers wasn't really cheating. So, yeah, I've been a little gun shy about this.
But, I think I need to get them someone to talk to. Every time I think my XH can't be more of an asshole, they tell me something new he has done, like threatening to throw their puppy off a cliff, then spanking them for crying. If I tell him they told me ANYTHING, he will punish them more.
Years ago...6 I guess now. My ex threatened to run me over. He was on a motorcycle and I wasn't obeying as he thought I should. My oldest had left the house, where I told him to stay, and he heard this and ran over to protect me. Now, my ex knew I would obey, so, he told me to move or he'd run me over and he revved the engine and spun the tires. I picked up my son and ran into the house. It was never really brought up again.
Fast forward, my XH continues to own motorcycles, and he almost always stops owning them because he wrecks them, or because he has too many tickets. He is always after DS9 to ride with him, and DS will not do it. So, X makes fun of him, calling him names, etc. I've told him to stop it, but he won't.
On vacation last week, my H and I rented little three-wheeled scooters to drive. They seat two. I had DS7 and H had DS9. DS9 was actually the one who asked to rent them, and we were so shocked, we said yes. So, as we drove, H was talking to DS9. Apparently, he loved the scooter. And, he would really like to try to go on one small motorcycle ride, but, not with XH, only with H. H says this is fine, he would love to take him. DS9 gets upset and begins telling H "I can't, I want to, but daddy said if I ever went with you, he'd spank me and ground me and punish me a lot, because I'm not allowed to love you or go with you. But, I can't go with daddy. He always wrecks and he tried to run me over!" H is driving and has no idea what to say, and he says something like "No, Daddy didn't try to run you over. He was wrong, but he was mad at mommy." And, DS9 insists it was HIM. He doesn't even remember I was there.
So, now, of course I feel like shit. I did try to protect him at the time. I filed for divorce the next day. When it was time for the custody hearing, I brought that up, but the judge said I had no proof. so, I think I need to get the boys help, and I think I need a 3rd party to hear all the stuff they tell me.
But, how do I even go about finding this 3rd party? What am I looking for? I don't even know where to begin.
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.