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He said this... and it turned me on

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want_to_forgive posted 7/2/2013 17:04 PM

Things are going well with the guy I have been seeing (ex-best friend of ex-husband, I know, it’s twisted.)

So last night near the end of a two hour phone conversation, out of the blue, he says: “Want_To_Forgive, I think you need someone who is tender with you, but also firm and strong.”

Why did I find this statement sexy as hell? I mean seriously, if he had been with me I think I would have jumped on him. Should I be concerned that I am turned on by such a blatantly anti-feminist statement?

Or is it OK that I do want that, a manly man who respects and treasures me but I can allow to take the lead?

newnormal posted 7/2/2013 17:13 PM

Oh my! I got excited just reading tbose words.

Crescita posted 7/2/2013 17:21 PM

I see nothing blatantly anti feminist about that at all. Independence and equality doesn't mean you want a cold, wishy-washy, pushover for a partner. Tender, yet firm and strong is quite ideal whether you are male or female.

seekingright2013 posted 7/2/2013 17:22 PM

I also want a manly man who is kind, loving, and yet knows his own mind and can make wise decisions.

Maybe this means I need more time in IC !!

want_to_forgive posted 7/2/2013 17:27 PM

LOL you guys, maybe I am totally over analyzing this. It was the "firm" part that I was questioning... but you are right, I don't want someone I can push around. And firm doesn't mean that he will push me around, just that he will, well, be firm. I like firm.

heartbroken_kk posted 7/2/2013 18:59 PM

MMMMMmmmm! FIRM. I like firm too.


Back on the bus for me

ladies_first posted 7/2/2013 19:03 PM

I'm all for sweet words and summer promises, but you know what we say: ACTIONS that match the words.

Sad in AZ posted 7/2/2013 19:08 PM

You lost me at firm; that smacks of control to me, and this reforming control freak would not be interested...

HappilyUnMarried posted 7/2/2013 19:48 PM

I think you need someone who is tender with you, but also firm and strong.

I don't see this as particularly controlling or anti-feminist at all. I think it's pretty sexy... And I think it can work for either sex.

My translation: someone who you can rely upon when the going gets tough to be there for you emotionally and help support and guide you.

I have it now with my SO. I never had it with my XH. When I need him to help me make a decision, he will. When I need him to lay back, he will. I just know I can rely on him if all fails. It's a great feeling.

inconnu posted 7/2/2013 20:22 PM

It's probably just the choice of word, and not the context of what was said, but I'm with SiA. A man telling me I needed a man who would be firm with me? Huge turn-off.

OnceInALifetime posted 7/2/2013 21:58 PM

Tender, firm and strong: very paternal, no?

InnerLight posted 7/2/2013 22:03 PM

Well you can't get it on without being firm. It sounds like he was talking about the act itself. No wonder it was a turn on.

OnceInALifetime posted 7/2/2013 22:09 PM


And, er, what am I doing in this thread, anyway? It's like I walked into the ladies room and started chatting...

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 10:10 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

want_to_forgive posted 7/2/2013 22:42 PM

Onceinalifetime, paternal? That wasn't the feeling I got from the statement. It was a little more like sexy cave man meets modern day sweet heart. This guy has got me thinking about him all the time, but I am trying hard to be smart and cautious.

want_to_forgive posted 7/2/2013 22:55 PM

Sad and inconnu, you picked up on the part that has me second guessing myself. I am woman hear me roar... Lol. I will watch his actions, so far they have been very sweet. He is very complimentary and has done some HUGE favors for me without being asked since we started seeing each other. But, he is 45 and has been single more than in a relationship since he got divorced when he was 24. He says he has just been waiting for someone like me, that I am one in a million for him. That actually scares me that I won't live up to his expectations.

torn2bits posted 7/3/2013 01:09 AM

Want.... Those words are sexy to me. Ya know sometimes when its just "bedroom talk" its very sexy where actions don't need to match words except well....

Anyway, you would know if he. Was being bedroom playful with the roles.

fraeuken posted 7/3/2013 03:27 AM

Don't overthink it and see what his actions are. In my experience, my XH would say similar things but for him it meant being controlling and making sure I always felt a bit insecure about myself. With my SO, it is a whole different experience. He acts like a true man and I don't mind him taking the lead at times.

stronger08 posted 7/3/2013 05:48 AM

As was said don't try and read into it too much. Lets face it here friends. We all need someone who is firm with us when we need them to be. All jokes aside, I cant count the number of times I would be off doing something that was really stupid. And if I had someone to pull back a bit my life would have been better for it. IMHO that's what a real loving relationship is. A SO is the Ying to your Yang. They balance and complete you. When your off your game they pick up the slack and vice versa. And sometimes that requires a firm stance. At others a tender word or touch is all it requires. I don't think its control. I think its his/her responsibility to hold up your end when you cant. That's what a real relationship is to me. But what do I know ? I'm just some dumb guy.

lieshurt posted 7/3/2013 13:54 PM

I think you need someone who is tender with you, but also firm and strong.

Yes, please

The last thing I want is a man who is a pushover. I want a man who can stand his own with equal.

Sad in AZ posted 7/3/2013 15:23 PM


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