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Need help with NC message(s)!

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cosmicjoke posted 7/2/2013 17:10 PM

I urgently need to deal with some NC letters/emails/texts whatever. They are LONG overdue but I want to get it right. The whole situation is making me sick. A couple of parasites have come poking around and we need these doors CLOSED. Permanently!!
I know everyone says 'short and to the point'.. but god I want to say SO much more. Does anyone have examples of anything besides the 'one liner' ones.. (although those are certainly valid & effective in the right situations).. or any other advice..?? I'm just having a *really* hard time actually DOING IT. And I don't know WHY. Why do I keep procrastinating...? and I say 'I'.. because.. obviously, my H needs to write them- but I am really the one making him DO IT.. because he's embarrassed about, it or whatever.. he just wants to ignore the problem(s) and hope it/they will just 'go away'. But the problem is... THEY NEVER REALLY DO. Also I want to write the messages with him.. approve them and be cc'd, so I can be part of the whole conversation. The parasites need to see that CLEARLY... they need to know there are no more 'secret communications' that do not include me. They never seem to take a hint to get lost.. (why are these scumbags ALWAYS so predictable..??) so more aggressive measures are needed.

BUT- here's the issue.. I also don't want him re-establishing contact at all...!! I am seriously dreading it... That alone seems like a bad thing. Because sometimes ignoring someone is the most powerful statement you can make. Then again, if it meant that he would pop their fantasy bubble once and for all by saying 'Im not interested, get lost, GOODBYE'- then it could be worth it. So I'm feeling really conflicted about it all.

So if I really wanted this done and done YESTERDAY-- (These really should have been written ages ago)-- then WHY is it so hard...???
And in the meantime the parasites are popping up again and again trying to continue secret 'friendships' and get his attention.. just causing more stress and anxiety for me (and both of us).

Anyone else going through this.. and what exactly IS my problem...???

karmahappens posted 7/2/2013 18:25 PM

Sorry, I don't know what to write.

But I wonder, is there something in the back of your mind that wants the door open a bit? Are you waiting for something to come from the apology or something? Or are you afraid an NC letter from your WS would encourage the A to start again?

AFrayedKnot posted 7/2/2013 20:15 PM

I think it is something that your WS has to want to do. My fWS wrote them 10 months after Dday. I had a couple suggestions but she wrote them. Her words meant more to me than if she had just signed off on my words. I can't remember exactly but it went something like this:

This will be the last time I contact you. What happened between us was wrong. I will regret it for the rest of my life. I love (Chicho) and my family and we are working hard to rebuild our relationship.. Any attempt from you to contact me or (Chicho) again will be taken as a threat and treated accordingly.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 7/2/2013 20:53 PM

just my opinion...but the more you say, the more they have to use against you later. Along the same lines...the more you say, the more they want to contact defend themselves against your accusations/statements, to justify, to explain....whatever. short and to the point is best.

pretty much what Chicho said!

be CC'd on everything, draft it together, and send it together. I totally understand your anxiety about contact...i'd be a wreck too. While i agree that NC is always best...if they are continuing to harass you, a letter must be sent.

[This message edited by SorrowBhindSmile at 8:56 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

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