So, we were at the beach on Saturday as a family, and the late afternoon outing for ice cream was MY suggestion. We grab the kids, grab some friends, and while we're in line, FWH turns to me and says, should you and I just share an ice cream? We don't really need to eat whole ones, do we?
My mind raced because on the one hand I *did* want my own ice cream! I'm not overweight, I'm an adult, and if I want to eat ice cream before dinner instead of after it, why the hell not?? On the other hand, "need" is the word that threw me. Did I *need* my own ice cream? Of course not. Does anyone "need" ice cream at 4pm on a Saturday? No. We might WANT it, but do we **NEED** it?
Ack! So, I'm hesitating trying to figure out how to say I want my own without sounding like a petulant child in front of our kids and friends, and all I can come up with is the oh-so-famous, semi-pouty, wifely No, I guess we can share if that's what you want. That's fine.
Now, you would think after nearly 20 years together, FWH would know immediately that it wasn't "fine." But he doesn't. He's now prepared to buy three ice-creams instead of 4, and asks the kids what kind they want. Well they BOTH choose my favorite flavor, but with add-ins that I hate. Ick. FWH knows they have chosen my favorite flavor, turns to me and asks if we can get HIS favorite flavor... "because it would be lame to order 3 of the same flavor."
I managed another, "fine, order whatever you want," and he does... oblivious to my mounting irritation. I have a lick of his (meh), a lick of kid #2's ice cream (gummy bears in ice cream, really?) and kid #1 has a sick sinus infection, so I opted not to taste his concoction. And that was it. I spent the rest of the afternoon silently fuming (over stupid ICE CREAM). Why??
Not because I didn't get my favorite flavor... but because I suddenly found myself wondering if OW was asking for ice cream, would he suggest sharing HIS favorite flavor?? No. I know what he's like when he's "dating" someone, and now I'm wondering when I stopped being the girlfriend!!? Is it the kid-thing? Am I forever going to now just be the mother of his children? I think being their mother is pretty great, but I feel like I can separate mother and wife in my own head, and I'm NOT the one who's good at compartmentalizing. He can keep a mistress on the side for 3 years, but can't bother to know when to see me as girlfriend vs wife?
Is it even possible for a wife to regain "girlfriend" status? Am I even articulating this well enough to make sense?