Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: wonkeddev

Divorce/Separation :
help me respond to npd/sociopath xwh

This Topic is Archived
default

 sparkysable (original poster member #3703) posted at 12:30 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

overnights and vacations are not in our final agreement. he is most likely a sociopath, if not a narcissist. I'm about to face the narcissist/sociopath rage, because he just asked me if he could take DD for a week. Um, hell no, but how do I answer this? Anyone have experience with the narc/socio rage when they don't get their way?

D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

posts: 5718   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2004   ·   location: NY
id 6395379
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 1:26 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

Tell him no, overnights/vacations are not specified. Sorry Charlie. You'll need mediation or something to figure out details before you allow her go away.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6395434
default

peridot ( member #18334) posted at 1:40 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

Dear asshole,

Overnights and vacations are not apart of the visitation schedule in the decree.

What does your final agreement say about visitation?

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

posts: 4941   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2008
id 6395446
default

Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 1:52 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

Do you have full custody of your DD?

Is he nearby?

Is he wanted to take DD on vacation? Will someone else, (that you trust with DD) be there?

If he asks with no specifics regarding where they are going, who with, etc.. NO way.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

posts: 6708   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Florida
id 6395458
default

tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 2:04 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

For a week? Oh, maybe he thinks that will make up for all the time he doesn't spend with her.

I would refer him to the legal language of your agreement and leave it at that. If he rages, contact your L.

(((sparkysable)))

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

posts: 4079   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2011
id 6395475
default

m334455 ( member #26893) posted at 4:13 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

I think you asked a second question: how to deal with the rage. How have you dealt with it in the past?

First, expect the batshit crazy rage. Then there is no element of surprise. Second, say no in writing and keep a copy of it and whatever his response is. Third, be very neutral and say "you agreed to X. A week is not in our agreement and I don't think it is in daughter's best interest."

Then, while listening to rage part 2 label everything he's saying/doing in your head blame, bully, curse, whine, complain, deflect, etc. and when he finally winds down say "I'm sorry you feel that way. If you want more visitation you're welcome to have your lawyer contact my lawyer to try to work something out." Then make him go bye-bye.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

posts: 4034   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2009
id 6395643
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy