I am the BS. My WH had a self-confessed EA (as far as I know) that has ended not of his choosing (as far as I know). From Summer 2011 - Summer 2012.
I was unhappy before the EA started. I was more unhappy while it was going on and I didn't know it. I was almost relieved when he told me about it, I forgave, prepared to move on, wanted to work on "us". He did not. He spent this past year missing her unbeknownst to me.
We have spent the last year exploring R. But that doesn't quite read right. It is false R now I see from SI.
I faced the truth a month ago. I have since begun IC. I am slowly pulling out of my hysteria and depression. I have plans, I am happy with me, I am detaching from him.
He has no clue. I'm sure he wouldn't care.
One thing I talked about in IC is the fact that he is so very stuck. I feel like someone, which should be me seeing as how we've been "us" for nearly 20 years, should get him some help, get him unstuck.
I didn't know it but I've been 180'ing him for a while (never knew there was a name). 180 doesn't unstuck him.
I want him to get over this woman, get a job, find something to do with his life that makes him happy, and to work on being a better father.
I can't say these things to him, I did, a year ago. In one ear and out the other. Family have told him, in one ear and out the other. He lacks male friends. I have repeatedly mentioned IC.
I can't fix him. I don't care to be the one to unstuck him. I just want him to get unstuck so I don't have to worry when its his turn with our son.
Are there any resources, men's groups, something??? that I can steer him toward that won't offend him - IC is viewed as weak; reading is viewed as unproductive, sissy stuff; he is very social.
I do not want to bring him to SI. I don't think he really needs to "survive infidelity". I think he needs a life-reset or at the very least to get over a broken heart.d
Are there any manly kind of groups for such? OR are such support systems the domain of women?
This is my last ditch effort at being helpful. I've realized I am always trying to control everything and fix everyone's problems and make everyone happy. I have learned that I can only do that for me. I am still having a hard time accepting that I can't do that for my son. I am not going to let WH being stuck derail me now. But I would like to give him some outlet, some resource. All I can think of is IC which he ridicules.