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renee21 posted 7/2/2013 18:52 PM

So I guess I belong here now. I put him out on Thursday night. We had been going at it for about 6 weeks now. He is SA. He broke a serious boundary issue awhile ago and lied about it. I have no evidence of anything inappropriate but he was lying about texting one of the moms of a kid he coaches. I asked him to limit contact and he hid it and lied. Its the fact that he hid things and lied about it, lead me to believe I was crazy. Things escalated from there. He has put me through hell for the last 6 weeks. He was pushing the issue about taking off and going hunting with the boys, with a friend in which I don't particularly trust. I was still too emotional and too raw for him to take off. Needless to say we had a huge blow up about the trip, things were said and I kicked him out.

He is at his mom's right now. Financially speaking,we cannot afford two places. I am in no place to move from here yet until he pays some things off. So we are still paying all the bills together while he stays there.

I never wanted this but he has pushed me and pushed me some more and I snapped. Now HE doesn't know if he is ready to come home because he is dealing with HIS anger at me.

I called him out on his bullshit regarding lying and talking to someone he shouldnt and he is mad at me because I don't trust him right now.

If you read my signature line....there is an OC. We are no contact because of the mother. I told him recently I was done lying for him and I sat my older two down and told them about their sister. I told him I was going to do this and he said nothing. Well now he is angry at me for that too. We live in the same community as the OC and OW. I see them in public quite often, I was tired of covering for him and I felt our children had a right to know. My older two are almost 18 ad 16. Both of them were already aware that their father has cheated on me.

So he is angry at me for calling him out and now he is angry at me for sharing this information with our older two. The thing that I find so damn unbelievable is all the shit I have forgiven him for and HE doesn't know if he wants to come home.

Yes, it has to suck to be him because the kids are pissed. What the hell did he's sucks when you find out dad has a kid that he has been hiding and he cheated on your mom for almost 2 years.

I am heartbroken because all though it doesn't seem it, he was doing really well with recovery for almost 3 years and I thought we were going to make it. He was the man I knew he could be. Things started to backslide little by little and here we are.

My PTSD symptoms are back. Of course I am just overreacting according to him. So I am on the ADs again and got the additional gift of high blood pressure which I have never had an issue with before.

We have never been seperated for this long and it's so hard. My little one is heartbroken. He just wants us back together. He asks me before he goes to bed everynight and as soon as he wakes up...

I'm not ready to file but I am tired. I can't be around him, it just causes me to melt down. I am hurting too much. He doesn't want a D but doesn't know when he wants to come home. To me its torture....I still can't wrap my head around him pulling this shit with all of the things I forgave him....who does this shit?

Sorry so long....I'm hurting and dont really have anyone to talk to IRL except my IC.

tryingagain74 posted 7/2/2013 20:05 PM

Just wanted to let you know that you've been heard.


freshstart78 posted 7/2/2013 20:13 PM

You are doing the right thing. This hurts and is hard but he is being dishonest. You need to listen to your gut.....and its telling u he is not being honest. Use this time apart to gather your strength...180 him. Sending hugs to you

bbee posted 7/3/2013 10:50 AM

I'm sorry you're hurting, renee. You WILL get through this. (((renee)))

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