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Grace and Flowers posted 7/2/2013 23:26 PM

My son has been "living" with cancer for a long time.

An old friend died a few months ago, six months after her colon cancer diagnosis.

Now, my closest friend....the one I go to laugh with, cry with, watch movies with, get silly with....I was with her today at her biopsy where it was confirmed she has pancreatic cancer.


She's been in pain for six months and is already down to about 100 lbs. I doubt she'll see her birthday in November.

I don't know what I'll do without her. I can't stand the thought of her going through so much pain. She's terrified.

She's also my next door as long as I live here, I'll see the flowers we planted together, her screened porch where we spent so many hours....but soon there will be strangers there.

I'm seriously freaking. So tired of illness, death and pain.

Went to my dance studio to escape. They offered me sangria. Sangria! I love sangria, haven't had it in years! I can't drink due to meds I'm on. But a drink would have been nice tonight.

No question here...just venting a bit. Thanks for listening.

MovingUpward posted 7/2/2013 23:28 PM

((((SadMad, son and bff))))

jo2love posted 7/2/2013 23:30 PM


stilllovinghim posted 7/2/2013 23:31 PM

(((SM family & friends)))

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Fuck cancer.

I know that doesn't relieve the suffering and pain but fuck cancer. Fuck cancer in it's face.

caregiver9000 posted 7/3/2013 01:44 AM


You are grieving. There is such a grace and gentle strength in your words... I have tears from your post.

Peace to you.

LosferWords posted 7/3/2013 02:11 AM


So sorry for what you and your loved ones are going through. Cancer is such an evil and cruel disease.

authenticnow posted 7/3/2013 06:37 AM

I'm so sorry.

Sending lots of hugs your way.

tushnurse posted 7/3/2013 10:19 AM


Cancer is an Asshole, and Pancreatic is the chief of the Assholes. I am wishing you strength to get through this.

Focus on making quality memories with her from this point forward.
If she chooses, or is unable to aggressively treat this monster, then may I suggest you look into hospice for her. This doesn't mean all care stops, but it does change the focus from "Get Well" to "Make the best of the time you have left".

I have seen too many times to count people waiting until far too late to benefit from it. The other great thing is they not only provide support to her, but to her family and loved ones.

(((and strength to you both))))

Grace and Flowers posted 7/3/2013 10:22 AM

Sending thanks to you all for your hugs and kind words.

I have on my "Li'l" face today.

30 years ago I worked with a wonderful woman who much older, and very protective of me. She could always tell in the mornings if I had been crying the night before....puffy face, and eyes. She'd nail it every time.

To her, I was "Li'l One"...that's what she called me. So today, with my eyes swollen up from crying, i am back to being Li'l.

Thanks again, to each of you.

nowiknow23 posted 7/3/2013 10:22 AM

I fucking hate cancer, too. Keeping you all in my thoughts.
((((sadmad, son, and friend))))

Grace and Flowers posted 7/3/2013 10:27 AM

Oh, and TN, that's a great idea. The tumor cannot be surgically is apparently between two arteries. She has not decided yet whether to do chemotherapy. As you know, it doesn't much matter if she does.

Right now she'd mainly terrified. When it sinks in a little more, I'll talk to her and her kids about hospice. I know how wonderful hospice can be...we called on them when my dad was dying.

Thanks sgain.

Mama_of_3_Kids posted 7/3/2013 10:32 AM

(((Sad))) (((son))) (((friend)))

tushnurse posted 7/3/2013 12:42 PM

IF she doesn't want to do Hospice there is another option that can be the best of both worlds....Palliative Medicine. She gets Hospice benefits, but still can do chemo if she chooses to, but everyone is aware it's about quality.


jrc1963 posted 7/3/2013 14:05 PM


I hate cancer too... Sending you strength and hugs.

Faithful w/Love posted 7/3/2013 14:41 PM


I hate cancer also!!!!
I have lost 4 people now within a year. Out of those 4, 3 in a row. Now 2 more, one is in remission and the other only has maybe a few months.

My heart breaks for you and for your friend. I know how scary it is. I'm tearing up now but know that you, your son, and friend are in my thoughts and prayers!

Stay as strong as you can but know it is okay not to be also.

Much love to you Lil one!

Kajem posted 7/3/2013 14:43 PM

((((SadMad))))) ((((son)))) (((((friend))))

Grace and Flowers posted 7/3/2013 22:00 PM

Just want to say thank you again to everyone for all the hugs and support.

My friend said the saddest thing today....she was wondering what she "did wrong" that made her get the wrong way, not exercise enough? Can you imagine? I was so surprised that she would think this way.

I reassured her that she did nothing wrong. That life's just a bitch, and fairness doesn't enter the equation.

Anyways...thank you again...and peace and blessings to you all for your support.

I love SI.

tryingagain74 posted 7/3/2013 22:11 PM

(((SadMad, son, and friend)))

ninebark posted 7/4/2013 06:42 AM

I so hear you. I lost my dad to cancer last June, and not long after my uncle. It has been horrible watching two people I love die like that.

You have my sympathy I know how hard this is. What I can't imagine is having a child with cancer. My thoughts are so with you.

cinamon posted 7/4/2013 06:47 AM

My heart to you. What pain and loss. I am glad you have a dance studio to go to. Cinamon

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