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Grace and Flowers (original poster member #34431) posted at 5:26 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
My son has been "living" with cancer for a long time.
An old friend died a few months ago, six months after her colon cancer diagnosis.
Now, my closest friend....the one I go to laugh with, cry with, watch movies with, get silly with....I was with her today at her biopsy where it was confirmed she has pancreatic cancer.
Pancreatic.
She's been in pain for six months and is already down to about 100 lbs. I doubt she'll see her birthday in November.
I don't know what I'll do without her. I can't stand the thought of her going through so much pain. She's terrified.
She's also my next door neighbor...so as long as I live here, I'll see the flowers we planted together, her screened porch where we spent so many hours....but soon there will be strangers there.
I'm seriously freaking. So tired of illness, death and pain.
Went to my dance studio to escape. They offered me sangria. Sangria! I love sangria, haven't had it in years! I can't drink due to meds I'm on. But a drink would have been nice tonight.
No question here...just venting a bit. Thanks for listening.
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 5:28 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
((((SadMad, son and bff))))
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 5:30 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((Sad)))
(((son)))
(((friend)))
stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 5:31 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((SM family & friends)))
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Fuck cancer.
I know that doesn't relieve the suffering and pain but fuck cancer. Fuck cancer in it's face. 
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 7:44 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((SadMad)))
You are grieving. There is such a grace and gentle strength in your words... I have tears from your post.
Peace to you.
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 8:11 AM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((SadMad2012)))
So sorry for what you and your loved ones are going through. Cancer is such an evil and cruel disease.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:37 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
I'm so sorry.
Sending lots of hugs your way.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:19 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((SadMad))))
Cancer is an Asshole, and Pancreatic is the chief of the Assholes. I am wishing you strength to get through this.
Focus on making quality memories with her from this point forward.
If she chooses, or is unable to aggressively treat this monster, then may I suggest you look into hospice for her. This doesn't mean all care stops, but it does change the focus from "Get Well" to "Make the best of the time you have left".
I have seen too many times to count people waiting until far too late to benefit from it. The other great thing is they not only provide support to her, but to her family and loved ones.
(((and strength to you both))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Grace and Flowers (original poster member #34431) posted at 4:22 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
Sending thanks to you all for your hugs and kind words.
I have on my "Li'l" face today.
30 years ago I worked with a wonderful woman who much older, and very protective of me. She could always tell in the mornings if I had been crying the night before....puffy face, and eyes. She'd nail it every time.
To her, I was "Li'l One"...that's what she called me. So today, with my eyes swollen up from crying, i am back to being Li'l.
Thanks again, to each of you.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:22 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
I fucking hate cancer, too. Keeping you all in my thoughts.
((((sadmad, son, and friend))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Grace and Flowers (original poster member #34431) posted at 4:27 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
Oh, and TN, that's a great idea. The tumor cannot be surgically removed...it is apparently between two arteries. She has not decided yet whether to do chemotherapy. As you know, it doesn't much matter if she does.
Right now she'd mainly terrified. When it sinks in a little more, I'll talk to her and her kids about hospice. I know how wonderful hospice can be...we called on them when my dad was dying.
Thanks sgain.
Mama_of_3_Kids ( member #26651) posted at 4:32 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((Sad))) (((son))) (((friend)))
Me: BW/33 The kidlets: DS16, DS12, and DD10 The hounds: Three Shih Tzu's The felines: Two short haired kitteh's
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:42 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
IF she doesn't want to do Hospice there is another option that can be the best of both worlds....Palliative Medicine. She gets Hospice benefits, but still can do chemo if she chooses to, but everyone is aware it's about quality.
(((again)))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 8:05 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
(((SadMad))
I hate cancer too... Sending you strength and hugs.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
Faithful w/Love ( member #33128) posted at 8:41 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
((((((HUGS)))))
I hate cancer also!!!!
I have lost 4 people now within a year. Out of those 4, 3 in a row. Now 2 more, one is in remission and the other only has maybe a few months.
My heart breaks for you and for your friend. I know how scary it is. I'm tearing up now but know that you, your son, and friend are in my thoughts and prayers!
Stay as strong as you can but know it is okay not to be also.
Much love to you Lil one!
BS(ME)41 WH(HIM)38
DD 21 and DS 16
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 8:43 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013
((((SadMad))))) ((((son)))) (((((friend))))
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Grace and Flowers (original poster member #34431) posted at 4:00 AM on Thursday, July 4th, 2013
Just want to say thank you again to everyone for all the hugs and support.
My friend said the saddest thing today....she was wondering what she "did wrong" that made her get cancer...eat the wrong way, not exercise enough? Can you imagine? I was so surprised that she would think this way.
I reassured her that she did nothing wrong. That life's just a bitch, and fairness doesn't enter the equation.
Anyways...thank you again...and peace and blessings to you all for your support.
I love SI.
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 4:11 AM on Thursday, July 4th, 2013
(((SadMad, son, and friend)))
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
ninebark ( member #24534) posted at 12:42 PM on Thursday, July 4th, 2013
I so hear you. I lost my dad to cancer last June, and not long after my uncle. It has been horrible watching two people I love die like that.
You have my sympathy I know how hard this is. What I can't imagine is having a child with cancer. My thoughts are so with you.
BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.
cinamon ( new member #37380) posted at 12:47 PM on Thursday, July 4th, 2013
My heart to you. What pain and loss. I am glad you have a dance studio to go to. Cinamon
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