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Newest Member: Itali614 (61544)

User Topic: Is this appropriate thinking?
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some have been giving me a hard time because I said I was married to my bestfriend and besides him deciding to end our marriage out of the blue (no problems and no MC )we were inseparable. I am more upset and disappointed by his character and choices than the actual divorce if that makes sense. Is it acceptable to say this? I do and people assume I haven't fully moved on. Not only that but the idea that I am not angry or bitter is also wrong.

I guess my attitude is that I spent close to twenty years with this person and I figure he was the love of my life. I also know I have the ability to meet someone and see where things lead. Who knows I might be in for a far greater love.

People who are not close to me think I don't get it and have gone as far to say I shouldn't be around men. I have gone out and been asked for my number but I wonder if they are right. My old friends think I should be open to all possibilities and enjoy a second chance at life.

Just wasn't sure if I was the only one out there who felt this way.

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This wasn't my experience at all. I was hurt and pissed and hurt and pissed and made sure EVERYONE knew it. I talked about it (in appropriate ways with appropriate amounts of information depending upon to whom I was speaking) with every person I came in contact with. Store clerks, friends, family, my hairdresser, colleagues. Of course with colleagues I had an ulterior motive b/c since xpiece of shit works for the same agency I do, I wanted to make sure people knew he was a dirtbag. But on the whole, sharing my feelings helped me process them.

But of course your viewpoint is acceptable too. It sounds a little like you don't have an issue with the D itself (b/c if he's going to be an asshat then D is an acceptable route for you) but more your feelings of disappointment lie in that he turned out not to be the good person you spent years thinking he was.

Perhaps people are reacting to the lack of display of strong emotions on your part about anything? Your post here does feel rather sanguine & well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Perhaps if your IRL friends never saw you really upset then they are assuming that you weren't/aren't and that would seem a bit odd. But then, if they aren't close enough to you for you to comfortably share how you really feel with them, who the f*ck cares what they think? As long as you feel you dealt with the bad feelings and now feel optimistic and happy to keep moving forward, that surely is all that counts.

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't go into details; I just say that I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend and leave it at that. Some laugh, some give me the fish eye, but I don't care.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itís fantastic that you arenít bitter! Maybe people are just confused because it isnít clear that he WAS your best friend. Itís fine that he used to be, mine was too, but itís next to impossible to move on if you canít find some suitable replacements. If they donít know you well I wouldnít sweat it.

ďHappiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.Ē ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 4

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