SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

torn2bits posted 7/3/2013 01:20 AM

Do you think its bad for a potential relationship partner to text only and all the time?

I prefer phone conversation or in person meeting over text. I understand from one of my nieces who is 30 that a large part of relationships for her today is texting. I hate texting when its not just something like " be there in 5 minutes".

I have found that some men are just all about texting and don't even call anymore.

What is your experience? I hate texting when it comes to a relationship.

Is it cause their lazy? Or have lots of women so they choose to text?

PanicAttack53 posted 7/3/2013 02:12 AM

torn2bits, This is just my 2 cents but I'd be very leery of anyone who *only* wants to text. There are good reasons to use text like communicating while at work, in a meeting etc... Those are times where a phone call is not viable for obvious reasons.

My concern is your statement that said "to text only and all the time". It would raise a huge red flag for me if the only way I could communicate with a potential partner was by text.

What do you know about this gentleman? Have you met him IRL yet? Have you talked to him by phone? To *only* text is not normal. You need to be very careful here IMO.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 2:13 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

foreverempty posted 7/3/2013 02:28 AM

I've seen a few women where I've only texted.

My reasoning was I was shit scared at the time of talking to them as I didn't know what to say, worried about awkward pauses, but was comfortable texting as I could make sure I wasn't making an arse of myself.

That was just my experience.

It was purely a confidence thing

cayc posted 7/3/2013 06:31 AM

My SO and I text all day long, we keep a running conversation going and then we talk each night. And I'm definitely not in my 30s lol. When I'm at work, I can't be on the phone talking to him, and in fact, where I work I can't get data on my phone nor good cell reception but texts always go through.

And when we were first getting to know one another it was mostly email and text with an occasional phone call until we'd had our first date, and then we moved to the manner we communicate now.

I really like texting. It makes me feel connected all day long and then the conversation at night is nice too, to discuss things and hear his voice.

I've even finally gotten my 75 year old mother on a smartphone and texting and she and I text a lot too (which is great since we live in different countries). Same with my girlfriends who live all over the world.

I think refusing to use texting as a way to talk with someone is unnecessarily limiting yourself and keeping yourself a bit walled off. But at the same time, your comfort level is your comfort level. Still though, I think this is one of those things worth relaxing on and trying out. If you have issues with some "guy/girl" who will only text, then I'd say that you have issues with them overall vis a vis communication and availability and what you're uncomfortable with isn't the texting per se.

jennie160 posted 7/3/2013 09:21 AM

I think it really depends on the person. I'm 28 and I very rarely text. In fact, the last time I text SO was almost 2 weeks ago when I sent him a picture of a meal I was telling him I was going to try to make. For me, it's much easier to just pick up the phone and call him if there is something to tell him.

My concern is your statement that said "to text only and all the time". It would raise a huge red flag for me if the only way I could communicate with a potential partner was by text.

I have to agree with PanicAttack on this. If someone was only texting me (especially after getting to know them to the point of being comfortable in face to face conversation) and didn't pick up the phone to call every once and awhile I would see this as a red flag. I would wonder what was preventing them from being able to call.

Amazonia posted 7/3/2013 09:31 AM

I text a lot. I used to text a LOT. What I like about texting is that you can do it while you're doing something else. Shopping at target? Text! Waiting in line? Text! Bored at work? Text! ( )

What I don't like about texting is that you are rarely giving the other person your undivided attention. My SO and I text throughout the day, but with the understanding that either of us may at any time just drop out of the conversation without explanation. We don't get upset, because it's just texting. And we both know that we're both doing other things.

I wouldn't want this to be the exclusive mode of communication for a relationship. If you can't get together in person to hang out, a phone call at least gives you their undivided attention.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 9:31 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

Oh the Irony posted 7/3/2013 10:19 AM

There is an article on baggage reclaim about essentially being managed by text. I think she calls it lazy communication.

The guy I'm dating, we text more than talk on the phone. I'm okay with that because I'm not a huge phone fan and he is a GREAT texter. Fun and funny. AND I get to see him 2-3 times a week.

I have no desire to text constantly with someone who is merely a potential relationship.

You get to set your own standards!

torn2bits posted 7/3/2013 10:43 AM

It seems as though some people (from comments here) can hide behind text if they are shy.

I am speaking about a recent meeting with someone. I went on a date, but then it was like all there was between us was texting and no real in person meetings. We talked on the phone only when I called.

A previous short relationship, the guy called me before work, texted during the day, called at lunch and at nite. This was besides seeing each other 2 -3 times per week.

I guess I can't expect every person to be like that guy. It was nice. We could talk on the phone for hours. Text was just an addition.

Also, yes, when at work depending on what you do, texting is the only way to communicate. I just enjoy waiting until lunch and talking then, with only a few texts in between. No way can I text during meetings at work as I am usually the presentor. Gosh my boss would have a fit!

I just think it may be a sign that they aren't interested if they just text and rarely want to meet in person?

Do you think if they are no longer interested, but can't seem to put their big boy pants on and tell you, that texting is their way of stringing you along? I just want to watch for this in the future.

If he meets me and then only texts a lot with infrequent phone calls then I believe he is disinterested. No way to tell if they are shy.

Crescita posted 7/3/2013 11:30 AM

I like texting as long as it's light and fun, or to the point. My basic rule is, do you want a written record? It's great for silly banter, to set a date, make a shopping list, or remind someone about an event, not so great for serious conversations or disagreements.

If you find it's not working for you, perhaps the conversations by text are too serious, or the serious conversations are just lacking in general?

StrongerOne posted 7/3/2013 11:36 AM

You can tell if he is shy.

In person, tell him that you really like talking on the phone rather than texting because __________. Ask him if that is ok, could you compromise and he will call you X times, and you'll text w him Y times.

If he says no, ask why.

JMHO, from a very introverted person who HATES talking on the phone! but loves texting even more than my teen does.

Housefulloflove posted 7/3/2013 12:14 PM

I like a mixture. I don't mind texting if there are regular phone calls thrown in there too. It seems like guys nowadays just want to send a "good morning beautiful" text (or some variation of that), text during the day and never call. Ummm..F* that and F* you! Delete my number. :lol:

If I'm texting someone and rarely hear their voice or see their face, it wouldn't be anything close to a relationship in my mind. If it's someone I see in person VERY frequently and most contact that isn't face-to-face is done via text...maybe that could work.

Williesmom posted 7/3/2013 12:19 PM

I prefer texting.

I have trouble hearing when I'm on the phone, so it works for me.

I think that it kind of allows a conversation to flow at my leisure. And you don't have any awkward silences like you would on a phone.

thyme2go posted 7/3/2013 12:41 PM

An internet discussion forum (SI) is a form of texting. Texting is a new form of communication. Embrace it or get left in the dust.

-t2g

lostmommy posted 7/3/2013 12:54 PM

My guy and I text throughout the day and sometimes talk at night, depending on what's going on. We've been seeing each other twice a week as well, though. I don't really have a problem with limited phone conversations - I tend to not be able to hear very well on the phone and I hate talking on the phone to begin with.

If my relationship was exclusively texting with no phone conversation and hardly ever seeing someone, that would probably be an issue for me.

torn2bits posted 7/3/2013 13:46 PM

I certainly do my share of texting. I am more concerned with the signal that texting frequency gives in terms of where the relationship stands.

I have teenagers and text a great deal with them however, I think if you are trying to get to know someone; texting should be left out of the picture.

I am no longer communicating with this person, but did let him know that I prefer phone conversation over texting to get to know him. He said oh.

As some of you stated, you prefer text over phone. I guess I need to find someone who likes phone over text!

PanicAttack53 posted 7/3/2013 16:04 PM

I guess I need to find someone who likes phone over text!

And ^^^^^THIS^^^^^ is what is *really* important. Text, phone, meeting face to face.... it's all different for each person as we are all unique. So I'm glad you told him what you wanted and it seems you got he answer back from him that allowed you to make an informed decision for *you*.

Good luck in finding the *right* person for you. I'm an eternal optimist so I do believe there *is* the perfect someone out there for each of us. We just have to keep looking until we find them.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 4:07 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

Hope4TheFuture posted 7/4/2013 06:58 AM

Texting after a relationship is established is fine.

Massive amounts of texting *before* a relationship is established - especially before a first meeting - creates (in my experience) a false sense of intimacy and the end results (again, in my experience) have not been good.

Hope4

hoya96 posted 7/4/2013 09:17 AM

JMHO, from a very introverted person who HATES talking on the phone! but loves texting even more than my teen does.

Same here. I hate speaking on the phone (didn't do it even as a teenager) and primarily communicate with all my friends and family via text.

With that said, when I began my relationship with my SO, we were at odds with communication preferences (as it sounds like you are). I only wanted to text, not because I was hiding anything, seeing other people, or "managing" our communication - I just hate talking on the phone! He had never before used text other than the "be there in 5 min" type of thing (he didn't even have unlimited text when we began dating - gasp!).

We had an open dialogue about it, and compromised. We texted often during the day, but at night once I got the kids in bed, I called him on the phone. I'll be honest - those nightly phone calls were hard for me, but it meant a lot to him, and he reciprocated by getting unlimited text and texting me often!

We're now married, so clearly we worked it out!

persevere posted 7/4/2013 21:28 PM

About a year ago I dated a guy for a few months that was a nice enough guy but only texted. We talked about it but it never got better. I eventually lost interest, and the texting was part of it.

wildbananas posted 7/4/2013 22:23 PM

Different people communicate different ways. I'm way better with the written word than speaking and between work and my personal life, I text a lot.

That being said, I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship where it was our biggest form of communication. So much can be lost in the translation or misinterpreted via text.

It's all about what works for the couple.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 10:24 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]