Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Feeling frustrated...

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

MylarPineapples posted 7/3/2013 01:36 AM

Life has been going smoothly for the past week or so. WH has continued to be very remorseful. He has had 2 IC sessions now. The counselor thinks his behavior is part of addiction-related behaviors. (WH has been sober for 20 years, but counselor thinks he has shifted those addictive tendencies to other areas of his life.) Counselor had WH go to his doctor to start an antidepressant. (Not sure why, as depression has never been an issue for WH.) Other than that, they seem to spend a lot of time discussing WH's sleep patterns.

Earlier this week WH did try to start a sexting-type conversation with me while he was at work. This is a type of conversation we would have occasionally in the past, but this time I told him that just the thought of it pissed me off since I knew he was doing that with someone else just a few weeks ago - he apologized. I guess he told the counselor about that, and the counselor told him that it might be best for him to just refrain from that type of texting altogether, even with me.

WH and I started running together last week, and that has felt good. I installed a spy app on his phone a couple weeks ago; haven't found anything bad so far. He did mention the other day that his phone has been acting funny, so I'm worried now that the app I installed is screwing up his phone. I also feel really dishonest spying on him like that.

Overall, on the surface life seems to be going along as normal. Inside I feel sad, but I feel like I've said all I have to say about it to WH already, so what else is there to say? He tries to be attentive, and he asks me if I want to talk about it. But I feel like anything I say would just be repeating myself, and it would accomplish nothing more than making him feel like crap. It's just so odd that it seems like nothing has changed, when the way I feel about everything has changed so much.

1Faith posted 7/3/2013 11:27 AM

Dearest Mylar

You are still very new to all this information. You will vacillate with your feelings for some time.

I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to talk about it. It gets to be a broken record because nothing is solved. We will never understand the HOW and the WHY. Never.

Yes, your world has been turned upside down. North is South and East is West. It takes awhile to find your footing again.

Please realize that all of this is normal. You are still in shock and hurt. Give yourself some time and feel everything you need to feel. Good, bad and otherwise. There is nothing your husband can do to speed up your healing. But he can assist by being there, being patient and loving you through the tough days.

General Timeline of Recovery

Good timeline I found on another site...Hope this helps..

Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?

A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm.

Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.

D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself.

The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.

One day at a time...keep moving....

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.