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Trouble in paradise

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burnt_toast posted 7/3/2013 06:45 AM

Hello old-timers and everyone who healed since then,

I'm going through a shitty moment.

We've been having so much issues since So and I have bought a condo together. The constant fights with the neighbors and the way we handled them together made me realize that SO and I not be fit for each other. And my disabilities, even as healing is going well these days, have been straining our relationship for a while now. I haven't really been happy for months. We've been to MC, I've been to IC, he's not willing to do IC. I've reached the limit of what I can adapt to.

We are in such stress with trying to fix the relationship with the co-owners and fixing ours at the same time. It is too much to handle. And moving out and buying something new with a strained relashionship is a bad idea.

On paper, I have a perfect life : I live in a gorgeous place I can afford without being stretched, with a decent man, faithful, caring and loving. I am shit scared to make a mistake in letting that go. But I'm not sure we can fix all the strains coming from our deep-rooted issues (anger management on his side and anxiety and conflict avoidance on mine makes for a hellish mix).

I just need to let this sink in and see. I go from panick to crying rivers these days. Processing I guess. We sent a letter to the co-owners to trigger a mediation process with an attorney... now I just want to stop it all. Too much to handle cuts me from my emotions which I need right now to make a truly hartfelt decision on working things out or letting go.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 6:53 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

newnormal posted 7/3/2013 07:07 AM

It sounds like the perfect storm of struggles. ((Hug))

Fire refines precious metals. So perhaps this situation will bring out the pure gold or the straw will be all burned up?

burnt_toast posted 7/3/2013 07:14 AM

Wisely said. I believe that too.

MovingUpward posted 7/3/2013 09:05 AM


I wish I knew something to share to help.

nowiknow23 posted 7/3/2013 10:35 AM

So sorry things are so difficult for you right now. As much as you wish you could cancel the mediation stuff, perhaps tackling it and getting the issue(s) with the condo settled will clarify the waters enough to make the relationship issues addressable.

Sending you strength.

thyme2go posted 7/3/2013 12:46 PM

Simple solution - let HIM handle the situation/issues with the neighbors. Trust his judgement. DO NOT let that issue divide the two of you. It sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship otherwise so I think that should be YOUR focus.



burnt_toast posted 7/3/2013 19:56 PM

Aaaahhh, t2g... Many have advised so but I'm not too sure. Although the neighbors are a special breed of lunatic narcissitic hot-tempered asshats, I must say that my SO is also part of that dynamic by refusing to let go of the slightest detail in favor of strategic wins. It's really a mix in hell.

Of course, by dealing alone, he could reach the limits of his approach by himself and perhaps learn things and get ready to adress his own shit, but at what cost for all of us?

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 7:57 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

WhiteWolfWinning posted 7/3/2013 21:26 PM

I'm not on much these days, but I had to post to say hello at least!

I don't know the backstory with the neighbors, but I think T2Gs advice (and hello to you, too, stranger ) might be worth considering.

If the neighbors are narcissistic asshats, your being the voice of reason isn't going to change a thing with them.

If this is an indication of an incompatibly with problem solving in other issues, I can see how that would be a problem. But, if the problem is unique to these crazy neighbors, then consider stepping back for a while.

Don't let outside forces take over your insides.


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