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Morality Clause

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thegooddokta posted 7/3/2013 08:41 AM

Has anyone had a Morality Clause in there divorce? If so, what did it say and did you find it to be enforceable? If you don't mind sharing...what state was this in?

My STBX wants to put one in our divorce in CT and I'm refusing. I was just wondering how common they are nowadays and why anyone would agree to this.

chikastuff posted 7/3/2013 09:12 AM

I think the desire to include them is pretty common, but I've heard that they're VERY difficult to enforce and they can be more trouble than they're worth. That being said, you could include it in the draft agreement and use it as an area to negotiate for something you REALLY want.

suckstobeme posted 7/3/2013 09:55 AM

Wait, why wouldn't you want one if you are the BS? Is he not with OW anymore?

I'm only asking because most BS want it. I had one in my decree. Mine prohibited ex douche from introducing the kids to anyone for at least six months after the D was final. It also contains an ongoing clause that says neither one of us could have the kids exposed to sleep overs until they have been around that other person for at least six months. As far as I know, my ex stuck to it. But, I suspect that him sticking to the clause had a lot to do with the fact that hes a lawyer and he knew I would nail his ass for purposely violating an order if he stepped out of it. It wouldn't have looked good for him at all. Hoever, I've heard that people who are not in our specific situation violate these clauses all the time.

You could craft a morality clause any way you want. Some people agree to never cohabitate with anyone outside of marriage. I could have tried for that, but what's good for the goose ... I didn't want my hands tied like that. Mine I think is pretty tame,. It's really there mostly to protect the kids from either seeing their parent with someone else too soon (usually the OW/OM) or to make sure that they don't get exposed to a revolving door of partners and see mom or dad sleeping in bed with a new person every couple months.

Dawn58 posted 7/3/2013 10:00 AM

Okay, not to sound totally dense, but what is a morality clause? Why would you use it? Is it a common thing in all states? I don't have children with the pig, but could it include restricting the pictures his skanky girlfriend posts on her FB page? Could he use one that would restrict who I told about his affair?

All sorts of things that I am learning.

Protect your children, absolutely!!!

lostmommy posted 7/3/2013 10:09 AM

I think it's a waste of time to include it, personally. In my case there was no point because he was marrying the OW, they lived together shortly after he left me, and I knew that she was already introduced to J.

thegooddokta posted 7/3/2013 10:40 AM

Actually he wants a morality clause against ME! Despite me never having anyone stay over night and me only recently starting to date after a year long separation. He's the one who filed for divorce. We had agreed on the divorce settlement entirely and had a divorce date set and at the last min, his lawyer wanted to throw this in! He's already staying at his GFs house all the time (not OW), or at his parents, and I live in the marital home f/t, but technically we both live there ( he sleeps in guest room or basement). He only stays there when its his nights with the kids, and usually he takes them to his parents anyway. So a MC would really only prohibit ME from having someone in the home should I ever chose to. It really wouldn't impact him at all since he rarely sleeps there. I have no interest in controlling his life or telling him how and when he can move on, that's on him. I certainly don't want him legislating my behavior. It only sets the tone for surveillance, possible future custody disputes, and so forth. I can just imagine him trying to drag me to court every time he thinks one of my guy friends is a lover, or he *thinks* I had someone over. I want no part of monitoring his behavior any further and definitely don't want him monitoring mine. I would not have anyone over when the kids were there, not yet...but I don't want the courts telling me when and how to do this. Unfortunately, there's nothing left to negotiate for...we already agreed on everything.

cmego posted 7/3/2013 13:39 PM

Every state is different, you need to discuss this with your lawyer.

I had a morality clause in my PSA. It stated no other adult sleeping over with children present without prior authorization of other parent. (Ex is gay, I had to word it to cover men...)

What my L said was that I can include it, but it covers both of us (I was fine with that....) and that they are very, very hard to enforce. Courts don't really care about civil/moral issues.

We have now been separated 2.5 years holding my health insurance in place. He has been in a relationship for 18 months and they are going to move in together soon. I told him that we can remove the morality clause in the final decree...I can't stop the inevitable from happening, and frankly, I don't care any longer.

damncutekitty posted 7/3/2013 18:42 PM

Actually he wants a morality clause against ME!

Aparently he thinks you should stay home an pine away for him.

Dreamboat posted 7/3/2013 18:47 PM

The morality clause in my D is pretty specific. It actually says no sex is allowed when the kids are around unless you are M. And yes, it specifically says no sex, not a more "acceptable" term like no sleep overs. This was language suggested by my L.

Saying that, it is not enforceable.

But my bigger concern is WHY is you stbx staying in YOUR house??!! I don't care that is used to be the marital home, it is now YOUR home, not his. what YOU need is a clause for exclusive rights to the home. No more overnights for him. YOu can tell him that him spending the night violates the morality clause

ruinedandbroken posted 7/3/2013 19:22 PM

Yes, I had a morality clause. In my state, Florida, you cannot prohibit them from introducing them to OP but you can put in there that there will be no sleepovers. So he was not allowed any sleepovers for a year. I don't know how enforcable it is, but I'm assuming it's not easy to enforce. I just wanted it in there. Made me feel better. He and OW had broken up by the time we went to mediation so he didn't fight it.

Nature_Girl posted 7/3/2013 19:26 PM

I'd love to have a morality clause of any kind in my decree, but my lawyer just laughed at me when I asked. He's right, too. STBX didn't honor his marriage vows. He hasn't acted with integrity during the separation. He overtly refuses to cooperate. Why would he submit to a morality clause? He doesn't have any morals.

thegooddokta posted 7/5/2013 14:06 PM

Dreamboat....sad to say, it is not my is our house, we bought it together, we are both on the mortgage/deed/etc. If I can kick him out, he can certainly kick me out. Alas, he have to stick it out until the house sells.

I did talk to him and it turns out, he's not thinking about the kids, he doesn't want to have to deal with me having any males in the home what so ever. So he figures I will stop socializing with my guy friends (which I have for the 12 ys we've been together), so he doesn't have to deal with wondering if I'm dating any of them. He is asking for no men in the house even when kids are not there and away with him for the weekend. He's just crazy now.

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