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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Morality Clause
thegooddokta
♀ 35641
Member # 35641
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone had a Morality Clause in there divorce? If so, what did it say and did you find it to be enforceable? If you don't mind sharing...what state was this in?

My STBX wants to put one in our divorce in CT and I'm refusing. I was just wondering how common they are nowadays and why anyone would agree to this.


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 35
1stDday Dday 4-19-12
Married 9 yrs
Divorce sched for June 2013
2 kids 5 & 8

W/H-currently has a new girlfriend. We are still living in same house.


Posts: 118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: CT
chikastuff
♀ 35288
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the desire to include them is pretty common, but I've heard that they're VERY difficult to enforce and they can be more trouble than they're worth. That being said, you could include it in the draft agreement and use it as an area to negotiate for something you REALLY want.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, why wouldn't you want one if you are the BS? Is he not with OW anymore?

I'm only asking because most BS want it. I had one in my decree. Mine prohibited ex douche from introducing the kids to anyone for at least six months after the D was final. It also contains an ongoing clause that says neither one of us could have the kids exposed to sleep overs until they have been around that other person for at least six months. As far as I know, my ex stuck to it. But, I suspect that him sticking to the clause had a lot to do with the fact that hes a lawyer and he knew I would nail his ass for purposely violating an order if he stepped out of it. It wouldn't have looked good for him at all. Hoever, I've heard that people who are not in our specific situation violate these clauses all the time.

You could craft a morality clause any way you want. Some people agree to never cohabitate with anyone outside of marriage. I could have tried for that, but what's good for the goose ... I didn't want my hands tied like that. Mine I think is pretty tame,. It's really there mostly to protect the kids from either seeing their parent with someone else too soon (usually the OW/OM) or to make sure that they don't get exposed to a revolving door of partners and see mom or dad sleeping in bed with a new person every couple months.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2909 | Registered: Jan 2011
Dawn58
♀ 37656
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, not to sound totally dense, but what is a morality clause? Why would you use it? Is it a common thing in all states? I don't have children with the pig, but could it include restricting the pictures his skanky girlfriend posts on her FB page? Could he use one that would restrict who I told about his affair?

All sorts of things that I am learning.

Protect your children, absolutely!!!


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
lostmommy
♀ 33440
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's a waste of time to include it, personally. In my case there was no point because he was marrying the OW, they lived together shortly after he left me, and I knew that she was already introduced to J.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
thegooddokta
♀ 35641
Member # 35641
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually he wants a morality clause against ME! Despite me never having anyone stay over night and me only recently starting to date after a year long separation. He's the one who filed for divorce. We had agreed on the divorce settlement entirely and had a divorce date set and at the last min, his lawyer wanted to throw this in! He's already staying at his GFs house all the time (not OW), or at his parents, and I live in the marital home f/t, but technically we both live there ( he sleeps in guest room or basement). He only stays there when its his nights with the kids, and usually he takes them to his parents anyway. So a MC would really only prohibit ME from having someone in the home should I ever chose to. It really wouldn't impact him at all since he rarely sleeps there. I have no interest in controlling his life or telling him how and when he can move on, that's on him. I certainly don't want him legislating my behavior. It only sets the tone for surveillance, possible future custody disputes, and so forth. I can just imagine him trying to drag me to court every time he thinks one of my guy friends is a lover, or he *thinks* I had someone over. I want no part of monitoring his behavior any further and definitely don't want him monitoring mine. I would not have anyone over when the kids were there, not yet...but I don't want the courts telling me when and how to do this. Unfortunately, there's nothing left to negotiate for...we already agreed on everything.


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 35
1stDday Dday 4-19-12
Married 9 yrs
Divorce sched for June 2013
2 kids 5 & 8

W/H-currently has a new girlfriend. We are still living in same house.


Posts: 118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: CT
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every state is different, you need to discuss this with your lawyer.

I had a morality clause in my PSA. It stated no other adult sleeping over with children present without prior authorization of other parent. (Ex is gay, I had to word it to cover men...)

What my L said was that I can include it, but it covers both of us (I was fine with that....) and that they are very, very hard to enforce. Courts don't really care about civil/moral issues.

We have now been separated 2.5 years holding my health insurance in place. He has been in a relationship for 18 months and they are going to move in together soon. I told him that we can remove the morality clause in the final decree...I can't stop the inevitable from happening, and frankly, I don't care any longer.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4284 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually he wants a morality clause against ME!

Aparently he thinks you should stay home an pine away for him.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The morality clause in my D is pretty specific. It actually says no sex is allowed when the kids are around unless you are M. And yes, it specifically says no sex, not a more "acceptable" term like no sleep overs. This was language suggested by my L.

Saying that, it is not enforceable.

But my bigger concern is WHY is you stbx staying in YOUR house??!! I don't care that is used to be the marital home, it is now YOUR home, not his. what YOU need is a clause for exclusive rights to the home. No more overnights for him. YOu can tell him that him spending the night violates the morality clause


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
ruinedandbroken
♀ 29250
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I had a morality clause. In my state, Florida, you cannot prohibit them from introducing them to OP but you can put in there that there will be no sleepovers. So he was not allowed any sleepovers for a year. I don't know how enforcable it is, but I'm assuming it's not easy to enforce. I just wanted it in there. Made me feel better. He and OW had broken up by the time we went to mediation so he didn't fight it.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd love to have a morality clause of any kind in my decree, but my lawyer just laughed at me when I asked. He's right, too. STBX didn't honor his marriage vows. He hasn't acted with integrity during the separation. He overtly refuses to cooperate. Why would he submit to a morality clause? He doesn't have any morals.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10153 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
thegooddokta
♀ 35641
Member # 35641
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamboat....sad to say, it is not my house...it is our house, we bought it together, we are both on the mortgage/deed/etc. If I can kick him out, he can certainly kick me out. Alas, he have to stick it out until the house sells.

I did talk to him and it turns out, he's not thinking about the kids, he doesn't want to have to deal with me having any males in the home what so ever. So he figures I will stop socializing with my guy friends (which I have for the 12 ys we've been together), so he doesn't have to deal with wondering if I'm dating any of them. He is asking for no men in the house even when kids are not there and away with him for the weekend. He's just crazy now.


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 35
1stDday Dday 4-19-12
Married 9 yrs
Divorce sched for June 2013
2 kids 5 & 8

W/H-currently has a new girlfriend. We are still living in same house.


Posts: 118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: CT
Topic Posts: 12

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