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ajsmom posted 7/3/2013 12:11 PM

I’ve decided to take myself on a retreat this weekend. My roomie’s family is coming to town and seeing it’s her place, I always vacate when that happens. Usually I crash with friends or family, but because it’s the holiday weekend, I really didn’t want to intrude on anyone’s plans so I decided to book a hotel room and do a little – no, a lot – of soul searching.

It’s one of those studio suites, so I’ll have a mini office area, a separate bedroom and a full kitchen in which I can just be A.L.O.N.E. and enjoy some $2.99 Chuck Shaw Pinot Grigrio courtesy of Trader Joe’s, cook things I’ve been really Jonesing for lately and lie around in my skivvies if I want.

I am completely burned out. I’m in a job I absolutely hate working for people I completely distain. The search for something new has proven to be frustrating to say the least. My living situation, although certainly not bad by any stretch, has me yearning for my independence again. I’ve had a really rough time sleeping lately. My head just won’t stop working in overdrive and I find myself ruminating over everything – the A, my D, my work and living situations – to the point of self-nauseum. Yes, folks, if you make yourself sick by your own thoughts, it’s probably time to decompress for a bit.

I realize part of my angst is because my group counseling program takes a summer break so lately I’ve had nowhere to vent my emotions and frustrations. I’m a huge Ted Talks fan and this morning revisited Brené Brown’s talk on vulnerability. We cover vulnerability and shame a lot in our group so I’m going to bring along my group materials and try to get myself back on point. I have five sheets of flip chart sticky paper, a bunch of colored markers and with the help of my journals, plan to lay out my life in front of me, both in the hopes that I’ll realize it isn’t quite as bad as I think and to focus on my future a bit better and more succinctly.

This is a tough time of year for me as my engagement and wedding dates to my X eerily mirror almost to the exact dates the beginning of his A, my D-day, false R’s and other shatterings of my life. Triggers abound and I barely muddle through spring through fall, and frankly, I’m sick of living this way. As part of my fitness plan, I ride my bicycle through some awesome country trails near my storage unit where I keep it (storage units – a.k.a. “The Divorced Person’s Gated Community”) which is a great thing, I know. The bad thing is I have to literally see my life stacked in a 10’ x 20’ space and ruminate some more about how I can’t touch “my” things on a daily basis every single time I go there to get my bike. See how deep this crap can go? Ridiculous, isn’t it?

I’m going to cap the weekend off by going to see the Eagles in concert Sunday night with some girlfriends and by the time I hear the opening cords of “Desperado”, I hope to have some peace back in this insane post-infidelity life of mine.

Cheers y’all. Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

AJ's MOM

lieshurt posted 7/3/2013 12:21 PM

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Hope you do too.

Sad in AZ posted 7/3/2013 12:30 PM

Wishing you a soul-satisfying weekend

Lyonesse posted 7/3/2013 12:35 PM

This is a great idea. I actually think everyone should do this, once a year, if they can.

Unwind, rejuvenate, and think hard about what you want out of life in the bigger picture.

I'll bet you will sleep much better this weekend...

FaithFool posted 7/3/2013 12:48 PM

Good for you. Change is what you make it.

Especially enjoy the cheap wine. It is heading into white Zinfandel season for me...cheap but oh so good.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:50 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

better4me posted 7/3/2013 20:42 PM

Ajsmom,
Sounds like you know what you need and have a plan to get back to being true to you. Anniversary's suck, but they are also a good time to take stock, make plans, get back on the path.

I wrote myself a letter on DDay anniversary #1. It was a letter to myself of a year ago. As in, "Dear Better4me this is future you talking to you of a year ago. I want you to know these things..." maybe something like that would be helpful to you too.

I am a huge Brene Brown fan!

"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses..." sounds like a fitting cap to the "ajsmom retreat weekend". Let us know how it goes! ((hugs))

Kajem posted 7/3/2013 21:51 PM

Stay safe and enjoy your time with yourself.

Hugs,

K

wannabenormal posted 7/3/2013 21:55 PM

I think it's a fab idea, AJ's. I hope you get your 'peaceful easy feelings' because I know we can all use it sometimes.

Enjoy yourself; enjoy the break. Sometimes a staycation is better than actually going away!

I think you're pretty great, you deserve this!

wildbananas posted 7/3/2013 22:19 PM

I think this is an awesome idea! I'm planning something like this myself in the winter.

I hope you have a great time and are able to decompress and regroup.