I am not a good person. I am not doing this to look good, nor to get into heaven. At this point I'm not even sure there is a heaven. And I'm fairly certain I am currently living in hell. I'm taking care of family because it's what family does. It's what family is supposed to do. Obligation, responsibility, whatever. Caring for a semi-invalid is not my idea of fun. Except for going to work and the grocery store I have had four "breaks" over the past year. One for ~4 hours - my sister deigned to watch our mother while my children (who also share caretaking duties) and I went to a local stage production.
One for ~12 hours, another time my sister deigned to watch my mom while my kids and I drove 8 hour round trip to visit my father for a few hours. We were informed when we dropped mom off to be sure to pick her up by 8 pm as my sister 'has a life'...
Another ~6 hour break that I paid someone to come in and tend Mom while my DDs and I went to another stage production. This ended up being a fiasco.
The last, when I took my mom on an 8 hour road trip for a family reunion with her remaining brother and sister and their families. (Ever travel with a semi-invalid with the commode chair strapped to the top of the car? Having to tend to hygiene issues in multiple public restrooms? Deal with a wheelchair bound person in non-handicapped houses? Loads of fun...) My aunt tended my mom one day while we were 3 states away from home and sent my DD and I over to my cousin's to visit, swim and get a break for a few hours. (God Bless Aunt L!)
I cancelled my vacation AGAIN this year because I can't afford to go on vacation AND pay someone to caretake my mom. Update on that, my aunt and cousin have volunteered to drive out and stay for a few days so my daughters and I can get away. (Once more, God Bless Aunt L and Cousin D!) We will be going to see my dad and taking time to stop and visit sights along the way. Not the vacation that we had planned, but you take what you can get. Family helping family. What a novel-fucking idea that my dear sister and her fat ass POS husband don't subscribe to. (My aunt and cousin live 8 hours away, my sister lives 20 minutes away...)
After boo-hooing on FB that she 'couldn't afford to come to the family reunion' (where she had a free place to stay and could have brought her dogs), my sister then posts about going to her fat-ass-POS H's family reunion (where they had to pay for lodging and board their dogs to boot).
And, even though Sis and POSH 'can't afford' to be around her blood relatives, they are planning yet more vacations later in the summer and in the fall, after already having been to Disney World this past spring.
Oh, I forgot, they have a life...
To add insult to injury, since Sis is 'the favored child', years before her strokes, my mom made Sis Power of Attorney, Will Executor, etc. I have to live my life in accordance with Sis' whims.
In all fairness, my sister does make the twenty minute trek once or twice a month to spend 30 minutes or so with my mom, and so mom can visit with her youngest grandchild. And, so they can regale us with all the tales of their wonderful life, vacations, outings, etc.
I am not a good person. I hate that I am chained to my mom, yet again. I hate that my children are sacrificing their own lives to help me. I hate that my sister is such a flaming asswipe. I just hate my life in general.
In hindsight, infidelity was a breeze.
ETA: and I hate that I have to come back to SI to vent because I have nowhere else to go.
[This message edited by PiQue at 12:31 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]