The best I can say is let the other wives know.
It is what it is. Que sera sera. (whatever will be, will be)
Be a good role model for the kids. Let them know, let them see, what good people do and how they act.
When my parents divorced, there was mud slinging and manipulation.
It was constant stress on my brothers and I.
I hated my dad because of what my mom told me.
Eventually, I moved out and made my own choices.
I reconciled with my dad and got to know him and felt sorry for time I had lost with him. I then tuned my mom out.
Now it's switched where I don't favor one over the other.
I tell them both to stop being petty and get over themselves.
I never felt like I had a parent figure in my life. My parents spent so much time hating each other and using my brothers and I as pawns.
I had one adult that was more like my mom than anyone else. I trusted her indefinitely. She has since passed away. I miss her. I don't think I would cry for my own mom, the way I cried for her at her funeral.
Anyway, the point is that the woman who was my own "fill in" mom was that person, because I could trust her. She was never bias. She was always accepting and always gave me good advice-whether I wanted to hear it or not.
She loved me unconditionally. She wasn't with me at all times. I didn't live with her. I corresponded with her through letters and maybe spent weekends with her, maybe 4 times a year. She wasn't family. But I loved her more than anyone in my life.
Sometimes I still think, "what would Wendy have told me to do?" especially, now, in my time of need. And it's sad because I have no idea what she would have said to me. But I know it would have been wise.
My mom would say something mean and rash. My dad would say something legal and professional. But Wendy would have made it wise and smart and logical and she would have made me come up with the answer myself. (it's hard to disagree with your own idea)
The point is-it takes more than living with someone or spending lots of time with someone to make them that special person.
It takes character, grace, class and a caring personality that gets remembered. Kids remember that. Kids see that.