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Newest Member: Sarah5479 (61853)

User Topic: He has 3 years
♀ 32324
Member # 32324
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that seems like a long time for some people, but that's how long my H has to prove to me he wants our M to work or I'm out the door.

It's been 2 years since D-day and he's done the bare minimum so far. We had a heart-to-heart talk today and it went about as well as expected. I told him how unhappy I am/have been. I asked him, again, to go to MC with me. I said I think about D a lot, at least on a weekly basis, if not more. I had a dream last night that made me trigger today. It was about me leaving him and him not giving a shit that I'm gone. Basically, the dream was pretty much exactly how I feel IRL. I've asked him several times (including today) what he'd do if I left. Today he was silent (like through most of the conversation), but previous times he told me he'd miss our daughter. No mention of missing me or wanting me in his life. I'm glad he at least feels something about it (i.e. missing daughter), but it's not enough. I want, NEED, to be important, too. I'm giving him 3 years because I need that much time to finish my degree so I can get a decent job to support our daughter on my own if necessary. Plus, filing for D while living overseas, moving back to the states, etc is a pain in the ass and costly. It's not like our M is horrible. He doesn't beat me, doesn't screw us over financially, isn't an addict, etc. I just thought, maybe stupidly, that there should be more good days in a M than there are bad. I don't feel respected. He's condescending and critical a lot of the time. When good things do happen, like getting accepted into the university that has a low acceptance rate, he is never happy for me. He just seems to not care. Our sex life is meh. We have sex often enough, I guess, but it's just not good. We don't connect anymore. I'm tired of always doing all the work. I plan EVERYTHING. I take care of the finances, our daughter, the house, pets, etc. If appointments need to be made, I do it. If we have to call the bank for something, I do it. I plan vacations, get gifts and make phone calls for birthdays, Christmas, etc for not only our daughter and my family, but his family, too.

He has 3 years. That's it. That is all I'm willing to give him. Until then, I'm going to finish school, save some money, and enjoy traveling around Europe. At that point, if he hasn't done enough (or anything like so far), I'll only be 30 and haven't wasted a ridiculous amount of time.

Me: 31
Him: 32
Married 11 years
Daughter, 10 yrs old
D-Day: 05/08/2011

Posts: 682 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Louisiana
♀ 38121
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's SO disconnected. He's lucky he got ONE year and quite honestly, I'd never give him 3. But you need to stay until your schooling is done so the choice has kind of been made for you.

Good luck to you.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 6327 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand. Mine has 2.


FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 32324
Member # 32324
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not perfect either...not even close, but I'm TRYING. He's just not doing anything. I wish so much that I was done with school, or at least didn't have so much left to do. Ugh. This sucks ass.

ETA: I also told him that I am still waiting for an apology. Not the crappy "I'm sorry I'm stupid" junk he gave me before, but an actual heartfelt, he understands that he broke my heart kind of apology. Still waiting...

[This message edited by frigidfire86 at 2:24 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

Me: 31
Him: 32
Married 11 years
Daughter, 10 yrs old
D-Day: 05/08/2011

Posts: 682 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Louisiana
Topic Posts: 4

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