I was browsing facebook and found my way to someone who works where we all (my WH, me, and the whore bag slut OW works) and to my surprise the person I was looking up must be a relative of the OW, because I saw a picture of the OW and her daughter there on the page. They looked all happy and I just thought to myself "WTF, you get to fuck my husband, and fuck over everything me and him had and you get to be fine and dandy like nothing ever happened"
I am so angry and hurt and feel like crying. I hate her, and I hate my husband for doing this. Why does she get to f&@*& my husband and be fine? ! Not have any consequences and remain happy? WHILE i am so freaking miserable. Never able to have the same feelings about my husband that I did, and not really being happy. She was getting ready to go to ZUMBA class.....NICE> freaking deal. So Not only do I feel like total utter SHIT that MY husband chose to be with her for those two months, and feel like I am not attractive and he could give a rats ass about me, but she has to be going to zumba which makes me feel worse, like im some ugly hag.
I hate her. I hate this.
I hate both of them, and i shouldnt even freaking have to say THEM.
Im such a mess.Im so disgusted with my Wh and that home wrecking, whore, slut piece of garbage.
Note...please no Wayward spouses respond to this. I have to be honest...I dont want to hear from any of you today. Im sorry.
[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 2:08 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]
So of course it feels terrible to think that the OW has gotten away without having to face up to the terrible pain and damage she's caused. When you're in pain, you want to lash out, and you want to make the responsible parties suffer.
But life just ain't fair. And you KNOW, since you're on here, that obsessing about the OW, or trying to even things up, is a waste of your energy. That's not to say you're wrong, or that it's easy to stop this -- because it's not. Just try to breathe and take it down a notch.
For all you know, she's sobbing in her pillow every night. Or drinking herself to sleep. You just don't know. One picture doesn't tell you a thing.
I feel the same way about the OW in my case.... XWH and I divorced and she ended up getting exactly what she set out to get, a stupid older man who was willin to marry her and to support her and her immigrant family. I am very happy today and very over it, but I will always hate her and hate the fact that she got what she wanted with no regard for me or my son.. and they are living happily ever after.
I HEAR you! A picture on FB is just a picture though, anyone can smile for a picture and LOOK happy. Trust me, she is not happy with herself inside.
I also passionately hate my WHs OW (who was pretending to be my friend and picking up my kids the entire time for playdates). But, to do what they did, there is something dark and evil in them. F her zumba class, she probably can't even do it right. Picture her not being able to follow the moves right, most people can't.
I know how it feels to feel like you are miserable and your life is turned upside down and she is just able to carry on. I remember being at a friend's house crying, breastfeeding, mourning, angry, confused, frozen and I was talking to her and her daughter...just a couple days after Dday. Her daughter left to go clothes shopping and texted us that she saw her there shopping! She's f'n out shopping for new clothes while my world is completely shattered. And for all I knew she was buying a new outfit to go out with my WH! I went from thinking this person was a friend and our kid's friend's mom to OMG, she's screwing my H and he's leaving me for her!???
It's completely unfair but what goes around comes around and the happier she "appears" to be... just wait, she'll get hers and God will let you see it.
Stay strong, keep posting.
Um, sorry. I'm sorry that you chose this for yourself.
I didn't get that choice. It was made for me by my idiot SO and his OW. What I wouldn't kill to have been given an option like EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED WAS.
I agree completely with everything you said. It is so unfair that they get to run around, screw up our lives, and then just leave like nothing happened. Here you are suffering and having serious problems in your marriage...and MAYBE she feels guilty as she runs off to enjoy Zumba class. *rolls eyes* I completely agree.
Just remember to focus on YOU and your healing... she will get hers someday.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
So don't beat yourself up, don't trust what you see on FB. SHE is the loser, she is the reject!!!!! She can post smiling pics all day long, but she may be dying inside.
For your sake, I'm kind hoping she's reaping what she's sown. Hugs to you. Hugs to your sweet babies.
I have to disagree that venting about one of the 2 people that shit on you is wasted energy. Keeping your emotions bottled up is damaging and down right dangerous. Keep finding safe ways to let the steam out and do not let the stress build.
It does not matter if the OW is happy or not. You will still hate her and everything she stands for. I too see that life is going along great for the OW while my H and I have had to make changes that neither of us want to make, including moving out of our home town for a job change.
You are heard and supported.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
It all just bites.
I hear you! Six months after DD#2 the poor, heartbroken tramp moved on and is living with some other guy. Didn't matter that this guy was dating a very good friend of hers.... oh and he has dirty fingernails!
Not too long ago, I realized that she could no longer hurt me. She no longer had any power over ME. The damage to my marriage has already been done, that bell cannot be unrung. I, on the other hand, could inflict a shit load of horror onto her crappy, little world. Her employer does not know that she used her office as a love shack, but I have the video. Her parents, brothers,sisters and her daughters do not know, but I have her e-mails. At any time, I could release it all.
Between you and me, sometimes I sit in the parking lot next to her office building. Just sipping my coffee from the Burger King also in her parking lot. I know she recognizes my car; EVERYONE knows my car. I know she sees me; I'm not trying to hide. I hope she is scared shitless about what I am up to. I am a hell of a lot smarter than her and again, have nothing to lose. Even if I never do a thing; she always has to wonder....
So Heartbroken, hate away. She can't hurt you anymore.
They looked all happy and I just thought to myself "WTF, you get to fuck my husband, and fuck over everything me and him had and you get to be fine and dandy like nothing ever happened"
Thats because she doesn't have to live with your husband. She doesn't have the daily drama of raising a family with him, or putting up with him pissing on the toilet seat.
I guarantee you if you were to leave him, and he moved in with her, she wouldn't be happy for long. Nor would he.
I truly believe that the best revenge is to put the cheater and the OW/OM together where at least one of them expects fidelity and commitment, and watch their happiness dwindle once the 7 year itch happens in about 1 or 2.
[This message edited by nofool4u at 3:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]
They are nothing but "holes" to men. You are the "marrying type" and she is the "fu*king type"....disposable.
I almost feel bad for them because they are so pathetic and insecure that they seek attention from married men as if it's a fu*king challenge! They think they're sooo special because they got the attention (temporarily) of a married man?! Really?? A man that has been with the same woman through good times and bad, has financial responsibilities with her, children, in-laws, has seen her through illnesses with symptoms like puking and diarrhea, has heard her accidentally fart while laughing too hard and has probably seen her change her tampon. Being married is a challenge. Fucking a married man is NOT!
So a hole walked by, he fu*ked it and tossed it to the curb. No, it doesn't make it ok but I promise you that the OW is NOT happy! If she was happy then she wouldn't have been searching for validation from a married man! AND she now feels even worse because she knows she was only a piece of ass to him. The hole did not "get to fu*ck your husband"...your husband fu*ked a hole. Nothing more. YOU cannot be replaced! She can be replaced by something you buy at an "adult toy store."
The people that post on FB about how "happy they are" only do it to "appear" happy because they are miserable on the inside. That's why it's referred to as FakeBook : )
Me I have the same husband, don't get me wrong, I love him. Except now I know what he is capable of. Oh yeah now I get to have cancer. My boss fired me as soon as he found out about the hodgkins.
I also have 2 amazing children, my wonderful 17 y/o son who just got his learners permit. The fear and joy of teaching him how to drive. A 21 y/o daughter with special needs, the awe I feel of watching learn something new every day.
So other other than the cancer, I wish she had that. I will keep my life.
I'm sorry for your pain and I've spent time with it, also. Especially in the days following dday, I hate to admit to almost a fascination with this kind of woman who would welcome a married man into her bed and home and life. I could write very long about it but will try to steer myself back to your troubles and away from mine.
I've come to learn or think that this is a person (I don't want to generalize or label) with very different -or no-standards or morals, who is willing to do whatever it takes to sway a man who can be swayed and manipulated, away from his life.
It's taken me a ton of exhausting work to alter my thinking and focus away from OW, because what I realized is that it was kind of like a cycle and was actually causing me more pain. I had to learn some thinking skills to steer my thinking away from OW, but it really helps now.
And you know, it may be hard to believe now, but it's my opinion that OW/OM have consequences. It may not happen right for them right away, as it does to us BS's, but it is my firm belief that it will happen.
If you think of it with a little psychology, how could their standards or lifestyle or whatever the term is -that thing that lets them have sex with married people-how could this element of a person be consequence free?
And the post about pictures being what you make them is spot on. I can tell you that I finally deleted my facebook page and don't go to any social network sites because STBX is all over them and so is OW. It was like a new day for me to realize that I was adding to my pain again by even looking and it messed with my sense of security to know she had a connection to look at anything of mine, for there is evidence and it is believed that she wants to steal my life.
There's a lot more on the topic to say, but I'm writing too long. It's frustrating to hear that time helps, but it does. And it sounds like you're going through lots of anger that I also go through and I'm sorry for it. Anger needs to be worked out and I bet over time you might notice that when you get angry, your focus changes. I'm more angry at SBTX now than OW and I finally feel like she is a big fool.
She is getting for herself and future a liar, a manipulator, a narcissistic pig who hopes for an open relationship with her that he could not have in his marriage and tried to force.
I hope that over time, you will be able to see that really, OW/OM do not get off scott-free. Often, it is also something of an act, meant to hurt us by putting it all out there in cyber public in the first place.
Someone on Si once reminded me that facebook and those sites aren't real. They are what people make them and often used as tools for people to hurt other people.
It makes me sad for the people who created them.
And there are some interesting articles online about how many relationships in the world are broken because of it.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Why does she get to f&@*& my husband and be fine?
She's only fine in the carefully managed "on stage" version of her life. Underneath, she feels alone and worthless, and that's what makes her desperate and disposable.
She's not fine--she's pitiful.
And at times, I really hate my WH for ever allowing himself to allow this woman to give me any reason to hate her. A person that I have never met in person before.
I get sick to the stomache, I see red, I shake and suddenly feel like I am a ball of raging fire.
She fucked my WH, tried to 'claim' him by getting pregnant and getting a ring from him...then when it doesn't work out...she just gets to skip off into the sunset into the arms of this new man she found. Sure, she's pregnant, but I'm sure she is actually enjoying her pregnancy with this new guy who is super excited. How. Dare. HER. I probably had a month or two of actually excitment and anticipation like most women, even though I was alone because my WH is stationed in S. Korea. That's it. Screw her. I have never hated someone so much before in my life. And the worst part? What if she doesn't get what's coming to her one day? What if she gets to spend the rest of her life somewhat happy and looks back on what happened with a 'ehh, I was young' attitude? I. CANNOT. STAND. IT.
I don't know when this rage will subside. I'm sure it will always be there, we just get stronger and it doesn't bother us as much? I don't know. I really really hope so for any BS's sake who is dealing with immeasurable amounts of rage. I don't know how I will live with it if it doesn't get easier...
Hopefloats..I love you..lol I love your post so much. Helped me alot