Yes, this is some of what I live now. Except that I over-told the story, but it was because STBX was working so hard to sell me down the river and take life as I knew it away.
I have an extremely narcissistic mother and can tell you, it's terrible to deal with. The only bright spot in all of it is finally knowing why I could never please her as a child and some other missing pieces.
I don't favor swearing, but "b. boots" aren't just for WS, they are also for other "relationships".
Part of this process with STBX has helped me to stand up to others and also, to not accept guilt when someone is disappointed or not getting their way. Right there, I think, is a golden key to a narcissistic parent and it's interesting that I hear it with mothers more.
I am still having a feeling of coming down from a rush of emotion after being told off by my mother because I had to say no to something she wanted. My father got it for his married life and now it is me because we're the ones who plan and have boundaries...NG (Narcissistic Grandma) can't stand that.
Anyway...I think the boundaries will be good for you, BFF, and working on how to not be guilty after a narcissistic storm is one of the most empowering feelings in the universe.
As you say, no one checks in on me either and in fact, IL's are having fights over me now and so I am backing away and having another part of life torn away from me.
I had IL's snub me about five times the last six months and one is the godmother of our child. The pain from that I cannot ever forget, or let myself be ever put in that place again.
One or two check up on me but rarely and they know the truth of all that STBX did-"the Snubbers" do not, for STBX got to them with the lies and no one has corrected it.
Just last week I was able to correct some of STBX's lies to another IL and she cried fresh tears for me, DD and baby to be when she learned the real truth of what one of their own had done.
Still another agreed with me for outing him again, because if he could turn on us, couldn't he do it to one of them? He's already done the lying with them.
So anyway...yes, I feel your pain and have much empathy. I think of IL's as a kind of species all their own.
My own family, FWIW to tell, knew of the A and did not tell me-no one of them. My mother told me when I accepted STBX back and would give me no peace until she told her piece. It was awful.
Both STBX and NG are narcissistic and compete with each other and it is full blown now. To the point of having to hear, "who gets to be in the delivery room?" Ugg.
I wish you well and I wish you peace and hope you will figure out how to handle your NM. (Narcissistic Mother).
P.S. I find myself having very little contact with mine because of how she handles life and my situation and how she grandparents. And I'm having trouble just forgiving every storm now...do you KWIM?
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Henry Ford invented cars to pick uo girls. Damon Wayne