I haven't posted in awhile, just been lurking about. But I am having such an awful time right now. I have been fretting about the big family get together this weekend. It's by WH's family. Most of them know about the A and I'm ok with that. It just that since my WH's A came out, we found out that ALL of his siblings also had A - cheated on their husbands - some even several times. I am having a hard time dealing with such selfishness in this family, but I feel confused by my feelings. Doesn't make sense, huh? Yeah, try living it. Guess I'm trying to put logic where there is none.
If it was just dealing with my WH's A affair, it would be bad enough, but now I must face these "happy" family members who have somewhat reconciled with their spouses. Really, all I feel is even more hurt. It seems like any misunderstandings or little hurts caused by his family over the years is getting manifests to the nth degree in me right now. I hate this. We dealt with these misunderstandings in the past, why is it coming up now.
Even though it is hard, I am committed to being with my WH. I'd be lying to say that on some days it is actually the kids (5) that keep me committed. My WH is very remorseful, dealing with his own FOO issues (heck who isn't?!) and helping me tremendously. Maybe I can just divorce his family? I'm not a good pretender on a good day, and completely lousy when I am hurting so much. Maybe staying away is the best thing. But then, am I just being selfish? I need to deal with it sooner or later. I understand about forgiveness, but I feel his family, while loving, is full of betrayers who can't be trusted. Yep, having serious trust issues with a lot of people right now. I know that they are not two-faced, they just screwed up like my WH. But I don't know if I even want my kids around them.
I just feel like my life got completely slam dunked and is still in pieces.
Guess I'm done rambling and venting for now. Can I make an excuse for not going without it seeming selfish? Then again, after their ultimate selfishness, maybe it's my turn at selfishness - at least I have a better excuse!