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Needing to improve communication

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vivere posted 7/3/2013 19:01 PM

Another little spat this morning helped me realise that I often say to myself "why couldn't he have just responded like XYZ, then everything would have been fine."

As I sit here thinking about it though, I am wondering perhaps I am too sensitive and in reality if I had of just reacted like XYZ then everything would be fine???

Now I'm chastising myself thinking that perhaps I am too concerned with who was 'right' and who was 'wrong'in the situation and that's why I am analysing it.

I feel confused but also as though I'm close to a light bulb moment. This morning has highlighted our poor communication and to not analyse it would be to continue with old immature patterns of disagree/argue, silence for a period of time, a truce from one corner or the other and the whole incident forgotten (rugswept).

Nothing gained at all but an opportunity for personal growth and relationship health lost.

Can anyone recommend any good self help books on improving communication. Not A related. Something with exercises that make you think and stay on topic. Something that we might do together??

AFrayedKnot posted 7/3/2013 19:16 PM

We loved the book "The marriage you have always dreamed of". By Greg Smalley. It is an all around relationship book with the main focus on communication. We read it together and did all the exercises in it. There were a few jaw dropping hair raising moments about the vicious cycle we were stuck in.

WakingFromADream posted 7/3/2013 19:46 PM

Here are a few books that I have found very useful in learning more about communication.

"Crucial Conversations" and "Crucial Confrontations" by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny

These two are not about M or A but more business oriented. I think that they have some very nice explanations about having conversations with other people when you have to deal with differing expectations. I really like these because they really give a nice way to break down confrontations into understandable chunks and gives you a starting point to be able to work through it.

"Fighting for your Marriage" by Howard Markham

This deals with many aspects of M. I feel that it has some really great insights into communication in a M and some of the dynamics that can occur. There is some discussion about defensiveness and pursuer/withdrawer in chapter 3 that you may find pertains to your situation. You may also find chapter 4 useful where it talks about filters that you have when you talk to other people.

SeeThingsNow1 posted 7/3/2013 20:18 PM

have started having more conversations and told hubby, I want at least 2 conversation
dates" a month....he is trying to open up more and is getting better..but man, its like pulling teeth without novacain LOL but I get him sometimes, I will , out of the blue say - 'hey, I have a question" he immediately thinks it is gonna be about what he did because we agreed instead of accusing I will ask questions and I will ask something about what was your favorite game when you were a kid, or something equally innocent lol I do it just to see him swallow the big lump in his throat LOL keeps him on his toes

vivere posted 7/4/2013 07:17 AM

Thanks for your suggestions, much appreciated. Got some reading ahead of me. Cheers.

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