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Typical or not?

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Sofia58 posted 7/3/2013 20:40 PM

I am 2.5 years out. My husband met his affair partner at the Lifetime fitness gym. Since his disclosure to me, he left Lifetime and we now go to the YMCA. But every now and then, we run into people who knew him from his years at Lifetime. Tonight we went out for dinner at a loval bar that used to be our place. At the bar, these people kept looking at him. Then they asked, "Didn't you used to go to Lifetime? We haven't see you in a while." So of course, I wonder if they are aware of him and her in the gym, doing their workout together, going on the eliptical together and wondering if they broke up. When I am his wife of 15 years.

On top of that, his AP now works in the same city as me, in a building close by. I ran into her once and confronted her. Last week, she was in my very building and came within inches of me as I was walking through the skyway.

Even without these constant reminders, I think of the affair every day. My H says he never thinks of it.

Has anyone else had these type of situations? Is it good that he doesn't think of it? How do I stop thinking of it? How are the rest of you all doing at 2+ years. This website literally lifted me up in my darkest days. I hope to do that for others, but still feel too wrung out to do it. Advice or thoughts?

sisoon posted 7/4/2013 07:15 AM

Our D-Days are close. I still think of the A every day, sometimes a few times, sometimes a lot. Of course, I'm still on SI a lot. (It's not that SI triggers me; it's that I still think about the A a lot, so I come here.) I'm not aware of feeling a lot of pain, though.

I'm not sure about my W's thoughts. I know she's been working on her issues since D-Day, and that's what I've cared about.

girlsbird posted 7/4/2013 07:30 AM

I slso think about it everyday. Usually for only a few moments. Everyday, on my way to work, I have to drive right past where they met and where she used to live.

Although not a frequent poster I come here several times a week and read. Helps to keep me sane.

momdaughterwife posted 7/4/2013 08:36 AM

I don't really believe he doesn't think about it. I feel JMO that he says that in hopes you won't think about it or bring it up. I am 6 1/2 years out from OW 1 and 3 1/2 years out from OW 2 but never see them. We have no mutual friends and live fairly far apart.
It's probably tougher if you see them or people who knew about 'them' IMO. It's probably a trigger for you. Are you sharing your thoughts and feelings with him? Does he know how you feel in those moments? I'm not suggesting a 24/7 analysis, but once a day or at least a few times a week for about 10-20 minutes, you should be able to tell him how you feel about running into her or those other people from his past. It would be nice if you could plan together how you would like to handle it.

[This message edited by momdaughterwife at 8:38 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]

Sofia58 posted 7/4/2013 14:47 PM

I do tell him how I feel. He really wants me to avoid talking with her at times when I see her and he is very sorry that this happens and how upsetting it is for me.

It is such a strange dynamic. Our marriage is so much better than it was before his A but the knowledge of his betrayal still hurts me daily. I wish I was a less emotional person and could just put it in a box as something that happened an move on. But beleive me, I am grateful not to still feel the pain that was there in the beginning. That was unbearable!

I wouldn't wish this on anyone but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who still thinks about it daily even though years have passed.

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