Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

I don't know what to do, Please help.

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

overcoming2003 posted 7/3/2013 22:14 PM

I told my husband months ago that I am no longer interested in continuing our marriage. This is nothing new. I have put my all into our marriage and I have run out of gas. I don't have anything left. The cheating with him occurred in 2003 a lot has resulted due to the cheating, but I got over it and forgave him for that. The issue for a long time was that, although he behaved for a while, he reverted back to old habits that caused him to cheat in the first place. No matter how much I yelled, talked and the end, he did what he wanted and it didn't matter how I felt about it. This isn't even my biggest issue anymore. As far as I cam concerned, he can see whomever he would like. That is an HONEST feeling.
My issues are the fact that he has lost so many jobs, that I can't keep count anymore. Two in one state and 4 in the present state that we live in now. I am in debt because of it. I act as a single parent to my son with NO help from him. We are not intimate and have not slept in the same room in years. What purpose does he serve in our household? Also, he doesn't know how to cook and barely cleans.

He was arrested and now has a felony on his record (this occurred about a year ago). Our DS was with him when he was arrested. I cannot find it in my heart to get past this. I have tried. I have given it my best shot. I have started having anxiety attacks because the pressure of my M. finances and job is too much for me.

He knows that I am not in love anymore. I am sure that I don't want this marriage. I don't want to do counseling. I asked for this when he cheated and he said no and basically wanted me to keep that a secret and I did for years. Now that I want out, he wants counseling and wants to save the marriage.

Also, I have found inappropriate texts to other women in his phone...last Oct/Nov where he refers to a woman as "sexy". That is his nickname for her. Also, the day he was arrested, a woman called his phone and all but said that they were in a relationship. He says that I over-reacted with her that there was nothing there. They were just friends.

A few weeks ago, he admitted to flirting with women, but says that he is never intimate with any of them. This truth is, I don't care anymore. He can screw whomever he would like and I wouldn't be hurt. He has my blessing. Maybe this tells me that that it is truly over. I don't care to have that conversation with him anymore.

More than 45 days ago, I told him the lease is up on the house and that I am moving out and he needs to figure out what he is going to do.

He says that he won't have anywhere to go. He will be homeless. I feel sooo guilty. He came to this state with me because of my job...I feel like I am abandoning him. Yet, I want to be free. I am thinking of giving him first months' rent and security deposit just to help him out, but not sure if I can really afford that for the both of us.

I have never lived alone before, so I am afraid. I have been with him for 17 years, married for 15. I have a promising career and a great job with a good salary, but need to downsize to get rid of the debt that he has mostly caused.

I have until Aug. 1 to tell him that I changed my mind or not. Moving on feels like the right thing to do in my heart, yet I am scared, feeling full of guilt and confused.

What would you do?

Athena1979 posted 7/3/2013 22:39 PM

You sound very strong.

You need to read "Role Reversal" in the general forums here. This fits you as it did me.

Here's what you do:

Find yourself a nice new place. Get a cheaper place -affordable. Nothing that pushes your budget to the limit. Always give yourself about $200 extra money after all bills and food is paid.

Leave a sorry Charlie note for him and don't look back.

He has contributed nothing. It never ceases to amaze me how this generation of men...oh wait...I'm sorry, did I say, MEN! Excuse me. A man is someone he takes responsibility for his actions and takes care of his family and would be ASHAMED if people saw that his wife had to do everything with bills, working, cleaning, making babies AND do the dinner, while he did nothing but breathe and exhale oxygen.

I meant BOYS...this generation of BOYS...want to stay boys for longer and longer periods of time. They don't want to become men. Why not? Hey, they found a new mommy to take care of them after their old mommy kicked them out.

Tell him that you aren't his mommy. If he wants his mommy to take care of him, he needs to find the woman who birthed him.

He can still work on the marriage and go to counseling without his hanging onto your coat tails.

Tell him theres a nice bridge he can live under near South street!

See ya!

overcoming2003 posted 7/3/2013 22:48 PM

This made me smile. I often feel like I have two sons, rather than a 10 year old DS and a husband.

Athena1979 posted 7/3/2013 23:00 PM

Glad I could get a smile out of you!

Once you finally leave, you will feel SO unbelievably relieved!

You will wonder, "why didn't I do this years ago!?!"

It will be like a weight has been lifted, a burden gone!

Imagine yourself there without that anchor dragging you down.

Sure, you will have moments of grief and he will give you moments of guilt for moving him under a bridge with the other transients. (we have a bridge where homeless people live)

But it will be fleeting.

You need a partner. When he acts like a partner, then he can be a partner.

Good luck to you! I will pray for you and to have perseverance and strength.

overcoming2003 posted 7/3/2013 23:04 PM

Thank you, very much.

jo2love posted 7/3/2013 23:10 PM

Please use the existing thread in D/S.

Thank you.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.