I told my husband months ago that I am no longer interested in continuing our marriage. This is nothing new. I have put my all into our marriage and I have run out of gas. I don't have anything left. The cheating with him occurred in 2003 a lot has resulted due to the cheating, but I got over it and forgave him for that. The issue for a long time was that, although he behaved for a while, he reverted back to old habits that caused him to cheat in the first place. No matter how much I yelled, talked and pleaded...in the end, he did what he wanted and it didn't matter how I felt about it. This isn't even my biggest issue anymore. As far as I cam concerned, he can see whomever he would like. That is an HONEST feeling.
My issues are the fact that he has lost so many jobs, that I can't keep count anymore. Two in one state and 4 in the present state that we live in now. I am in debt because of it. I act as a single parent to my son with NO help from him. We are not intimate and have not slept in the same room in years. What purpose does he serve in our household? Also, he doesn't know how to cook and barely cleans.
He was arrested and now has a felony on his record (this occurred about a year ago). Our DS was with him when he was arrested. I cannot find it in my heart to get past this. I have tried. I have given it my best shot. I have started having anxiety attacks because the pressure of my M. finances and job is too much for me.
He knows that I am not in love anymore. I am sure that I don't want this marriage. I don't want to do counseling. I asked for this when he cheated and he said no and basically wanted me to keep that a secret and I did for years. Now that I want out, he wants counseling and wants to save the marriage.
Also, I have found inappropriate texts to other women in his phone...last Oct/Nov where he refers to a woman as "sexy". That is his nickname for her. Also, the day he was arrested, a woman called his phone and all but said that they were in a relationship. He says that I over-reacted with her that there was nothing there. They were just friends.
A few weeks ago, he admitted to flirting with women, but says that he is never intimate with any of them. This truth is, I don't care anymore. He can screw whomever he would like and I wouldn't be hurt. He has my blessing. Maybe this tells me that that it is truly over. I don't care to have that conversation with him anymore.
More than 45 days ago, I told him the lease is up on the house and that I am moving out and he needs to figure out what he is going to do.
He says that he won't have anywhere to go. He will be homeless. I feel sooo guilty. He came to this state with me because of my job...I feel like I am abandoning him. Yet, I want to be free. I am thinking of giving him first months' rent and security deposit just to help him out, but not sure if I can really afford that for the both of us.
I have never lived alone before, so I am afraid. I have been with him for 17 years, married for 15. I have a promising career and a great job with a good salary, but need to downsize to get rid of the debt that he has mostly caused.
I have until Aug. 1 to tell him that I changed my mind or not. Moving on feels like the right thing to do in my heart, yet I am scared, feeling full of guilt and confused.
What would you do?