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My WH isn't my beneficiary anymore

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CLRhope4her posted 7/3/2013 22:34 PM

We just switched 401k companies at work and so therefore new paperwork. In the past my WH has always been 100% beneficiary. But since I am convinced if I am gone and the Ex-BFF/OW is still alive she will be back in the picture, I couldn't do it. Seems like anything to do with her plants his head directly up his ass. So, my daughter is beneficiary (into a trust). After that my mother who will insurer daughter gets the money.

WH says he understands and is not
Angry and says his feelings are not hurt. He says he isn't with me for the money (good thing or he's wasting time in this bank acct) so whom I leave it to is my business.

Guess I just hate I am in this position. And I hate knowing in my heart once I'm gone she will show back up. Incentive to live forever I suppose! I've never not trusted my WH to not take care of his child. But during the A he didn't. I can't risk that again. After all--I don't know him anymore.

What a sucky feeling.

Hearthache again posted 7/4/2013 01:00 AM

I know how you are feeling. I have had some things that made me think about this. I feel the same way. If I was to die OW #1 would be knocking at the door the next day.

I told my H if he ever ends up with her after I die. I will haunt him till the day he dies.

Glad your WH understands and is being supportive. Infidelity sucks.

Knowing posted 7/4/2013 08:37 AM

I understand that you were doubly betrayed. Is this you putting your bitchboots on? Or seeking revenge on him? Punishing him financially? I can't tell which. When you're dead, you're dead, what does it matter? A lot of R is "acting as if".

If you dont truly trust his ability to parent your child, why not cut him loose now? I see that you are in limbo. Are you attempting R? What is he doing to help you feel safe moving forward with him?

GraceisGood posted 7/4/2013 22:49 PM

If you dont truly trust his ability to parent your child, why not cut him loose now?

If DD is biologically both of theirs, then if she cuts him loose now, she has even less of a say of how he parents and who else is in the DD's life when DD goes to dads house for his court approved time, so it makes sense why she is not cutting him loose now to me.


scared&stronger posted 7/4/2013 22:51 PM

I completely understand unfortunately.

CLRhope4her posted 7/5/2013 09:07 AM

I thought on it for a week. I really don't feel as if I've done this for spite. Fear more so than spite. Before the A my WH was a great father. And since beginning R he has been again. But during the A he was not at all. WH says he wouldn't contact OW/ex-BFF if I was gone because he wouldn't put her BH through that. But I KNOW in my heart once she knew I was gone (which would be 12 seconds later in this small town) her BH would be around no longer. My WH and her both have this star crossed lovers who found one another at the wrong time syndrome. He still has bouts of missing her or wondering if she is ok. 99% of the time he doesn't. But that changed part of him that is no longer the man I married is what scares me.

I just want the peace of mind to know a person with a clear sense of reality is handling my daughters future. And yes Grace-that is exactly right. On top of that we love one another, are working to save our family, a part of me could never leave because I couldn't live with myself if I allowed my DD to be partially raised by the Ex-BFF/OW. And my fear is that would be exactly what would happen.

And I realize once I'm dead the money will do me no good. But the love and concern for my daughter transcends that. Even more so-I want to know when I'm gone she will be alright-even if financially is the only certain way I can make sure of.

Hope that make sense.

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