I woke up at 4:30am having gone to bed around 12:30. It's been one hell of a week. Or has it only been 4 days?
We had friends arrive from out of town 3- 4 days ago. Their son is a handful and this says a lot given our youngest is too! Our eldest seems shell-shocked! In any event, it is very obvious to me that having guests (who don't know about the A) is too much for my state of mind. I just need space. I cannot be bothered to entertain, cook or clean but that is what I have been doing non-stop since they arrived.
Other stuff:
We will be flying to my hometown tomorrow. This is where the A got had its beginning, middle and end as she lives there. It will be the first time my H and I are in my family home since I found out. My parents do NOT know. I wrote my bf and also my cousin to ask how they felt about spending time with me and my H. My cousin basically chirped, "we are fine. all will be well." And then days later, after we invited them to a ball game, she backed out with a REALLY weak excuse.
My bf. She wrote me back and said she and her H who are our best friends as a couple want to put their feelings aside and go out together as we always do but they are SO ANGRY. She said she is tired of putting "energy" into this topic. That did hurt me as she has also asked me to share my feelings w her. Anyway....they feel betrayed by my H but are more angry for me and the length of time I was deceived. I suggested that we do not go out but rather suggested they speak to him and let him know how upset they are. My bf was also our MOH 16 years ago. She has always opened her door to us but she is torn now. She did agree to speak to him/release her feelings so she is not sitting in anger.
Finally. My H's sister called yesterday. She needs a place to live as she and her boyfriend J (whom they have an 18m old with) are splitting up). There is drama-rama every year with his sister. This split has been a long time coming. Of course we said she could stay here but after two weeks I would like her gone. My H does too.
She spent about 20 min. on the phone w me yesterday telling me how she "really hasn't done anything" to provoke her bf." It's all him. All I heard was, "this isn't my fault." Same old.
I want her to know about the A. She and her brother need to talk about their FOO issues. Maybe she will take his lead and start taking responsibility for her life. Start looking inward.
So...I am really just writing this to release myself of the sad, anxious, dejected and angry feelings I have right now. To top it off, the kids down the street have not been including my boys for weeks. It is hurting my eldest (he's only 8 and super sensitive).
I am glad to be leaving for a bit but anxious about going "home" to see a family who doesn't know. And the people who do know seem to be turning away.
I SO need to go back to sleep now but my mind is spinning with the guests in my house, the packing I need to do and everything that lays ahead. I am ticked at my H for making a choice that has F'ud up life on so many levels.
LA 
[This message edited by LA44 at 3:26 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]
