"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back
((Brokenheart777)) Some of us have lashed out - some of us haven't... My take has always been that the unremorseful sees that kind of encounter as proof moving on is the right thing... Others report feeling better getting things off their chest - not that it has any impact on the WP or turned them around...
Hang in there! It gets better in spurts.
Or it could be she has moved on.
You will find out tomorrow.
When you talk to her Bronenheart777, as much as you'll want to lash out and yell and hurt her, try to avoid that.
Instead of making a snide comment to express your pain, instead say how you are feeling and why.
Example" "it really makes me feel worthless that you put someone else as a priority over me"
While a snide comment might make you feel temporarily better, it will most likely put her on the defensive or deep in to a shame state. She isn't going to be able to support you emotionally then.
If you state your emotions, she will be more able to give you reassurance or emotional support and THAT will make you feel better longer than a snide comment.
You will lash out at times. Everyone does. But if you go back and say, "i know I lashed out. What I was trying to convery is (fill in the blank)", in the long run you will get more results.
How have you been dealing with your pain Brokenheart?
In the early days she stated that she would be willing to try again with enough time and healing and that she knows that she needs to work on herself. But as I said, she hasn't done much of anything since then. She has a pattern of passive aggressiveness and running from the biggest problems in her life so this is no surprise. And I agree, lashing out in a negative manner would only solidify the separation and likely would make things worse for me mentally.
She may not be initiating contact because she thinks you don't want it. Kind of like she is afraid to "poke the bear". She is deferring to you to let you set the path of your healing
I could say that this is in fact true. She's talked to my friends and said things along these lines. She's been breaking down and crying from things that remind her of me but she won't show or tell me when she is hurting of feeling remorseful because she thinks it wil cause me more pain. I don't necessarily agree with that but I understand and fully accept it. Based on her actions and what she says to all our friends, it's pretty clear that she hasn't moved on. I've been trying but my she still holds a great deal of my heart. I would honestly be relieved to hear her say that she would never be able to try again. I'm okay with that. Might even help my healing and allow me to move on quicker but I dont think that's the case. I guess I'll find out. Either way, it's all on her to do the work and try. As time goes on, although very slowly, I drift further and further from her. But I still care for her deeply
Stay strong, and lean on us. You don't have to suffer in silence - it's what we're here for.
Feel like I've had the blinders on for years.
There's a name for that - "Trust"
I hate it when BS's beat themselves up for not seeing all the signs. It's comes from loving and trusting your partner, most often because you yourself are trustworthy.
It's not your fault, and you're taking control now.