Hi, Edith ... thank you for the welcome and advice.
To the best of my knowledge, the OW's husband has no idea that she and my husband are emotionally involved. However, I have already told my husband that -I- will not be the one to tell him. (The OW apparently flipped out when she found out I knew and was terrified I would tell him. I pointed out to my husband that that didn't really scream "ready to leave her new husband," but he brushed it off.)
I do know that he moved out of their home a few days ago for other reasons -- they'd been having issues, I guess -- though apparently he still does not know. (I know this because I asked my husband if he had been in contact with A. He said she had called him because she needed to talk, since her husband left. I thanked him for telling me, and suggested that she find a more appropriate person to talk to. He said he'd told her to call her therapist. I also asked him if he would volunteer any further info about being in contact with her, which he agreed to.)
I have also talked to an attorney -- several, actually, as one of my best friends is one, and another is married to one. I feel very confident that I will be just fine financially if he leaves. His parents have already told me, repeatedly, that they will support me in any way they can, and I think that they would unleash hell if he tried to screw me financially.
However, finances aren't my main reason for staying. I do truly love him. He is a fantastic dad, and he was a wonderful husband for many years. I don't know what is going on with him right now, but I truly believe he is NOT himself right now.
For example, in between the ILYB talk and D-Day, we decided to buy a new home. Stupid, I know, but we desperately needed more room and a better school district for our oldest, who has autism. Plus, I took it as a sign that he was really committed to making things work.
Well, D-Day went down before we closed on the house, and we ended up rescinding the offer, because I knew that no matter what happened, we didn't need the stress of a move. Plus, in our current home, I have the support of neighbors/friends next door, and his parents right down the street.
I asked him later, "WHY did you let us make an offer on that house? You had to know I couldn't have afforded it, even if I went back to work full time!" He said, "I know, but I figured I could, and I would get it for you and the kids." I said, "You SERIOUSLY thought you were going to make house payments for 30 years for me?!"
I could tell by his reaction that he hadn't actually had ANY idea what he'd been planning to do. And that is SO not my husband. He is the most logical, planningest guy you've ever met. You should see the little Excel spreadsheets he works out for our monthly budget. I cannot imagine him in a MILLION years ever thinking he would buy me a $325K house on a whim. And his parents are just as baffled and concerned by his behavior as I am.
[This message edited by Violetta at 1:06 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]