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Who are these people that are ICs? Are they really any smarter or wiser than many people here on SI who have been through the pain of an A, or are they simply patient enough to listen for 45 minutes and make a few common sense observations?

That is kind of what WH asked when I finally worked up the nerve to tell him I was seeing an IC.

Then it made me start to question it esp since she was like 10 years younger than me and obviously in a happy marriage with kids, blah, blah, blah.

So I told her that.

She said "well, I did have to go to school..." and we both laughed. And she broke a rule to share something with me about some of her own struggles with depression and stuff.

Now I feel like she is just a great friend worth billing my insurance $175 to go talk with to get my head back on straight after a week of not seeing her.

I've been going for more than a month and I won't quit going until the insurance cuts me off or I'm blissfully happy because the minute I walk out of her office after an hour of talking I feel good. Its pretty much the only time out of 7 days that I can say "I feel good".

So f' how smart she is. I like her.

Some ICs really are that smart. Unfortunately, some are not.

The really good ones have the training, knowledge, and experience to lead the individual to a place where they can heal. Where that is, and what it looks like, is different for everyone.

My IC was smart enough to identify my FOO issues and help guide me through resolving them. She immediately spotted my husband's SA and guided me through understanding it and separating myself from it. She's helped me stay on track for healing.

Some smart ones are smart in some areas but not in others. You may get better counsel from SI than from an IC who isn't experienced in either recovering from trauma or from infidelity.

'Smart' usually means 'academically talented and accomplished'. 'Emotional intelligence' and sensitivity are, IMO, much more important in making a successful and effective C.

People ask me what I get from IC. What I see from IC is that it's someone who is intelligent enough to see the obvious things that you are already saying but not noticing and point them out to you. This helps guide you to enlightenment. Obviously it is helpful if they have a basic understanding of A and the effects they have.