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Elaine2012 posted 7/4/2013 18:23 PM

I was invited to lunch today with the family of a young man I do PCA work for. I know his immediate family pretty well and have meet his aunt and uncle and grandma one time.

We were finished with lunch (which was delicious) and talking and his uncle starts talking men and how they are biologically programmed after their wife gets older to trade her in for a younger woman. (As he sits next to his wife of 25 years who is currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer). This is just what happens to a man because he is a man. I said something about how it messes with the mind of the woman who that happens to.

He then goes on to say that really marriage is just a man made institution anyway. Mind you he is a good practicing member of his church. I said marriage is an ordinance that is ordained of God and vows are made before God that they are sacred. I said something about the fact that vows are made before God and should be honored. He wanted to know where I'd heard that? Well my church teaches this as do many others. Especially the one he belongs to. To which he then says marriage is about honor and commitment and loyalty. By then I was getting tearful and said there has to be integrity in the marriage so a man doesn't go out looking for a better younger person just because his wife is older.

It was awkward and my tears made him uncomfortable something that I don't care about. Isn't this part of the problem that we here on SI are experiencing that so many people believe that a marriage partner can just be traded in for someone younger or whatever excuse is used to justify infidelity?

So are they then to be given a pass just because they are men and this "just happens" to them. Marriage and commitment and loyalty and integrity to each other are part of the vows taken and shouldn't be considered so lightly expendable.

When I left he did apologize that he made me cry. I would like to hope that somehow something I said made him think that that thinking is all wrong. However, I'm not deluding myself that he "heard" me. I'm just glad I said what I felt needed to be said.

I don't think it helped that I'm closing in on dday and so many things right now are triggers for me.

Happy Independence Day! I think I'm going to take myself out to watch fireworks tonight. Just because I want to.

willowiris posted 7/4/2013 18:29 PM

I cannot think of any members of any churches (or many other religions) that say marriage is a man-made institution. This guy sounds like a class A douche nozzle.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment you make to one another. When you're tired, when you have grown ugly, when your hair falls out. In sickness, in health, til death do you part. I feel really bad for that guy's wife. I'm also sorry you had to sit there and listen to it.

Elaine2012 posted 7/4/2013 18:45 PM

willowiris I was feeling sorry for his wife. Especially since she is in the middle of her treatment. I wondered if she is worried about her shelf life with him. After all she is getting older!

Phoenix1 posted 7/4/2013 18:47 PM

What a load of absolute twaddle! A commitment is a commitment, for better or for worse, until death do us part. I don't remember anything in my vows that included, "until you get tired of me and want a younger model!" Unless the spouses agree to an open marriage that commitment includes fidelity. If men were "biologically programmed" that way then everyone would be cheating, and that simply is not the case. That is just an excuse for a lack of personal integrity.

That idiot sounds like he is simply trying to set the foundation for his own infidelity...

inconnu posted 7/4/2013 19:01 PM

he is an ass, and most likely a cheating ass who is justifying his asshattery.

good for you for saying what you needed to say. ((hugs)) for his wife. I sure hope she finds SI when she needs to.

stronger08 posted 7/4/2013 19:31 PM

The Gospel according to the WS. What pisses me off even more than people like him. Are the cheaters who use God as an excuse to have an A. My XWW while not religious in any way was e-mailing back and forth between her and the OM. In it they were saying how God brought them together etc. Like it was some miracle performed just for them. Its so hypocritical when they invoke God while they break the 6th Commandment.

unarmbears posted 7/5/2013 01:11 AM

How awful for you and that guy's wife to hear that selfish drivel, like wives are expendable. Even if he was joking he wasn't funny.

I remember so well the absolute disgust I felt when a guy much older than me put the moves on me because "My wife just had a mastectomy and she is going through chemo." Ughhhhhh! I was SO ANGRY and let him have an earful. How dare he! Maybe I am touchy because my aunt, one of the kindest, most beautiful women on the planet was told by her husband that he didn't know if he could be married to an incomplete woman. She told him to please go, since she couldn't coddle him when she was looking at the fight for her life. He left, she lived another 40 years and they were probably the happiest ever in her life.

I just don't get this way of thinking.

Maybe I should have gone looking for someone younger or with a full head of hair when my husband got bald. After all, he wasn't who he had been.. JUST GRRRRRR!

ButterflyGirl posted 7/5/2013 01:12 AM

This guy sounds like a class A douche nozzle.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up..

If men were "biologically programmed" that way then everyone would be cheating, and that simply is not the case. That is just an excuse for a lack of personal integrity.

This too.. What a complete asshole to speak like that at all, but in front of his wife is beyond horrid..

I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and didn't go along with that load of bullshit. I doubt you made a difference in him either, but just maybe..

Hope you saw some good fireworks tonight!

SBB posted 7/5/2013 05:41 AM

I would be absolutely mortified if I was his wife. M-o-r-t-i-f-i-e-d.

That pre-programmed crap is bullshit. I can orgasm 20 times in one day - easily. They are pre-programmed to only be able to do it once, MAYBE a few more but nowhere near as many as me.

Does that mean I am pre-programmed to have sex with 20 different men a day?

No.

In any event its not the marriage certificate that anyone should be honouring - it is their integrity, morals, values and commitment they should be honouring.

It is not dishonourable to divorce someone because you fell out of love with them. It is dishonourable to betray yourself and them.

They don't cheat because they fell out of love with us - they cheat because they are incapable of true intimacy - they do not know how to love.

Man or woman - they cheat for the same reasons. Sure, they use different self-talk to justify it to themselves but the root issue is the same. They are broken, damaged people wreaking havoc on themselves and those supposedly 'love'.

Trading in for a younger model does not fix the problem. Changing the players does not change the game.