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This 4th sucks...

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WakingFromADream posted 7/4/2013 22:21 PM

So, I love the 4th of July. Or at least the part about getting together and then going and seeing fireworks. But this year I couldn't do it.

WW decided she wanted DS for the holiday so I went and did "stuff". Stuff translated into seeing White House Down(fun), disc golfing, dinner by myself, and then seeing The Lone Ranger(meh). But, I couldn't go and see the fireworks. I drove past the park where they were. I just couldn't stop because I felt like shit. See, last year and the year before we went to OM's brother's house to watch from brother's backyard with OM's extended family. Two years ago I was clueless and it was awesome. Last year not so much. But I didn't say no.

I hate it, hate it, hate it how this shit splatters onto so many of the things that touch our lives. It will not be soon enough before she moves out; two more weeks.

Fuck her and the goat she road in on.

tesla posted 7/4/2013 22:40 PM


Yeah. Sometimes this shit just sucks and there is no way around it.

But next year, when you get DS for the 4th, it is NOT going to suck. And each year after will get a little better.

And also, fuck that bitch.

ButterflyGirl posted 7/5/2013 01:02 AM

Sending you some big hugs..

You will feel so much better when that bitch is gone. Detaching will be so much easier, and you can start taking some of those triggers back and making new memories.


Shockleader posted 7/5/2013 09:37 AM

Fuck her and the goat she road in on.

I agree, and there will be a time you FULLY mean it, when the state of 'meh' hits. Being away from your POSWW will really help, and though the process is gradual, it happens.

I'll add a "fuck that bitch too", and would say that about mine, but then I'd have to give a shit about her.

Good luck to a MUCH better future!

WakingFromADream posted 7/5/2013 10:31 AM

Thanks. Right now it's just the constant irritation of having her in my house, in my space, in my business. The quote about the opposite of love is indifference is very apropos. I know I'm not even close as every time I see her I want to punch her in the face and fantasize about worse. I need space and time and NC. She moves out week after next which will help. D will be final possibly in Aug but probably in Sept.

Right now I feel I need to be reasonably nice as she has agreed to a very low number for the house which I will be getting as well as taking her student loans with nothing in return and agreeing to no alimony.

One day at a time.

SBB posted 7/5/2013 11:15 AM

I promise It won't always feel this way. These first suck big time.

I pretty much avoided anything that reminded me of that time. It meant my TV watching and food choices were quite limited.

Little by little I reclaimed cuisines, TV shows and even places. I'm still reclaiming places every day.

I have to drive past the exact spot we met every single day to take my little one to daycare. I used to sob almost daily once I had dropped her off. A few months ago I saw an old lady dressed head to toe in orange walking an orange dog right around that spot. I smile each time I drive past that spot now, remember the orange lady with the orange dog.

Healing comes when you least expect it.

I remember getting the keys to my new place - I came here that first night to a completely empty space and I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My space. I was incredibly sad but also... free? That's the only way I can describe it.

Two more weeks friend. Hold on to yourself. She deserves no more of your emotion - no more of you.

stronger08 posted 7/6/2013 03:29 AM

SBB is so right. The first couple years of holidays really suck. I remember my first Thanksgiving/Christmas season. It was the worst as I'm the type that needs to be alone to sort out my feelings. My first Thanksgiving was something out of that movie a Christmas story. I had gone out the night before and got pretty banged up. On Thanksgiving day I woke up fairly late. Was invited by my parents to dine with them. But they were old and eat @ 3:00 and are in bed by 7:00. So I went to this Chinese restaurant. It was empty with the exception of me and this Hispanic couple and their young babies. I was eating at the bar and I paid their tab. The H came over to thank me and invited me to their table in broken English. So I sat with them for a bit and they explained that the W tried to do an American style Thanksgiving dinner for the first time and completely ruined it. Ergo their visit to the restaurant. The H said in his best broken English that his W cooking Spanish food, very good. But his W cooking American food, not so good. We all had a laugh at that one. So it was me, the Chinese waiter and the Hispanic couple all sitting together joking and trying to communicate the best we all could with each other. In retrospect it was kind of bizarre. But at the time it felt very comforting and natural.

The point of the story is this. At the time I did not know it. But I was making new memories. I went in there for a few drinks (Hair of the dog) and some Chicken and Broccoli. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my self pity. But I walked out with a smile on my face and a great story to tell. When I told my family and friends of what happened they all laughed at the insane situation. But that was probably the first good laugh I had since I left my XWW. I still tell this story to folks and it never gets old. I feel it was destiny that I went there and was able to walk away with a much needed smile. But more importantly it was a new memory I created. I bet that along with myself the Hispanic couple and the Chinese waiter remember that day as well. That's the great thing about life. When you least expect it something like that happens. And it fills the void that exists in your soul. Hang in there pal. New memories are in store for you. You just have to get out there and experience them.

ETA: That was also the day I heard my tag line for the first time. The waiter had told the Hispanic couples toddler that statement. She was trying to eat her soup with the chopsticks. He brought her a spoon and she was happy. He said to us. "Right tool for right job" I felt it was a very profound statement.

[This message edited by stronger08 at 3:36 AM, July 6th (Saturday)]

tesla posted 7/6/2013 08:13 AM

Sending you mojo and strength to make it through the next two weeks.

Having the space from here will really help...obviously there are still going to be ups and downs...but getting your personal life on a separate trajectory feels so great.

I didn't have in house separation with ex-shat...damn good thing, pretty sure shit would have gotten ugly...but I do remember early on he kept calling me with the plan for how I was going to live my life during separation and divorce (what I should do with the house, what I should do for a job, what I should do for Teslet's daycare, etc.). Once I got a little more detached and realized that my life was mine, I was able to tell him in a sort of nice way that our lives were following different paths now and he could go fuck off.

Trust me when I say how great that is going to feel when you get to say that to STBXWW.

nowiknow23 posted 7/6/2013 08:22 AM

Lord, I can't imagine that Hell is as torturous as in-house separation. Seriously. It sucks on immeasurable levels of suckiness.

And so does the fall-out of this shit. I haven't found a corner of my life that was left untouched by it.

The good news is that once you clear the flood waters, dry things out, toss the stuff that's ruined and salvage the stuff worth keeping, there will be space for new things to be brought in. New, special things of your choosing. And each will have new meaning and stories that come with it.

SBB posted 7/6/2013 08:27 AM

t/j Stronger, that is officially my new favourite story of all time. It speaks to me on so many levels.

I just gave myself a happy hug over it, FFS.

I've always loved your tagline - irreverent and profound all at the same time. Made extra special with this context.

Thank you.

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