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h0peless posted 7/4/2013 23:48 PM

I was sitting with my ex on Pismo Beach in California watching fireworks. At the time, I had no idea that Dday was just a few short weeks away, that it would be our last vacation together. Things seemed so great.

This year, I went over to my Aunt's house, grilled burgers and spent time with my large, crazy extended family. My brother and I bought a bunch of fireworks (the kind that don't shoot in the air are legal here) and put on a little show for the kids. My cousin's 2 1/2 year old daughter thought they were the most amazing things ever. After the show, we got up on the roof and watched various big shows around town from there.

This has been a rough couple of weeks for me. We were engaged four years ago last week, married three years ago two weeks ago. It seems hard to believe but the end of this month will mark a year from Dday. My life has changed significantly and what has happened still consumes most of my thoughts. I sometimes feel really stuck. Still, the fact that I was able to have a fun evening, to really enjoy myself with my family, was really positive and really nice. Hopefully next year will be even better.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:49 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]

HurtsButImOK posted 7/5/2013 00:10 AM

antiversaries (even upcoming ones) just plain suck. So sorry you are going through a rough patch. Try to remember to be kind to yourself.

Its wonderful that you could enjoy the time with your family, sounds like it was a lot of fun.

SBB posted 7/5/2013 05:50 AM

I'm approaching the first antiversary too. The upside being that this is the last of the "firsts". I made it through this year and I'm in a far better place emotionally and mentally than I was 12 months ago.

Had DD not happened I might still be in the dark about my husbands betrayals, I might still be exposing myself to his STDs, I might still be in a desperately unhappy marriage and wondering why.

I don't see those last weeks and months we spent together as last days of our marriage. For me the last days were before he detached from me and his family, before he abandoned me and my girls emotionally and physically, before before he got on that slippery slope, before he walked to the edge of it, before he looked over it. All WELL before he slid right down it.

Be gentle with yourself - this has been a hard time for me. Not in a wistful way but in a dripping with regret way.

This too shall pass.