"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

sweetpea0626 posted 7/5/2013 11:01 AM

It's been a long time since I've been on SI. Too triggery I guess, and I just wanted to move on. I guess really just rugsweep . It's now been 3 years since WH left & almost 2 years since he came back. During that time he was living with OW. He came back when I got pregnant during HB. It was false R. Filed divorce a few months later because of continued contact. Eventually I dismissed divorce because he had seemed to finally pull his head out of his ass.

Ok now it is all just rug sweeping. I regret not divorcing him back during the affair. I feel like I didn't simply because I was too weak to. He is a good guy but just doesn't have it in him to do the work and I really don't think I can ever get past this. Too much happened. Here is the complicating factor. We were getting along we'll for a couple of weeks, and during that time I end up pregnant again. At first we were extremely happy. We had a new beginning. But it has all just disintegrated now. I had to stop my AD because of pregnancy. I stopped IC because well I just kind of gave up. 3 years and I am just tired of talking about it all.

We are in deep debt due to A spending and then lawyer and court fees. I am stuck. I don't want to hurt my kids by divorcing and I can't afford it anyway. And would I really be any happier as a single mother of 4 young children ( the oldest is only 5)?

To top it all off the young OW that financially drained my WH dry (& really whole family) slept with my only partner and tried to destroy my life just got engaged to her boyfriend of less than 5 months. Where the hell isKarma on this one? Why am I, the one who has stayed through this shitstorm, the one who has tried to be the good wife through all of this, why am I still hurting so bad? Is it my fault like my WH says? That I won't allow myself to see the good that is all around me?

movingforward777 posted 7/5/2013 11:11 AM

It's time to tell wh that since he created all this debt with his affair it's his responsibility to work overtime/extra job to pay it all off before your new baby comes!!
If he has any "toys" it's time to sell them and apply the money to the debt...
If he has any investments...cash them in and pay down the debt....
See a financial counsellor to set up a plan of repayment that you can live/work with...
Don't let the stress of all of this damage you or your baby during your pregnancy...he needs to be bending over backwards to make you feel better about what happened and making things right with YOU!!!
There should be NO CONTACT with OW and that includes knowing what is going on in her life...she is past history and needs to stay that way....
Stand up for yourself and get him to do the work needed to get back on track financially and emotionally....HUGS

housenotahome posted 7/5/2013 12:44 PM

Is it my fault like my WH says? That I won't allow myself to see the good that is all around me?

He inflicted much pain to you and traumatized you. Your pain is a result of what he did to you and your family. How is that your fault? You've been traumatized. You have very little control, in your state to see the good and from what you've posted, I wonder what good he is referring to. Is he insinuating that half of him is better than none of him? Did he think he was doing you a favor by coming back only to hurt you again?
As for ow

just got engaged to her boyfriend of less than 5 months. Where the hell isKarma on this one?

I can see possible karma here. She is engaged to someone she hardly knows and is about to put herself in a situation where she can become a BS, if they decide to go through with the M. Bs's want the WS's and the ap's to know what we feel, but in order to do that, they have to know the happiness(fake or real) before they know the misery. There is lots of potential for karma.

sweetpea0626 posted 7/5/2013 13:55 PM

Thank you for replies. He has a debt repayment plan. But it still straps us as the payment is as much as the mortgage. He has no toys to sell as we always led a pretty simple life. Not so much with OW but we did. He worked with OW just until very recently so she will be the past from now on, provided I can stay away from her Facebook page. And as for the karma, i think it's very likely that she will cheat on her fiancé/husband eventually.

And I don't think I did him justice in my previous post. He isn't a bad guy now. He is good to me and a great father. He just has no idea emotionally. He is very depressed himself and can't seem to handle the rejection that comes from my emotions. He just wants to rug sweep & make things good now & just move on from the past basically.

[This message edited by sweetpea0626 at 1:59 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

ElectricBlue posted 7/5/2013 14:00 PM

Your post sounds like my life and your husband sounds like my husband. They destroy us, won't do anything to fix the damage they've done, decide they want to stay with us and start over then blame us for not moving forward and seeing the good all around us. (((sweetpea0626))) I understand just how you feel. It's lonely.