It's been a long time since I've been on SI. Too triggery I guess, and I just wanted to move on. I guess really just rugsweep . It's now been 3 years since WH left & almost 2 years since he came back. During that time he was living with OW. He came back when I got pregnant during HB. It was false R. Filed divorce a few months later because of continued contact. Eventually I dismissed divorce because he had seemed to finally pull his head out of his ass.
Ok now it is all just rug sweeping. I regret not divorcing him back during the affair. I feel like I didn't simply because I was too weak to. He is a good guy but just doesn't have it in him to do the work and I really don't think I can ever get past this. Too much happened. Here is the complicating factor. We were getting along we'll for a couple of weeks, and during that time I end up pregnant again. At first we were extremely happy. We had a new beginning. But it has all just disintegrated now. I had to stop my AD because of pregnancy. I stopped IC because well I just kind of gave up. 3 years and I am just tired of talking about it all.
We are in deep debt due to A spending and then lawyer and court fees. I am stuck. I don't want to hurt my kids by divorcing and I can't afford it anyway. And would I really be any happier as a single mother of 4 young children ( the oldest is only 5)?
To top it all off the young OW that financially drained my WH dry (& really whole family) slept with my only partner and tried to destroy my life just got engaged to her boyfriend of less than 5 months. Where the hell isKarma on this one? Why am I, the one who has stayed through this shitstorm, the one who has tried to be the good wife through all of this, why am I still hurting so bad? Is it my fault like my WH says? That I won't allow myself to see the good that is all around me?